thankful

My fabulous friend, Sabrina, hosted a party for me tonight.
A send-off party to wish me well and bless me before I head to Uganda.
It was fabulous.
My family and a few close friends came over and provided a superb meal and fun fellowship, and a little bit of Pictionary mania.
I was showered with goodies to take on my trip and several Bible verses to remind me of God's promises.
I had a lovely evening. It was a wonderful reminder of how fortunate and blessed I am to have such amazing friends and family. I truly am.
These are the folks who have stuck with me through it all. They have seen me in my best moments. And in my worst moments. And somehow they keep coming around.
I am thankful :-)

exciting-do-nothing-day

I technically should be doing something today. But I'm choosing not to.

I've already had the 'run-around-and-buy-stuff-for-the-trip-days', and the 'clean-up-your-bedroom-or-else-day', and the 'I-should-probably-pay-the-bills-night'.
So today, I think I'm gonna shoot for a nap.
Interesting enough... here I sit with computer in lap. not napping.

I leave in less then two weeks and I'm totally chill about it. I am certain that my relaxed state of thinking is directly related to the fact that I've been prayed over these last few weeks. I have this great sense that my preparations will fall into place and I certainly don't need to sweat the small stuff.

Sure, I've got plans to have the house in tip-top condition before I leave. And I've even joked about cleaning out my drawers, just in case I don't make it back. (I'd hate to think about my poor family having to sift through all of the junk.)
But honestly, I doubt I'll get to the drawers.
Ideally I'd like the floors to be visible before I leave the country. :)

I think I'll start tomorrow.

staying up

I had slight intentions of going to bed at a decent hour tonight.
The past few weeks I have slumped back in to my late night habits.
Certainly not as bad as the first year after Thayer died. I'm still not sure how I lived that year. I can remember that I used to go to bed every night between 2-3am. With my alarm waking me at 6am. I was a zombie.

More lately, I have been going to bed around 1am. Sleep comes easy these days... as long as it's preceeded by a scalding hot bath.

Tonight as I sit and listen to the silence of my boys reading, and the rattle of the washing machine... it occured to me that I could actually watch TV tonight.

I have been arrogantly proud of the fact that I don't watch tv. I know, I know... I've got Netflix...and internet... and that counts for alot of wasted time. I love my netflix movies and my dates with NBC.com.

I have been anxiously following the "Parenthood" series on NBC.com.
Last week, for the first time in forever, I went downstairs to watch Parenthood in real time. I was bummed when I remembered that commercials were part of the gig.
But I'll deal.

So tonight, I'm waiting up to watch it again.
I can't rave enough about this show. It is well written, the character development has been right-on, and the plot is so true to life. It's just a great 'feel good' show about families.

No idea why I'm blogging about tv.

This week I am getting items ready to pack for Uganda. I've got to deliver my personal stow bag on Saturday. All else will go in my carry-on. It feels like departure is just around the corner!
My Dramamine is ready to go. (and no... I DON'T buy the 'less drowsy' formula). I suppose I should think about loading that iPod. It's gonna be a long trip...

fun fact

I'm not sure if I have voiced this fact... but if you haven't heard...
I love my feather comforter. It is the best thing. ever.
and I love my feather pillow equally, if not more.
fantabulous sleeping.

The fun fact is this:
I came to the conclusion shortly after Thayer's death that he had been my pillow fluffer for the duration of our marriage.
(this was before my fascination with all things feather.) (but that's irrelevant)

At some point after he died, I realized that my pillow was flatter than usual. And I needed to fluff it.
I then recalled a night when I witnessed the pillow fluffing. And it occurred to me that he probably fluffed both pillows when he went to bed each night.
A little gesture that I never noticed or appreciated until after he was gone.

This isn't a sad thought to me... but just a neat little thought about all of the little things that spouses do, undetected.
sweet :)

provisions

I'm getting stoked about my trip.
I have procrastinated long enough with the clothes and supply shopping. I'll be jumping into that over the next two weeks.

We had a meeting on thursday night. The subject of journaling came up again. The leader mentioned that it's important to journal about how God has been providing for the trip....by providing the funds and supplies.

I was reminded that most of the team members have been doing serious fundraising over the last few months. And it would probably be neat to hear about how God has provided the funds.

The sobering thought hit me that God provided for my trip through Thayer's death.
I've known this all along, but when it comes down to it... and when we are supposed to thank God for his provisions... how can I be thankful that God has provided for my trip through the death of my husband?

That's alot to chew on.

I am taking this trip as a result, and because, of Thayer's death.
That can put quite a damper on pre-trip excitement and thankful thoughts.

I have decided not to dwell too much on the unusual manner of God's provisions. I think I would go crazy. For now, I will accept that 'it is what it is' and be thankful for the opportunity.

I'm praying that something good will come from this...

journal it...

I'm supposed to be keeping a journal of my thoughts and prayers leading up to my Uganda trip.
My plan all along has been to blog along the way... since that's the way that I usually journal my "deep" thoughts.

Truth be told, I'm not sure what I need to write about yet. I haven't had any thoughts other than getting my vaccinations and shopping in order.
The vaccinations have taken up more time and effort than I thought. But I am one shot away from being immunized against just about every major illness known to man :)

I have been oddly calm about this whole adventure. I know that things will fall into place over the next few weeks.
I will be attending a meeting on Thursday, in which I hope they will address packing requirements, etc.

I have had one consistent prayer about the trip. My prayer is that God will work things out for His Glory. And that His Hand will clearly guide all of the activities.
And that the outcome will be good :-)

I am very excited to be able to walk alongside the Ugandan widows, hear their stories, and be a part of an organization that wants to meet their practical needs, as well as their spiritual needs.

I have no idea what to expect. But I know that it'll be life changing.

2011

I've noticed a theme running around facebook and in the blogger world. Everyone has given up on making New Year's resolutions.
(Which is brilliant... because making resolutions has always seemed like a lousy idea to me).
These folks have decided to make "one word" that entails how they would like to envision the upcoming year.
My first thought was "gee... all of these organized people can throw it all together into one word. how convenient. What a great way to plan ahead". (sarcasm intended)

Being the sometimes grouchy person that I am, I thought back to when I wanted to plan everything. My pocket calendar was my world. I thought I had everything together and whatever I planned needed to happen, or else.
Then my husband died.
I no longer carry a pocket calendar.
And I only use the kitchen calendar so I'll remember where I need to be and who's keeping the kids.

So... when it comes to thinking of 'one word' for the upcoming year... I was stumped. How dare I make a prediction or a hope or a plan, of what, or who, I'd like to be. Or how I'd like to feel.
Life is too freakin' unpredictable.

Now that I've glanced through the "One Word" website it makes a little more sense. We are supposed to come up with who we'd like to be by the end of the year and pick a word that is a descriptive quality of that person.
If it's that easy....
I think my word will be 'skinny'.
or
how about 'irresistible'?

oh. I forgot... I'm already irresistible. ;)

But seriously. The closest I can come up with is:
"Appreciative"

As I've prayed with the boys the last few nights, my prayer has been that we will be 'appreciative' of all of God's provisions and blessings in the year to come.
We are overly blessed, even in the midst of loss. And I don't ever want to take these blessings for granted.

so, here's to 2011...

what's YOUR word?