music again

This morning I broke up with radio Christmas music.    I have had enough.

I visited my blog to re-read, or re-post, my previous thoughts on music, but upon my blog search I see that I have written about this a lot.   Especially the Christmas music.

So, here's one more for the record.

I'm a fan of Christmas music at first.   But this year I realize that even the old 'birth of Jesus' standbys are getting dingy and worn out.   (Except for my favorite "O Holy Night".)
I am politely singing along with the radio for the most part.  
The real meaning of Christmas isn't lost on me.    But I feel the need for something peppier.

The secular Christmas songs have the same old feel to them.  
And that feel is generally about being lonely and wanting to have someone home for Christmas.
There needs to be a song about "please just let me get a date for Christmas".  seriously.

So I had the difficult talk with my radio this morning.
 "This isn't working out......It's not you, It's me."  Etc. etc.

The other two channels that continue to play top 40 music are seriously in cahoots with each other.    No lie...... one channel plays the song, and then the next channel plays the same song.    There is no joy in switching channels.  It's the same crap over and over, a gazillion times each day.
 I have pretty much memorized Taylor Swift's new song  (which is catchy, yet twisted).... and I know to change the channel before that guy sings about naked ladies and trumpets.

My next car will have one of those nifty little jacks for an iPod.    And I will learn how to download music onto some device.  It will be amazing.   I will listen to what I like.   I will sing.  I will be happy.

Well, I'm actually really happy right now.    This break-up will be a good thing.

and so it begins

The annual debate among preschoolers about Santa.   

Is he real or not?

I don't remember this being a discussion when I was four.... or when my own kids were four.   But more recently the concept of Santa has caused much debate among young children.      (I have my speculations about why but that's for another post.)

I am fully aware that Jesus is the reason for the season.   And I am perfectly supportive if your family chooses not to play Santa.  I get it.
But please don't let your kid be the one who announces this to the entire class of wide eyed preschoolers.     

Prepare your kids.  Let them know that families celebrate in different ways.  And tell them to keep their mouths shut.  please.

There is nothing quite like overhearing this conversation in a classroom.
"Santa is NOT real!"

"Then how do the presents get there?"
"Your mom and dad go out and buy them and put them under the tree".

By the end of the conversation both kids are practically screaming at each other and looking toward the teacher with panicked eyes.

"Families celebrate Christmas in many ways...."  (and then desperately try to change the subject)

It's really awkward.  for everyone.

Is he real.... or not?

rolling

We're adjusting back to our routine after a short Thanksgiving break.   We had a super quick visit down to see Thayer's family.    As I sat and visited with Granny I realized that time keeps rolling.

Granny is 92.   She can't remember her last sentence but she has a good, selective, long term memory.    She is always ready and willing to talk about her husband, how they met, and how handsome he was.   She has a picture of her husband (probably college aged).... and yes, he was a looker.   Blue eyes, just like Thayer.
Her husband has been gone for eight years.   And I know she longs to be with him again.     She bides her time.
As we all do in some way or another.

I've had the weight of uneasiness this week as I think about my friends who are in the midst of much heartache.   Loss, death, sickness, slow recoveries, and anticipation for upcoming surgeries.
(please pray for Zack this week!)
So much going on.   I have the desire to help.... or to do more.
I feel like I'm using my own village to get it all done these days.    And I'm not sure what else TO do.
So I bide my time.    And pray.
I hope my people know how much I care.

December is slowing filling up with activity.

After a post Halloween meltdown- when I told the kids that we would never decorate for holidays again.....
I changed my mind and we pulled out the Christmas boxes.    The boys put up the tree and we decided to keep things super simple this year.    We looked at all of the ornaments and I suggested that they only hang 'circular' ornaments this year.     I'm pretty pleased.

 I have finally got the ball rolling on my kitchen remodel!    Over five years of hemming and hawing..... and I have finally taken action!   I meet with the contractor tomorrow to make selections and schedule a start date.   This has been a long time coming.   It's truly a Christmas miracle that I'm taking this step.   really.
(I may post pictures or write more about this as the project progresses.....so please just smile and nod, smile and nod).

Less then three weeks until Christmas break.    Wow.  The days are rolling by.

times are changing

not really.    Things are eerily staying the same around here.

 But that recent time change has totally thrown me for a loop.   I feel like I'm ready for bed by dinnertime.    It feels SO late by then.   

Tonight we waited for, what seemed like an eternity, for Daniel's guitar teacher to arrive for a lesson. He arrived in the concealment of deep, dark night..... at 6pm.    

(Shout out to Lynchburg Guitar Lessons!!  Patrick has been so accommodating! )

I know that I will eventually get used to the shift in daylight, because I always have.  But this week has been tough.    The nights seem to linger forever.    

I can understand why people suffer from that seasonal depression stuff.   

 I am by no means depressed.... but just yawny.  very yawny.

I've wanted to write lately but I'm fresh out of interesting.    

I recently ventured online to have my blog posts from 2012-2013 printed and bound.   I get so giddy when I receive a fresh book, of my words, in the mail.    I can't wait to thumb through it and feel like I'm "published".   I know I wrote about this previously.... but I'm thrilled to be able to share my memories with my boys this way.     One day, when I'm old, and forgetful  (eh, any day now) I know that I'll enjoy reading back through our years.

anywho.

I've spent a bit of time this week watching Friday Night Lights on Netflix.    I was told to watch it.... (thanks, Katie)....so I felt obliged. 

First of all.... I am not a football fan.... so the first few episodes were VERY difficult to get through.   But now I'm hooked.   Basically caught by the character who has become paralyzed.   I'm only 8 or 9 episodes in but I want to know how he moves along his journey.   And I've enjoyed watching the romances unfold.   (Then again, I'm totally creeped out that we get a kick out of watching tv highschoolers make-out.)  They get more action than I've had in years.   boo!

Whew.

random. random.

such is life.

halloween

This is the first Halloween in....ever.... that I've been home all night to hand out candy.     Other years were broken up with some sort of activity or taking the kids out to trick-or-treat.    

I always left a bucket of candy on the porch as we ventured out.   Nothing extravagant but just enough for whoever might wander by our house.
Some years I was anal enough to write a cutsie note asking the little critters to 'only take a few... and leave some for others'.    But then I wised up to the fact that one little rascal probably came and emptied the whole bowl into his bag.
I stopped leaving the notes and figured that some dude was gonna get really lucky.

Lucas joined my nieces and nephews tonight for trick-or-treating.
Daniel decided to stay home.
I was excited!
I envisioned an evening snuggled on the couch, watching a movie with my boy, and handing out candy to cute kids.
The boy envisioned a night in the basement finishing the second season of Arrow, on Netflix, without me.

And so it was.  
I sat in the living room, binged on pizza and candy, studied Facebook, and watched episodes of The Goldbergs on my laptop.    I handed candy out to 10, TEN, kids.
Number 10 got his candy, took a step away, turned an about-face and asked, "do you have any Gobstoppers".  
I replied, "Are you seriously making requests?"  
And since I was so dumbfounded by his boldness.... I relinquished the Gobstoppers.   But only one package.
At least he said 'thank you'.

The highlight of my evening was when the neighbors  (no, not those neighbors).... a nice couple diagonally across the street from me...... stopped by with candy for the boys.

I had thought about the neighbors earlier.  How their light was on.  And my light was on.  And how dreadfully few trick-or-treaters we had.

Next year I am envisioning a new Halloween tradition.  The kind I have read about online... but never understood until now.   I'm envisioning the neighbors hanging out in the yard, or a block party, or a teenager Halloween party, or a camp fire night.     Something to bring the solitude porch lights together.    
We're all waiting for those little costumed creatures to come requesting candy  (all 10 of them)..... so why not wait together?
(I also envisioned this would be a  great night for a wedding.  go figure)

We'll see.

I have a year to decide against my pumpkin party.... perhaps it's time to morph the tradition into something new.

(we DID have the 14th annual pumpkin party yesterday.   It was a success!)

These boys always impress me with their pumpkin carving knowledge.

Daniel is SKILLED!

Lucas' MineCraft Creeper.
(a video game thing)

month of excess

People tell me that I should write a book.
I feel like I have.
Blogger tells me that I have written 783 posts.
I have many years of these posts printed and bound in hopes that one day my kids will sit and read them.... and think...."wow.  That was our mom."

It's interesting to think about what I may have written over the years.   Sometimes I think I only wait to report the shocking or 'emotional' stuff.   I have tried to include the mundane as well.   Because such is life.  The ups and downs.

Like today.    It was blah.     I'm pretty sure I'm having my equivalent of PMS this week.  I'm moody and bloated.   And I binged on Pizza and popcorn for dinner.
I have disappointed myself tonight since I've focused so much on my eating lately.   I've lost eleven pounds simply by adjusting my consumption.
But today.  I could care less.

The boys and I are currently in, what I have named, the "month of excess".   October is always my busiest month by far.    And my most expensive month.
We are settling down after several weeks of crazy excess.... only to be gearing up for our Pumpkin Party and Halloween activities to come next week.

The past few weeks have been chock-full of events and driving.  (lots of driving!)
 Daniel's birthday, a trip to Great Wolf Lodge, unexpected car fiasco, rescue visit with friends, rental car expenses, visit from Thad,  and TWO visits to Layman's Farm.

Every year I say that I'm not going to go all excessive in October.    But October is my favorite month and it's so easy to go overboard.
My kids will only be around the house for a few more years, so I justify the expense, I suppose.

I sent out the invites to our pumpkin party, that I refuse to throw every year.   Lucas made sure that the invite included the word "annual" on it......"so we have to have it next year too."

And there you have it.  October comes every year and suckers me into activity and expense.     Thankfully lots of fun along with it.

enough

I've had a week.   A great week  A fun week.  A messy week.   An angry week.  A sad week.  A lazy week.  

 I have wept over Thayer's absence.   I have shed tears for my boys.  I have lost my temper.    I have yelled.  I have made huge mistakes.   I have lectured.   I have used harsh language.  I have battled loneliness.  I have felt defeated. I have failed people I love.     I have laughed with friends.  I have walked miles.  I have sat for hours.  I have neglected my chores.   I have stood until my feet ached.  I have worked.  I have slept.  I have grumbled.    I have praised.
I have been chasing something.

I just don't know what.

After a week of disconnect and confusion.... it's interesting that God had to use a Facebook post and a movie to remind me of what I've known along.    Tonight he shouted at me and said,
 "You're enough!"
 Those exact words.   He's been whispering this over and over for the past few months.
I get it now, God.
 I'm enough.

Even though I often feel like my world is crumbly and crazy, and I just don't know what path I'm on...

I am enough.

This coming week I will cry.  I will lose my temper.  I will lecture.  I will curse.   I will be lonely.   I will make mistakes.   I will laugh.   I will walk.  I will sit.  I will work.  I will praise.

I will be enough.
Because I am loved.

random stuff on my mind

Lucas will be 12 years old on Thursday!  wow.
We had an early celebration tonight at a local Mexican restaurant... simply because a mariachi band was scheduled to play.
Lucas loves this particular restaurant... and we go ALL of the time.  It was extra special tonight as we shared a meal with our family and Lucas was serenaded by the band.
Cake and ice cream followed at our house.
This should totally have been a Friday.

This week, after having several groups of people back in my house, I realize how much I enjoy having company.    It often feels like I have a rotating door.    And the 'extra' chairs that we bring up from the basement never seem to make it back downstairs.   We go through spurts of time when those chairs are filled for several days.    And then they linger in the kitchen until the next people arrive.

I think I took the summer off from hosting much... because the chairs were left in the basement for quite a while.   But now they are back.
I am thrilled to be hosting our LifeGroup again this fall.    And I hope that I can revive my Sunday night crew as well.
 I look forward to getting my peeps together.  
Even though I love my summer sleep schedule, the truth is that I thrive on routine.   Our 'school' routine work for us.  As well as the regular scheduled meetings, etc.  

My preschool class is beyond amazing this year.    I have enjoyed every minute.
Ask me about my job sometime :)

I'm looking forward to the arrival of fall.   And pumpkins.  And Halloween.

goodbye summer. hello routine.

Wow.  Where have we been?!

The boys just started their third week of school!  

I went back to work last week, and my preschoolers came to their first day of Pre-K today.    It looks like lady Elaine and I have an awesome class this year!   

Rewind to Sunday August 17th.  
I received a phone call from my Brother-in-law, Thad, to say that he was IN TOWN and wanted to surprise my boys.    This was huge.    He showed up at 6:30am on Monday morning and woke them up for their first day of school!   A great surprise.

It turns out that Thad was in town for several days.    It seemed like it would be a long visit.... but it was over way too quickly.    The boys enjoyed some much needed time with their uncle.

  On  Wednesday Thad and I hiked back to the spot where we had scattered Thayer's ashes.    Great day, beautiful mountains.

That week, we also went out to eat with my family for (what would have been) Thayer's 44th birthday.   Not much pomp and circumstance this year.

At the end of the week we said our goodbyes to Thad and I delivered my kids to Comfort Zone Camp.
Daniel wasn't too keen on attending this year.... but by the time I picked them up on Sunday, both boys were ready to get signed up for next year's camp!    I am so thankful for CZC and the safe environment that they provide for kids like mine!!

While the boys were at camp, I enjoyed a great weekend catching up with my friends in Richmond.

Then.... it was back to reality for all three of us as we started back to school and work on the following Monday.

We are getting back into the routine of things.   And would you believe that my boys put themselves to bed by 9pm each night?!     And I'm not usually far behind.  
I've had some sweet dreams the last few weeks.

challenge

I was recently challenged to do the Ice Bucket Challenge for ALS Association.   And I've decided to refrain from the obligatory soaking of ice water.
But I am all about donating!
I decided to pretend that I did the bucket dumping and I DID donate $10 for ALS research.   And I challenge you to do the same.

***Click here to donate to the ALS Association!***

And since I didn't actually complete the challenge I decided to donate $100 as well.   BUT I decided to donate to two charities that are on my heart this month.

Some folks would say to donate quietly and move along.   But I've read several convicting blogs that encourage people to donate and make a big fuss about it... in order to encourage others.

So I'll go ahead and make a big fuss about it.

My kids are fresh home from a weekend at Comfort Zone Camp.   This camp experience has been amazing for my boys.   They have attended five camps over the past six years.    And each year they are anxious to get back  (Well... Daniel needed some prodding this year... but he came home ready to sign up for next year!)
Comfort Zone Camp has provided a safe place for my boys to simply be themselves among other people who 'get it'.   It's a great place to connect with other kids and talk about life and loss.
I can't say enough about this organization.    Just know that CZC is great.    And it's FREE to participants!!  I challenge you to make camp possible for more kids like mine.

***Click here to donate to Comfort Zone Camp!***

I also figured that this post would be a great way to kick off my fundraising efforts for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.
On October 25th, I will be participating in the  "Out of the Darkness Community Walk" in Roanoke.
This walk raises awareness of depression and suicide, as well as comforts those who have lost a loved one to suicide.    I am raising money to help support the AFSP raise money for research and education programs to prevent suicide and save lives.
I challenge you to donate to the AFSP, and help me reach (or surpass) the goal I have set for the walk.

Click here to donate to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention through my fundraising page!

So.  There you have it.
No wet t-shirts and no mess.  But...Donations are made.
And you'll probably be hearing more over the next few months while I give big pushes for these organizations.
:)

the tree

A few days ago, 75 days before Halloween, Lucas decided that it was time to decorate.

I'm not quite sure how it happened.   I may have mentioned something about it in the car.   He was looking for something to do and I may have said something about the Halloween tree.

Perhaps he was inspired by last year's early phone call from Sabrina who prompted him to do the same thing.

I dunno.
But for whatever reason he set up the black tree and decorated it.   He disappeared into the basement, returning every few minutes with more Halloween decor.   He distributed pumpkins around the house and hung Halloween wreaths on the doors.

75 days before Halloween.

Lucas is awesome.    I love his creativity.
And our house feels festive.

When you approach our house at night the lights from the tree are ablaze like Christmas.

I like to keep our neighbors guessing.

With the great anticipation of the ever slowly approaching holiday the cats have joined in on the fun.  I have watched them as they have attempted to claim the tree as their own.    The two of them have nuzzled the branches, stretched up the trunk, and circled up underneath.  
So it was no surprise to me when the tree tumbled to the floor.   And by the time I entered the room.... it was void of cats.
Sneaky bastards.

The tree fail happened tonight at 10:30pm as Daniel and I were scrambling to get ready for bed.
Daniel and I attempted to place the tree upright again, but after struggling for several minutes we realized that the stand was broken!  We bickered back and forth until I decided to retrieve our Christmas tree stand and resolve the problem.
As I type, the tree is back in action.   And I hope that it can survive another 71 days.

Let the countdown to Halloween begin.....

six years

Today marks the sixth year anniversary of Thayer's death.

 I really don't have anything profound to share today.    Our day went as planned.  The boys and I immersed ourselves in mindless television, a friend came to visit, the guitar guy came, and we attended the church cookout.

I think that sad anniversaries are only what you make of them.

This year I decided not to make it a big deal.   Even though, inside, I was struggling.   Every year the anticipation of certain days brings on an emotional and physical reaction.   I know that I just have to get through the day and then life continues as usual.  (kinda like meeting with my financial advisor)  haha ;)
 
No big deal in the grand scheme of things.

 It's not that the time has healed my grief.   Time just makes the grief more bearable.
 I think.  
The grief is certainly not as fresh as it was a few years ago.... but I know that whether it's been six years, or sixty, I will always remember what we had - and lost.

I haven't let my mind 'go there' today.
I have been very happy lately.   I don't want to put myself in that pit of active grief again.
Not yet.  
I haven't needed a good weepy cry.    The time between tears has grown over the years.    In fact, I can't remember the last time I that I have cried.     But I know that tears will come in time.  They usually do.

The boys are very unfazed by the talk of Thayer's death anniversary and upcoming birthday.  I have no idea what goes on in their tween/teen brains.  I don't push them.  I know that they will struggle in their own way, with missing their Dad, as they approach different milestones in life.   For now, they seem okay.   And I am thankful.

As always I am very thankful for my family and friends who have walked this grief journey with us.     God placed all the right people in our lives to help us survive these past six years.
We are truly blessed.

saturday

Tomorrow is Saturday.  Just another day.
 But that Saturday changed our lives forever.

Saturday.
 Just a day in the week.

There have been six years of Saturdays.

The first few months I dreaded Saturdays.  I would relive our last Saturday together.    I'd watch the clock at 6:10 or 6:20.  (which was it?)  And then again around 8.

I counted the days at first.  Then the weeks.  Then the months.
Now I have to count on my fingers to make sure I'm remembering the years that have past.

Six.

Six years of the calendar squares being crossed off.
 And it's back to Saturday again.

I felt it today.   As I've felt it approaching all week.
I wanted to shut down this afternoon.  Instead I took the kids to the skate park and rented a movie.

Tomorrow I will be off duty.   Please don't call.

Thankfully the cute guitar instructor will come break up our afternoon, and we have a church cookout tomorrow evening.

It'll be Saturday.  Just another day.

ugh

spoiler alert : whiny post.

 I just had a minor fit of panic.  For no particular reason.
I explained to the kids, again, for the  millionth time, that the house is a reflection of my mood.... or vice versa... I've never really figured that out.

But the real reason is that it's THAT time of year again.
The carefree summer is evaporating before my eyes.

 Reality bites.

The boys register for school on Wednesday.
Bedtimes and alarms will have to be set next week.    argh.
There are appointments and calls that I've put off all summer.
There's the yearly appoinment with my financial advisor... where there is nothing to show for how I've spent money... except a wider ass and spoiled children.

I have to wrap my mind around working at preschool again.   (someone asked me about my class yesterday... and I said "what class?)  :)

The worst part is that this transitional period is in the shadow of Thayer's death anniversary and his 'would-be' 44th birthday.

This week I'll be registering the kids, where the forms never fail to ask for parental information.
And every year.... those blank lines throw me a curve.   Do I leave it blank?  Do I write 'deceased'?  Do I give any explanation to teachers?
It sucks.

But every year I get through it.  And the boys get through it.
And in a few weeks I'll be very adamant about not throwing a Halloween party..... while I'm out shopping for prizes.

Such is the circle of a year.
My.  How time flies.

twiddling my thumbs

The older son is back from overnight skateboarding camp.  It was a grand success.

The younger son is perturbed that the oldest, and his friends, took over the TV to watch a skate video.

The youngest has Googled "ways to torture your brother"... and has plans in motion.

I am washing clothes and wasting insanely huge chunks of time.  Anxiously awaiting an evening with friends.

It's been a do nothing day.   I am fortunate... I know.
I am also going slightly loopy.
I'm sure that there is something I should be doing.....

friends

I have AMAZING friends.
Really.
 I know that I am fortunate.
I have a few 'groups' of friends and a few BFFs that are like family to me.
I am always so grateful that they take the time to nurture our friendship and take time to make me feel loved and accepted.
I don't get mushy, ever, but I really mean it....  I am majorly blessed with awesome, supportive, friends.

Not having a significant other can be very lonely.   But for the past, almost six, years my friends have gone out of their way to make me feel a part of something bigger than myself.

I have a couple of friends who are always shopping for my next husband.
(Thank you, Jamie, for terming that as 'shopping'.)

I will be TOTALLY thrilled when my next husband enters the storyline.
I have pretty much forgotten what it's like to have a husband around.  I long to have that helpmate, that companion.   And I'm ready and willing to welcome the right man into our family.
But.... I'm not in a huge hurry to settle.
He's gonna have to be one special dude!

I'm currently very happy with my friends and my kids.   My social life pretty much rocks.....
.... even though I think I can count my male friends on one hand.   And I can't recall the last time I had a date.  (wow.  that's depressing)  :(

BUT.... my girl friends and I have FUN!   (always!)
My kids and I have FUN!  (....sometimes.)

I have come to the conclusion that if Mr Right shows up, my friendships will probably suffer.  Friendships are usually casualties of new relationships.  I'd like to think that I could balance everyone.... but dating would surely suck up a lot of my free time, right?
My prayer is that Mr. Right will be accepted into the circles and roll with it.    
He has to be someone who is comfortable with car singing.

....
 please hold while I add that criteria to my official list 
 .....

Okay.  where was I?

yes.  My friends are great!  And I hope that God always surrounds me with these great people. Especially when I'm old.    Chances are....my married friends will become widows at some point.   I could totally use their help with all of the cats.*
 it would be great to have a roommate in the assisted living place.
We'd be able to flirt with old men and make inappropriate comments to the young men who serve our meals.

But I don't want to get ahead of myself.
I'm enjoying where I'm at now.

Thank you, God, for my friends!


*There will absolutely be NO cats.  I promise.

trippin'

Well.  So much for me documenting our 'everyday' occurrences.

 I suppose we've just been too busy. hah.

Last week we snuck away for a few days to go camper-ing with Jamie and T.   Overall a great time and we enjoyed staying in a fancy pants camper!   Way cool.

I could have stayed at the lake for weeks and weeks and weeks but, by the third day, the boys were wiped out and ready to get home.

I really don't enjoy coming back to reality.    I've been super excited that I've been able to escape this summer.     My desire to travel has been slightly nurtured by the mini vacations we have taken this year.  But I'm kinda aching to do a larger trip.  Maybe fly somewhere.

We're "technically" not supposed to have a 'big' trip for another few years.... but we'll see.

a day in my life

It's been over a week since we returned early from our vacation.
The at-home vacation days filled up quickly.    I was able to meet with friends, have a cookout with my family, and spend many hours at the skate park with the boys.

This week we have visited the park, gone camping, and ventured to play in Otter Creek.

Today was our first full day at home.  I intended to clean all day and do all of the stuff that I have neglected for so long.
Upon waking at 10.... (hehe).... I dove into the piles of stuff laying around the house.  For the most part things have been returned to their places.  Lucas woke up and "cleaned" his room.  
 Within a few hours I decided that running errands also sounded like a good idea.   We dropped off things at people's houses and spent way too much money at Target.

I intended to come home and clean the bathrooms and mop the floors.    But why waste time on such things when we don't expect to have company until Sunday??  If I wanted clean bathrooms, I would have invited someone over for dinner tonight!  ;)

Instead of cleaning, I sat to finally finish writing Thank You cards for the gifts from my preschoolers..... back in May.    I normally don't wait this long to write thank you notes.    I have forgotten how tedious it is to write 15 hand written notes.  Even short notes.   Exhausting!
I suppose I have been spoiled with typing.   I enjoy typing :)

That's the update as of thursday afternoon.  
We don't have much planned for the weekend.   Just more of the same.
I am loving my summer and I hope the next month will creep by.

leaving Rodanthe

Wednesday, July 2nd:

Well.   Arthur officially wants to be a hurricane.   So we packed up and left the beach today.
The county had not declared a mandatory evacuation but from the looks of the weather reports, our location was not the best place to be when the storm came by.   Our rental house was close to the ocean, and the dunes out front were rather non existent.    The likelihood of flooding, and salt water in my car didn't seem appealing.     And I was even more convinced when the folks on the weather channel specifically mentioned the "highway north of Rodanthe" as the most susceptible of being breached by the ocean.  (And let me remind you that there is only one road off of that tiny strip of land).  And NO WAY do I want to get stuck out there in the ocean.
About the same time I had decided to pack up, my friends also said that they were hightailing it out of there.    Their executive decision sealed the deal.

The boys and I packed the car, headed up the highway, and went to the aquarium as planned.

I had promised Lucas a big seafood dinner this week.   So we stopped for an early dinner at a Seafood Buffet.
It was about half way through our meal when I realized that I had learned the most important lesson of the day.   "Seafood Buffet" is a far cry from what I'm used to.    Apparently the key to a good seafood buffet are the words "Calabash Style" seafood!   We discovered that the food at this joint was gross, slimy stuff from the ocean.... and they didn't even have french fries.
WHAT?!
Lesson learned.

We hit the road and got home before 10pm.
Sabrina called to inform me that a mandatory evacuation has been issued for Hatteras Island, starting at 5am, Thursday.
 I am thrilled that we got out of there before the thousands of other folk slug their way up Highway 12 in the morning.

I am home tonight and unpacked!
Even though our vacation was cut in half we had a great time.  Lots of sun and relaxing with our friends!

on our toes in Rodanthe

July 1st, continued:
As of Tuesday night we have been instructed to keep an eye on the weather.  Tropical Storm "Arthur" developed down in Florida and is heading our way.   With a possibility of becoming a hurricane as it gains momentum.
By the looks of several weather models the storm should be here by Thursday night /Friday morning.
The realty company has already sent a three page information sheet with instructions for weathering the storm or the steps to take if there is a mandatory evacuation.
The dude at the pier seemed convinced that things weren't going to go well this week.

I, on the other hand, will not let the impending doom ruin my vacation.
The boys and I plan to visit the aquarium tomorrow.
 And then we'll see if the county deems it necessary for us to leave.
I'd hate to cute our stay short.... but we'll do whatever is necessary.

Tuesday in Rodanthe

Tuesday, July 1st:
Three full days of vacation are slowly becoming the past.

Isn't it interesting how the first few days of vacation seem to drag by, and then the last several fly by too fast?  I'm trying to hold on to this Tuesday as long as possible.

Sunday we spent the morning and the afternoon on the beach.
The waves were rough.   Outer Banks rough.
The boys had a close call and learned a valuable lesson, and healthy fear, of the ocean.
Undeterred, they enjoyed a full afternoon of boogie boarding, staying close to the sand.

We've been sticking to our summer sleep schedule!!

We slept late on Monday, ate lunch, and then headed to the sound for an afternoon of glassy smooth water and easy swimming.

The boys had combined their money to buy a two- person inflatable boat and Daniel floated around in the boat for most of the day.

Monday evening, we went out to eat BBQ and ran some errands.

Today we headed to the beach after lunch.   The water was much calmer and the kids enjoyed jumping waves and boogie boarding.    I even joined in on the wave jumping.  It brought back memories from my childhood trips to the beach.

The past few days have given me plenty of time to read!  I'm currently in the third book of The Walk series by Richard Paul Evans.  I recently realized that he is a great storyteller and his books are right up my alley.   They are quick reads with good messages.

I may have more time to read this week since the weather might bring a tropical storm our way later this week.
We'll see how it goes.

Our nights in Rodanthe

Saturday, June 28th:
Our first night in Rodanthe.

We journeyed to the Outer Banks to vacation with our dear friends.
Always a pleasure.

The boys were anxious to get to the ocean so we went down to "put our feet" in the water.  That went just as expected as both boys jumped waves and were soaked in seconds.

Sabrina and I geared up for our big shopping excursion to Food Lion, along with thousands of other people.   It was successful (we survived) and eventually fed the crew pizza for dinner.

My boys and I took a late night walk on the beach.  The sand crabs were out in abundance and we speculated why some Asian folks were collecting them in buckets.
Dinner?

I stood and watched my boys splash in the surf.  Running up and down.... attempting to outrun the waves.
I marveled at how much my boys have grown.
 I thought about how proud Thayer would be.   I missed Thayer.

Then I thought about the magnitude of the ocean.  So huge, so beautiful, so dark, so deadly.
Time by the ocean is so full of family bonding, so much beauty, so much God.   And at the exact same moment the ocean is vast, lonely and consuming.
I stood in the darkness trying to attach words to the black roaring, and squeals of  laughter, in front of me.

By the ocean is where our family has vacationed for years.   The ocean is where we scattered a portion of Thayer's ashes.   The ocean also took the life of my friend's husband.
So much beauty.  So much sadness.
It's like a giant exclamation mark on emotion.

Despite all of this the ocean is one of my favorite places.  Perhaps it's the vastness, and possibility, that draws me.
I'm looking forward to an amazing week with amazing people... by the ocean.

camping

The boys and I headed off on Sunday to camp for a night.
And since the boys tend to turn up their noses at going anywhere with just me, we took a neighbor kid along.

This was the first time I was going as the lone adult.
 I knew I could handle the actual process of camping.  (especially since we planned to eat out for dinner)  ;)
I just wasn't sure if I could handle the lack of adult conversation.  I am a glutton for peer companionship.

It just so happened that the evening was great.   The boys enjoyed playing with fire and I wasn't too annoyed with their random discussions.   AND I slept better than I usually do in a tent!   Apparently we all slept pretty good..... until 9 and 9:30am!
(bonus points for keeping our sleep schedules while camping!)  :)

 I think I'm getting used to the thought of camping more often..... and hopefully staying more than one night when we go out.

After realizing that we will always have extra people with us...   AND after camping with our cousin last week in a ginormous tent, I made the decision to purchase a larger tent for our family.
Tonight we welcomed a "10-person instant cabin tent" into our family.... and into our front yard!
The boys were super excited to try it out.    And the neighbor too.

(I'm not sure what our other neighbors will think... because I can still hear chattering at 11:30pm)
.... but.... my boys are making memories!

ideal summer

  It has taken me a few weeks to work out the kinks in my summer 'ideal'.    The boys and I have had heated discussions on what our summer days should look like.   Apparently our city pool which is Olympic size has become "too small" for my kids. (i.e., they are spoiled and ungrateful).

The one thing we have agreed on is camping, visiting the lake (so far, the lake still seems big to them.), and having late night campfires.

These are all acceptable to me.  And actually very fun for all of us.  So in order to keep video games and TV at bay, I'm encouraging these activities.  I'm going all out.

The most fabulous news is: I have recently achieved my dream of syncing our summer sleep patterns.
We are one of the fortunate families who can host campfires until 10pm, sleep until 9:30-10am, wash and repeat.

My kids don't realize how good they have it.

I tried to explain to my kids that this kind of summer is rare these days.  very rare.

I tried to explain to my kids that the 'real world' works year round.

In just a few years the 'real world' will be a reality to all three of us.
Until then I'm gonna let them be kids.
 And please don't call me before 10am.

the important things

Mom says it doesn't matter what I write and if I wait to write just the important things then I'll probably never write anything, because important things just look like everything else except when you look back on them.

.....

I didn't realize it at the time, but the reason I wrote was always changing.  As I grew older, I wrote as proof of my existence.   I write, therefore I am.

I am.  In each of us, there is something that , for better or worse, wants the world to know we existed.

Alan Christoffersen (in Richard Paul Evan's The Walk)

I have torn through several books in the last few weeks.    Each one, in little ways, has inspired me to continue journaling.  It's true that my reason for writing has changed over time.   I started blogging simply to update family when we lived out of town.   I continued blogging as my own form of therapy when Thayer died.   And more recently I only sit to type if something eats away at me for several days.  

But the truth is.... the simple things in life turn out to be the important things "when you look back on them". Thinking on this has convicted me to start documenting those 'unimportant' moments.... because in reality... these are the moments that count.  

one week

spoiler:  this is a post about how I don't have to work in the summer.   So all you haters, back off.   ;)

One week.   I've been on my summer vacation for approximately one week.    And I have started to question my meaning in life.   What is my purpose?

Seriously.    I just chatted with another single gal who is off during the summers and she brought up the exact same topic......so I know I'm not totally crazy.

Apparently when one stops working..... the free time can become detrimental.    

I made an effort to laze around last week.  (because I'm supposed to deserve a break!)  

I slept in some, took naps, read an entire book,  (yes!  I read!), went out to lunch with friends.   

In my free time I obsessed about cat hair in the house and contemplated what 'that weird smell' in the kitchen is.

And in the remaining free time I pondered what I'm supposed to do with my life.

Turns out that free time is unnerving.

Last week, my prayer was that God would make this a summer of clarity.   I prayed that I would be able to relax, enjoy my family and friends, and find clarity in what God wants me to do next.

Today I thought about selling my house and moving to the country.

I've always told the kids that "if I get married again we will buy some land in the country".   

"If I get married again".

And then it occured to me.... why the heck put my dreams on hold while waiting for some man?!
If that man doesn't come along, what kind of regrets would I have?

I feel like getting a Realtor and just having someone keep an eye out for my dream house.     Not that I would jump and move next month.... but if something amazing came along.... 

why not?

Then again, we're happy here.   So why rock the boat?

At this point, I could go either way.
Really.   My life choices are wide open.    I'll be curious to see how things play out.

I've got another week ahead of me before my kids get out of school.

My goal is to seriously clean the house.    Chances are.... that's not gonna happen.... 

How great?

It's not often that I think about Sunday's talk all week long.   So when I do, I want to pass it along :)

Mark, at Grace Church, spoke about trust and obedience.
He said, "Our actions show what we believe".

We go into worship on Sundays and we sing about how great God is...... but then we act as though He is not.

"You act out of your real beliefs."

So this got me thinking.
Do I believe God to be good, as I declare in song each Sunday?
Thankfully, I do!

Do I act as though my God is as powerful as I claim Him to be?
I pray that my actions and the basis of my daily decisions reflect my belief that God is GOOD.... through eveything.
I believe that he has great plans for us.
I believe that He will provide.

Lord, help my thoughts and actions reflect who You are.

mother's day

Seriously.  Please tell me that I'm not the only person on the planet that had a rough Mother's Day.
A quick glance at Facebook and it appears that everyone was spewing love and roses... enjoying lovely afternoons with their perfect, thoughtful, children...while reminiscing about their births, and taking gorgeous family photos.

My mother's day consisted of my children bumming money off of their grandmother to buy candy... for themselves.    
Not one of my own children wished me a happy mother's day.
Parts of my day made me flustered and sweaty.   In other moments, my kids ignored me, disobeyed me... and disrespected our friends.
I... or my son... broke my phone.  

Happy Mother's Day.

It's not that I expected anything different on this particular day.  But I think way down, deep inside of me, I kinda hoped that today would be a fun filled family day.   Kinda like the ones depicted on Facebook.
(and I realize that I hate to look at Facebook on holidays... because pretty much everyone ticks me off)

With that off of my chest, I have to admit that there were good parts of the day.
Singing at church.
Singing in my car.
Sharing a meal with my mother.
Having a campfire (thanks Lyn).
Hanging with my single mom friends.  
Enjoying the company of my Sunday night crew.
Watching a funny movie.

My friends are my life savers.  They let me vent, they encourage me, and they love my little family in spite of our dysfunction.     I am thankful for my friends who have made me, and my boys, a priority.   These folks are helping to keep me afloat.

At the end of the day... even today... I am immensely thankful.

p.s.  My kids went to bed happy.  And tomorrow is always a new day :)

time flies

After our adventures of having Matthew in our home, our house became a
 "Bed and Make-your-own breakfast" destination.  
Our spring break was packed with overnight visitors.... dear friends who needed a place to stay and/or were just coming to visit.    We housed adults, a two year old, and an old dog.  
I LOVE having company! Yet my hostessing qualities are null at best.    
My overlapping guests found themselves entertaining each other over breakfast ...while I was still asleep!   We have THE best friends who were able to make themselves at home.  I love that.

Before I knew it, we were back to school and work with the realization that summer is just around the corner.   I have less than three weeks left at preschool.  And my boys will be home in early June.  I am ecstatic, to put it mildly.

The change in seasons and the anticipation of summer has revived many thoughts of Thayer.  
Don't misunderstand..... I DO think about him throughout the year... all of the time.
But it seems as though the warm weather, the yard work and the sunnier days bring Thayer to the forefront of my mind.

Today I watched my boys mow and trim the yard.   This will be the first year that both boys will cut the grass, unassisted.  
I am thrilled.  
 I was so proud to see Lucas handle a weed eater.
Boys and their machines.   They make it look so easy!
Thayer would be proud.

I took Daniel for a hair cut today.    His barber, Alison, mentioned that Daniel had grown, and that he looked like his Dad.   I was touched that she even remembered what Thayer looked like.    Her comment made my afternoon.


Tonight we watched The Book Thief.   All spoilers aside.... geez.
Let's just say that it got me thinking about the 'bigger picture'.    Lucas was upset that I even let him watch the movie.   I talked with him afterwards about how our lives are pretty much like books.   Each event shapes and molds us.   Some of us have longer books than others.   My prayer is that Lucas and Daniel have long books, with many chapters, and happy endings.    These first chapters are just a part of their story.

Time continues to fly by.   I need to slow down and enjoy the read.

the good of it

We have a young friend who just returned home after three weeks in the hospital after a long and iffy illness.   During that time we had the privilege to host his brother, Matthew, in our home.   I planned to keep him indefinitely while his brother was hospitalized.

As if one brother in the hospital wasn't adequate, Matthew managed to break his arm while skateboarding at my house, which led to an overnight hospital stay and a new blue cast.

The whole thought of hospitals, sick kids, broken kids and misplaced families.... and you wonder what in the world was God thinking?  How can anything good come from this undue stress on one particular family?

I'm not sure that my friend, who is in the midst of this medical mess, can see the good at this point in time.  But I want to assure her that God has used her family's medical crisis to shine little rays of sunshine to people around them.

Personally, I had no idea how much I would enjoy sharing our home with Matthew.   Sure, we had some moments where I dealt with teenage mouthiness, and had heated discussions about personal hygiene... :).... but overall, by the end of his stay, I was treating Matthew just like one of my boys.  
The four of us, Me vs. Teens: came to an understanding rather quickly and developed a nice routine for our days.

The plus of having Matthew in our home was that I was encouraged to pray with the boys every night.   (Sadly...Daniel, Lucas and I had fallen out of this routine)   But having Matthew at our house reminded me that we HAD to pray for his brother, daily.   no excuses.
 I enjoyed sitting with the boys at night and talking.
Our prayer routine is back.   And I am thankful.

I am also thankful for a developing relationship with Matthew's family.     He, his mother, and siblings have been been attending our church LifeGroup for quite a while.  And it hasn't been until now that I feel a deeper connection to them.      We were able to live LIFE together over the past few weeks.   The good and the bad. That's what LifeGroup is supposed to be about!   I hope that we can stand alongside each other more and more as time passes.
I love our little community!

I have also witnessed the hands and feet of Jesus through the people who have helped out and supported their family through it all.   It has been an encouragement to see people in action, and in prayer, for their family.

As of today, the family is back home together.  Such a blessing.
Please continue to pray for Matthew's brother, Zack, while he is recuperating at home.

p.s. I kinda miss Matthew :)

mother-son outing

Lucas has chosen an exciting topic for his science fair project.    He is gathering information to determine if people live longer these days.    He is hypothesizing that we live longer than folks from long ago.  
To gather evidence, he and I hit two local cemeteries to record birth and death dates.

I was stoked.     I've always kinda liked cemeteries.   They are quiet and peaceful.     Cemeteries are also very popular destinations.  People are dying to get in.

(and yes, I told that joke to Lucas several times today.)

Call us morbid, (and perhaps our last names is Addams), but some of my own childhood memories (the few that I have) are based in a cemetery.    We didn't think it odd when our family picnicked at the local cemetery.... or when I learned to drive on those little narrow roads.

This afternoon, Lucas and I  headed out for a beautiful sunny afternoon in search of 150 birth-death dates, from three categories.  (death dates before 1900, 1900-2000, and after 2000.)  The last two categories were easy to find.  But the pre-1900 tombstones were rather curious.   It was the first time I had sought out specific grave information, and sadly many tombstones from before 1900 were corroded.    And many of them only included a death date.

I moseyed through the cemetery and Lucas plodded along with a clipboard, being very careful to hop over graves and avoid dead people at all costs.   He was rather hilarious.  I enjoyed teasing him when I saw clumps of mud or weird holes....I'd say, "Look! that's where someone came out!"

Oddly enough, it became serious to me when I started calling out dates to him.   I instantly felt compelled to read the name before I said the date.    The thought that, "these people need to be audibly remembered" crossed my mind.   So many of the graves had been neglected and forgotten.  It was the least that I could do... simply read their names out loud and recognize that they, too, had once lived.   Some of the dates represented short lives, and I momentarily grieved for their families.   And some of the folks had lived long lives.  I smiled over their dates.

And that's what we did for almost three hours.  
It was a productive, well spent, afternoon with my boy.  :)

on death

There is a buzz on Facebook about one of my childhood friends who died this week.   I'm pretty sure that I haven't seen him since middle school, as our middle school population was split between two high schools. He went one way, and I the other.
I can understand the sadness of my classmates.
I also recall small, random things, about Brian. Mostly, I remember his smile. I remember his potential.
But not much else.  (As most of you know.... my memory is utterly useless.)

With that said, my day-to-day has gone on as usual this week.

The thing that I'm most concerned about is that his death is just one more young person - gone too soon.   One more boy growing up without his father.  One more mother having to bury her son.
Everything about Brian's death sucks. Really sucks.

I suppose these things happen as we get older.   We should start expecting tragedy among our peers.  It is certain evidence of our fallen world.    
As we age, we can't avoid it.   Naivety is no longer an option.

I remember that I used to liken the effects of Thayer's death to falling abruptly off of a train.   I had fallen off and everyone else kept going.   And getting back on that train seemed impossible.

This week, I pray for Brian's people - those who were close to him.... who are suddenly standing still, watching the train whiz by.    That's a hard place to be.

Dear Barbara

Dear Barbara,
You silly girl.   You just asked me for advice.    That's rather humbling.... scary... and very humorous.

I am very touched that  you consider my opinion to be worthy of consideration.

So for what it's worth, here's my general life advice....(compiled just this evening)....
and it's a great reminder for myself as well!

1.  Support your husband.  Always.  Encourage him in his interests, love him well, and don't sweat the small stuff in the relationship.    Date him, often. 

After Thayer's death, I gained a vivid clarity of what a marriage should be like.   I knew instantly things that I would do differently if given another chance.   So do things right the first time!  Don't hold back.  

2. Let your kids take risks.  Let them learn through natural consequences... which will include failure.   Be honest with your kids about life.  Life is full of disappointments and heartache.  Don't shelter them from it.   Teach them to be brave and compassionate.   Introduce them to all kinds of people and new situations. 

They are individuals who will need to live, work, and be productive adults in a fallen world.   

Pray that they will be a light in the darkness.

3.  Say "NO".   

If you don't want to do something... say 'no'.  
It takes a while to master this.   But that one word will change your life!  
Keep some empty calendar squares-- and chances are-- they will fill up with things that you enjoy doing!  (instead of things you are obligated to do).

4. Nurture your friendships.  (By spending time with friends)

This is a biggie, but make this happen!    It is a time to re-energize, relax, and feel like a 'person' again.
It can be easy to get stuck in the mom role... but you are your own person too!  
 Once the kids are grown, or (heaven forbid) your husband dies, (or leaves you for a younger woman)....  your friends will be vital.  Don't isolate yourself.

Bonus: Netflix.
I threw this in here because Netflix has been a great asset to my happiness.
Choose a series and watch one episode each day.  you can do this, because you deserve it!

disclaimer:  I, in no way, claim to be an expert in advice giving.  I am a broken, imperfect person, with imperfect kids, in an imperfect environment.
But for what's it's worth.... I'm happy.  :)

content discontentment

I have been reveling in snow day excitement.
Don't get me wrong... I enjoy my job.  But I enjoy not going to my job more.
I have an idealistic dream that I can one day become a stay at home mom again.   Ha.  Not that I can birth any more babies.  But it would be cool to stay home and be house wifey.   Perhaps my future sugar daddy can let me fulfill my dream.

I am not one that enjoys to stay at home for long periods of time.  I usually have to go somewhere every day. 
With the thought of impending snow, I had to gear up for this week.   For days prior to the snow, we ran around, went shopping, went to the skate park, and ate out.  I knew I had to get activity out of my system or I would completely melt down with cabin fever.

It's been one full day at home.  I survived.   And I accomplished nothing.
(Well, I did balance my checkbook, only to realize that we probably shouldn't have run around so much this week). ha.

Overall, It was nice to have a day 'off' from everything, but I find it difficult to be content with doing nothing.  It's hard to just be still.   I am so very content with being at home, but not necessarily content with being at home.  (If you know what I mean.)

I've been learning "rest" for almost a year.   It was my 'one word' from last year.  And I'm still learning.  A lot of it has to do with me learning to be content with non-action.
I'll have another opportunity to practice this tomorrow....
right after we shovel the driveway...

because,really,  I need to get outta here!

hermit

Coming down from our winter tour as well as a recent Girls' weekend has been an adjustment.   This week we were blessed with 'snow' days and late days and many sleep late days.  
I feel like a slug.
The bathrooms need to be cleaned.      Not to mention that I just remembered that the Christmas tree is still decorated in the basement.     (The secret hopes that Lucas will take down the tree as easily as he put it up are dispelling.)
This week there have been moments in which I felt like a hermit.  Bedded down at night watching countless episodes on Netflix.  And when the episodes ran out I somehow managed to rediscover my old addiction to Facebook Scrabble and a new addiction to lego brick candy.
Hermit indeed.
I'll blame the weather.   for now.

The past month or so I have had a lack of  'committed' activities.   No life group, no ladies night, no widows group, no weekly agenda.  
And I realize that I LOVE it.

I have always been so busy planning activities and events that I am just now realizing how freeing it is to not be committed to so many people.
I know that  I thrive around people.   I have to have companionship.  I've always surrounded myself with people.
But the last month has been different somehow.    I've been around a TON of people... but not in a serious scheduled manner.
Is that the key?  Living on the fly?  being a free agent?

I've tasted a bit of what it's like to not be 'in charge' of activity.   I so often feel  like I'm holding the group together.... or always initiating activity with others.
And I'm slowly realizing that it is exhausting!
I'm learning to say 'no' and I'm slowly stepping back from responsibilities that I used to deem necessary.
I'm praying that I can continue to maintain those free calendar squares and be able to live in the moment more often.
I'm trying to convince myself to nurture the relationships that are important to me.  Because honestly, everything else is wasted energy.

Lord, help me to focus on my kids, my family and my friendships this year.    I pray that everything falls into place, according to your plans for us.  
And it would be kinda nice if I could go on a date this year too.  Amen.

the tour

On New year's eve, my friend Kim said, "This is going to be our year!"

And by golly, I'm claiming that!  

This is going to be MY year!

I am asking for big things... and I am going to expect big things!

We just landed back in reality after finishing up an awesome 'visiting tour' with friends.    The official Botham tour started last Saturday in Fredericksburg.   We visited one of my best friends and her family.    Her two kids entertained us and we enjoyed eating pizza, hanging out, shopping at Target and enjoying late night frozen yogurt.

We departed Fredericksburg and drove through cold nasty rain on I-95 to descend upon another favorite friend in Leesburg.   She was sans kids for the evening... so she and I did a lot of catching up while my kids played video games.   We went out for Mexican and then returned to watch Despicable Me 2.

We woke early on Monday morning and hit the road.

Our next stop was IKEA!!  We had the specific goal to pick out a dresser and night stand for each boy.    I figured that we would have room in the car for nightstands... but would probably need to ship the dressers.   We found the perfect furniture, and much to my ecstatic surprise... it ALL fit into our car!   This was the major accomplishment of our entire trip.   I am so proud.

Leaving IKEA we headed south to visit another life-long friend and her crazy boys, in Glen Allen.   Our four boys get together and cause a lot of chaos.  We always have a blast with them.   I feel like her home is my home-away-from- home.    We spent Monday and Tuesday with these folks and their friends.   On New Year's Eve we took the boys to Jumpology during the day and stayed up late to ring in the New Year.  Really late... like 1:30am!   If I recall.... the boys were outside on the trampoline shortly after midnight.   whew!

We slept in on New Year's day and slowly made our way to visit some of my absolute favorite people on the planet, who happen to live in  Ruckersville.    I spent part of the afternoon learning a new card game while the boys hung out.    We enjoyed a dinner with one of their friends.... a very nice man that they have been wanting me to meet.    swoon.   We hung out and played cards until it was time for the boys and I to move along.

We arrived later than planned, in Charlottesville, at the home of a wonderful couple that had traveled to Africa with me.   They are precious people with a 20 month old son.    My boys were quick to get to bed and I stayed up and chatted with my friends until almost 2am!    Thursday morning we awoke to a huge homemade breakfast of banana pancakes, sausage links, cheesy eggs and fresh fruit.     A bed and breakfast indeed!

Before heading home we visited with some of my other favorite people in Charlottesville.   It was so  nice to catch up with my friend and her daughter while the other family members were busy getting ready to host a concert in their basement!  I am always in awe at how cool their family is!

The boys and I finally headed home on Thursday afternoon.   The past six days had been a blast!   I would love to do something like this every year!  However... upon mentioning our 'tour'.... Lucas added, "it's the first and the last".   haha.

Those boys were ready to get home.   Thankfully we have a few days to recover before we get back to the grind of school and work.

I am so very thankful for my friends who opened their homes to us!  It was such a blessing to spend time with each of them!

a note to my single mom friends

Christmas morning.  12:50am

My precious friends,

I get it.  And I want you to know that you are not alone today.

I'm sure that I'm not the only one that stayed up way too late, waiting for the kids to fall asleep... and therefore became a tired weepy mess.

I'm sure that I'm not the only one that couldn't stand another minute of "It's a Wonderful Life"... and decided to watch
 "P.S. I Love You" instead.  (Well... possibly I am.)

But I'm totally sure that I'm not the only one who cried while stuffing stockings.

I thought of you tonight.  Each of you.    

Some of you are spending your first Christmas without your husbands.... and my heart breaks into a million pieces for you.

Some of you can count the years without. (this is my sixth).  

And some of you have never had a husband to share the moments.

It sucks.

I'm not sure if it ever gets easier.   Each Christmas is different.   

I haven't always shed tears... but I've felt alone.

I know that our house will fill with family and laughter in the morning.   And everything will seem much better to me after a good night's sleep.   

I know that some of you may be alone for the day.   Please know that I will be thinking of you, and praying for you.

 P.S. I Love You,  had a great reminder for folks like us:

Alone or not, you gotta walk ahead.

Thing to remember is:

If we're all alone...

then we're all together in that too.

Thank you, ladies, for being together with me.

It's quite a journey.

Blessings to you and the kids today!

Merry Christmas!

'Tis the season

I've always thought that December was our 'slower' month.   And actually, it still is!
I have lots of empty squares on the calendar and there is no urgent need that is overwhelming me.  
(Other than some drama related with getting family pictures printed and ready to mail to out of town in-laws.)  But I checked that off the list today!

Despite the fact that I keep telling people that I'm not traveling to visit in-laws this Christmas.... I have started planning a 'visiting tour' that the boys and I plan to take during our school break.  
All of those out of town friends that I miss and neglect?  Well.... we're going to see them!  I'm hoping to visit with six families over a period of 4-6 days.  No pressure, right?
This will be an exciting adventure :)

I'm also slated to host our family Christmas lunch.   By 'host' I mean 'have at my house'.  That isn't any pressure except knowing that I'll need the bathroom cleaned in time for Christmas.  We'll all bring food and the kids will be thrilled to exchange their Pollyanna gifts with their cousins.

I find it interesting that this season I have been surrounded by friends who are really down.... and others who are really up.    I'm finding it hard to relate.
I feel like I'm just coasting in the middle these days.  I'm far from depressed... but I'm also far from elated.   Christmas just isn't the same without Thayer.   And each year tends to become more humdrum.   We go through the motions and have a good time.... but the season isn't fantabulous.  
Perhaps that comes along with having older children.  
It's still good.  But different.

The highlight of the season is my Christmas break!  We only have five more days of school and work.  Then I can enjoy several days of sleeping in!  My favorite!
The countdown begins!