5 years

The five year mark has come and gone.   And ya know what?   I made our lives so busy that I think I missed it.   
I didn't miss thinking about Thayer.  I didn't miss thinking about that night that changed our lives.  I didn't miss the thought that 'five years' has been a long time.   I didn't miss thinking about how so many people were impacted by his death.   I didn't miss contemplating, in detail, that fateful day.
But I did miss crying about it this year.

I knew that I was planning lots of activity so that I wouldn't sit at home and be sad.   But it appears that I planned SO much activity that I am exhausted!!

Prior to the death anniversary, we had Thayer's grandmother come to stay for eleven days.    It was nice to have her here and we enjoyed looking through all of my photo albums and remembering 'back then'.   The visit was nice, but also tiring for all of us.

Then, the boys and I spent a long day in c-ville visiting with our friends and catching up.   I love being up there with many of my favorite people.... especially those who knew, and loved, Thayer.

On the eve of the anniversary, we went camping with my family.   (Interesting how much I enjoy camping, yet we don't do it often enough).  We spent August 16th at the lake with my parents, my sisters and their families.     My parents had balloons for the kids to release in memory of Thayer.    

We returned home that night to spend time with family friends, (Thayer's bestie), who stayed with us for several days.   That weekend included a girl's night out with other 'out of town' friends and many fun filled moments with friends.

This past week, we jumped right into registration and school stuff and then hit the road for a long weekend in Williamsburg.   One last fling before reality hits.
We made it back to town just in time to gather with our lifegroup and pray for the kids and their upcoming school year.  

Laundry is brewing and I thought it would be a good idea to debrief a bit before I wipe our summer slate clean.
Tomorrow is the first day of school and work.

I'm actually looking forward to sending the boys away in the morning, regaining a sense of routine, and having some 'down' time in the afternoons.   I'm thinking it will be nice to have a vacation from the vacation.
Although I'm already missing my summer sleep schedule :(

peace

I've had several rough evenings with my boys and church was a welcome relief today.   The worship songs seemed especially sweet this morning as I had a dear friend on my heart.

One song in particular stood out as my prayer for her today.   "Peace" by Brian Morykon.  Based on Mark 6:42-52 



As the day went on I kept singing the song, and praying for my friend, when I realized that God was also talking to me!

After these rough days with my boys, I finally had a little temper tantrum last night directed at God and Thayer.   I cried out to Thayer....  as if he's listening :)... that HE is supposed to be here to help with these kids.  I never imagined dealing with pre-teen attitudes on my own.   I was weepy and upset with Thayer.   How dare he leave me here with these kids?!   What am *I* supposed to do with these kids?  I'll never manage on my own!

And today..... God said "Whoa!.... Have you forgotten where we've been?  You're not alone in this!  I have provided for you from the start.  Remember all that you've been blessed with?  This road that we have journeyed together?  All of the support that you have? 
How quickly you have forgotten!"

Just like the disciples in Mark 6!  Those guys had just witnessed a miracle as Jesus fed thousands of people with a tiny amount of fish and bread.   They went out in their boat and it got a little windy.  Jesus went out to them.... walking on the water... and they were terrified, thinking he was a ghost.    Jesus calmed the wind and they were "completely amazed".
They had totally missed what had just happened with the fish and bread because 'their hearts were hardened".

Really?  How can we, like the disciples, keep missing the miracles?!  And why does Jesus need to show himself over and over and over before we see the blessings that He showers on us?

I want to make a point to remember the blessings I have been given.    I want the peace that God gives when we acknowledge the fact that HE is in control.  
The waves are under Him.