my confession

I have a confession to make.  And it has to be made quickly before word gets out that I'm a hypocrite.

Honesty is my forte.  So here goes:

I went to see Magic Mike XXL.

Most of you won't even bat an eye at that.  
But a handful of you.... you know the married friends who I questioned for seeing the first Magic Mike?  Remember those conversations about respecting your husbands, blah, blah, blah?

Well.  I think I still stand by those thoughts.  But I'll be a little less judgy.

First, I must be clear that I had zero interest in seeing this movie until one of my friends mentioned that a scene was filmed where we had vacationed at Myrtle Beach.  I figured that would be neat to see on screen.
So... when one of my single friends suggested that we go see the movie.... I tagged along.

I was hesitant... for fear that I would be uncomfortable.    But I put on my big girl pants and went just for the heck of it.

My review?... it sucked.

As far as movies go it lacked plot, decent acting, and  even basic cinematography.  It seemed low budget and lame.  And I didn't appreciate the foul language.

As some movie go-ers stated.... "we didn't come for a good story or good acting."
 touche.

But the thing is.... Channing Tatum is an excellent actor!   I have enjoyed all of his movies.   I'm pretty sure that if he was filmed reading from the dictionary for two hours  I would have been more entertained.
He was the only thing that carried this film.  (for obvious reasons)... but also due to less than a handful of witty lines and his charm.

The rest of the film was trash.

Here is what threw me for a loop:
I had gone in to the movie expecting to see male dancers shake their stuff on a stage.    I had no idea that the 'dancing' part of this film was solely acrobatics and simulating sexual positions with 'lucky' females pulled from a crowd.
I'm pretty sure I had a pained/ confused expression for most of the movie...because my forehead is still crinkled up.  

This movie was raunchy.


I was impressed with the physique of these guys and their strength.     I can't think of anyone in real life that can move like Channing Tatum.

And it's with that thought that I stick to my 'respect your husband' thing.
If I had seen the movie and then gone home to an average husband, would I not be thinking of how built Tatum is?   Would I not be wanting that kind of treatment at home?  
Would my focus shift, even slightly,  from the man that I chose to love and cherish?  
Just something to think about.

side note:  The whole thing with male dancers.... I don't get it.  
God created men to be stimulated visually.     But women are more emotional creatures.   right?
Sure... it's nice to see a man with a buff torso.... But those banana hammocks..... eww.      

I was more intrigued when he was fully dressed and moving furniture.
swoon.

plans change

I just finished watching a series on Netflix.   You know how some series end with a fast forward?   The last scene usually shows where everyone ended up and it's packaged neatly with a bow?
The show today threw me for a loop, with a two year fast forward.... and I may have shed a few tears over the characters.

Just like life.   Who knows where any of us will be in two years?!  The possibilities are pretty much endless.    We can strive and plan for what we'd like to happen, but in reality everything can change.
I, for one, can testify that life plans can change in an instant.

Just this week I have noticed changes that I would have never anticipated, or planned.
Simple things really.   But simple things could change an entire course.

First of all...  Let me say how effective God can be at changing things in our hearts and minds.
As many of you know I went to Uganda in 2011.   Ever since my return I have had plans to take my boys to experience Africa.   The year has been set.  2017.  I have planned for it.  Talked about it.  Set aside money for it.   My kids have even received some of the shots required to travel abroad.
And then.... just like that.... God said.... "Eh.  That's overrated. Why don't you let your kids experience another culture when they go with the church to Mexico?"

What, God?   I had plans!  They need to go to Africa.  2017.  I've talked about this for years.

Just like that.  Overnight.  (Actually during one of my morning walks).  My long term plan kind of evaporated.  poof.
And ya know what?  I'm okay with it.
Who even knows where we'll be in two years?


This week Lucas and I shared a difficult day together.   It was a challenge for me.  (It brought me back to the days/years following Thayer's death when Lucas was angry and unpredictable).  I didn't have a clue what to do that day.   I had not planned on having such a sucky day.   I had to pull up my bootstraps and do the single parent thing the best I could.  
(I have a great support system who offered to step in and help.  Their encouragement, and listening went a long way.  thank you!)

And you know what?   The next day things were back to normal!  Smooth sailing again.   During that one day of strife I was reminded of how quickly things could change.  In our case it was just a bad day.   Just like Alexander's mom says, "some days are like that, even in Australia."

We can't predict where we'll be in two years.   We can't even state in certainty if we'll be around at the end of the day.      
I can make daily plans that are blocked by a barricaded door.
Or God can change plans that we thought all along were a good idea.

I think the best part of knowing God is in charge... is also knowing that whatever changes occur are for the best.
 Bring it.

If anything, I think I'm learning to be flexible.   To roll with it.
Have no regrets.

again

Another young man lost his life in a motorcycle accident this weekend.   The details of the accident sounded eerily similar to Thayer's.    I was able to put myself in the shoes of his family... because we've been there.  This guy leaves behind two kids too.  

It's a tragedy.  Fatherless kids.

The topic of fathers has been on my mind lately.  

 I don't know what it's like to grow up without a Dad.    My Dad has always been around.   And I can't imagine a childhood without my Dad in the household.

My boys aren't at the point where they talk much about their 'feelings'.... but I know that they must miss a Dad in their lives.     One of my widow friends shared with me that her son, now a teenager, actually expressed that he missed his Dad.      And I'm sure my boys do too.  
So many milestones are upon us.   And the list will continue to grow.  

I've been embarrassing my boys lately with talks about puberty and their changing bodies.   I talk about weird stuff and we all laugh about it.     But really....How odd it must be for them to have their Mom at the helm of puberty talks.  
It's just our reality and we roll with it.

I'm watching a show on Netflix that is dealing with some deep stuff within a blended type family.   I thought the show revolved around a foster kid who was reunited with her birth parents.... but in actuality, the show is revealing the reality of most families.   People have Daddy issues. People have Mommy issues.  There is rejection, loneliness, regret.   And everyone has the need to feel wanted and  loved.

I'm sure that these fatherless kids will have so many feelings to dig through as they get older.   And the damage is clearly a lifelong struggle.
But in the end I hope that my boys feel loved.   Really loved.