fatherless

We've finally received the snow that we've been waiting for all winter.    It came in 'spring', on Palm Sunday.  I love when God surprises us in unexpected ways. 

The three of us hung out all afternoon watching the snow fall and watching random things on Netflix.
The boys didn't venture outside to play until after dinner.  I don't expect to see them again until after dark... .when I insist that they come in and thaw out.  (they came in around 8:30)

The weather has been wacky.   Yesterday was warm and beautiful.   I took Daniel and the neighbor kids to a local skate park.  They skated for several hours. 

A few of the unattended kids would come over and talk to me because I was the only parent who was hanging out.   One of the boys, 9 years old, kept asking me to watch him.   He'd keep coming over and saying, "Did you see me?"    It was a curious thing that he needed so much affirmation.  
He was asking for the same attention from the skate park attendant.  
The attendant casually mentioned to me, "that kid really needs a Dad in his life".  
I quietly agreed.... and held back my initial thought of "my boys do too."

How interesting.  I wonder how often my kids come across as "needing a Dad in their life"?
I wonder if it's obvious to random people in public?   How obvious is it that my kids don't have a Dad?

I think I can speak for most widowed, single parents when I say this:

I'd be rich if I had a dollar for everyone who has tried to be helpful in asking, " Do your boys have a strong male influence in their life?"    Many well meaning people have suggested that my children's issues would somehow be less daunting if they had a great guy that could mentor them.
And I agree... but it's easier said than done.

In my case....The short, appeasing, answer is 'yes', my Dad (their Papa) hangs out with them alot.   He takes them on outings, he hangs out with them, and he is involved in their life.
But... he is their Grandfather.   He is filling that role perfectly.   He is not their Dad, nor do I want him in that role.

Many people have said, "Surely your church has some young men that can do things with your kids?"  And perhaps it does... but the opportunity hasn't presented itself on a regular basis.    I think it's hard to find mentors for kids when most men are busy with their jobs and their own families.   Who am I to suggest that they spend time with my kids as well? 
It would take a special person...

And would you believe that while I was writing this post, my attention was drawn to facebook and I noticed a link to a church message about the fatherless?!
I just spent the last 50 minutes listening to this message and I was so very encouraged.   I'm tempted to move to Atlanta and be a part of this church.  ;)
The North Atlanta Church of Christ is on to something!   As a single mom, their message, their children's ministry, and challenge to their members is exactly what I want to hear.   
 It was encouraging to see that there are men out there who are helping to raise boys to men.
(as a side note, I think that most churches drop the ball when ministering to 'modern families'.)

My ultimate hope and prayer is that God will be the father to my fatherless boys.   I'm relying on God to bring the right men into their lives, at the right time, to help shape them into the men that God wants them to be.   Right now, the mentoring pool is slim... but I pray that as my boys grow and become involved in various activities that God will place the right men in their paths.   
I have hope.  And God will provide.

A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.  ~Psalm 68:5

 

The LORD watches over the foreigner and sustains the fatherless and the widow, but he frustrates the ways of the wicked. ~Psalm 146:9

an amazing square

My ten year old has been begging for weeks for me to take him to Amazement Square.   Amazement Square is an amazing place the first time you go.   But after a year long family membership (which was a gift after Thayer's death... and very much used and very much appreciated).... the place got old and boring.

 Since Lucas' recent excitement seemed to be fresh, I took him and a neighbor for a magical visit to the museum today.   Interesting enough... except for one exhibit... the place was exactly as I remember it from 2009/10.

I tried to get some kind of discount for a "parent that would not be involved at all during their visit".... but alas I had to pay full price.   I knew that the boys would lose me in a heartbeat as they made themselves scarce in the climbing structure.     Lucas told me where to wait and they disappeared.  I wandered around a while and then sat in my designated location.   I knew without a doubt that they would show up again if they were hurt, hungry, thirsty, or bored. 

I'm not sure that the facility has awards for folks like me (the ones who let their kids run rampant).... but I found that ALL of the parents were letting their kids run rampant, but I was the only one smart enough not to run around looking for them.  (I was smart to wait in the 'designated meeting place') 

As I sat in the lobby for two hours I was amazed at what a stressful, uneasy environment this kind of place can be.   I was physically uncomfortable as I watched frantic parents looking for their kids.... screaming up into the 'tower' looking for little Jack.... running up the stairs to retrieve darling Adeline... watching Adeline reduced to tears while being reprimanded for running off by herself.

I was also amazed that for every one child that entered the doors, they were accompanied by atleast three or four adults.  Parents and grandparents.   The moms usually toting a smaller sibling and the grandparents looking flustered and confused.  
And even with an entourage of chaperones... the kid goes missing. 
Same story for two hours.
It was exhausting.

Some of the parents looked they they had it together until I realized that they actually were trying to wrangle 3 other kids out of the play structure.   Their assumption of control was a facade because clearly the kids were calling the shots.   I had a rare glimpse into some of these families because I was the fly on the wall.   So many wild eyed kids ran through that lobby.  And I kept thinking, "only in America".   geez. 

Then it occured to me that I used to be one of those parents!  I must have been.  I had two small children at one time...and I frequented crazy kids' places too.   At the time,  I thought I rocked the mommy thing... but apparently I was just as lame and crazy as the people I observed today.

And here I was.... sitting on the bench in the lobby relishing the thought that I had 'been there' and 'done that'.    Yet, also knowing full well the the kids that I should have been watching were playing havoc on four floors of fun.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of myself for making it through the early years.... or if I should feel guilty for enjoying the 'older' years a little too much.

my word

Currently reading My One Word by Mike Ashcraft.  
And my one word this year...   
(drumroll please)......

REST

This has been hard to explain to people because I do not simply mean being lazy or sleeping more.   (even though sleep does happen to be a focus for me this year!)

This year I want to focus on:

REST in God's presence.
The Lord replied, "My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest."   Exodus 33:14

REST in quiet time with God.
"...Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest." Mark 6:31

REST in God's security.
"Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure." Psalm 16:9

REST in God's promises.
Praise be to the Lord, who has given rest to his people Israel just as he promied.  Not one word has failed of all the good promises he gave through his servant Moses. 1 Kings 8:56

REST in contentment.
Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from Him.  Psalm 62:5

Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you. Psalm 116:7

REST from excess and rest from busyness.
These two carry over into several aspects of life and I'm anxious to see how God will teach me this year.

It's interesting to see the little ways that God has already spoken my word to me in the past few weeks.  Several Bible verses and songs have popped up at the right moment, as gentle reminders that God's got this.   My prayer is that I can rest in God alone this year and focus on deepening my relationship with him.

1st visual

Andrew Peterson has written the soundtrack of my life.   I have often thought that God uses Andrew as a direct line to my heart.   His music has followed me through marriage,babies, kids, moving, job transitions, road trips, financial and marital strains, road trips, death, and life transitions.    

Thayer introduced me to Andrew Peterson's music back in 2000.   Thayer ran sound for Andrew during a show at our church.   I didn't go to the concert, (I think I was home with a new baby) but Thayer brought home a CD.... and I was hooked.

As I was recalling the impact of Andrew's music on my life, I realized that Andrew's music has also been the background music for my boys.   They know the music.  I catch them singing along at times.   They have absorbed many of the songs subliminally while they slept on road trips.   They know about Andrew Peterson.

They are aware that Andrew came to sing at Thayer's memorial service.  Both boys were so young and they probably don't recall the details, or realize how gracious Andrew was to be a part of the service.

Despite the fact that they know about Andrew Peterson, I recently realized that they have never seen Andrew in concert!  

I took my boys to their first Andrew Peterson concert tonight.  (with special thanks to my friends John and Lois!)
Andrew and Jason Gray joined forces for this particular tour.   

The venue was our old church in Charlottesville.   It was nice to go back and recognize many familiar faces.
As I surveyed the room, I recalled the countless hours that Thayer worked while the church was being built.  He helped set up the sound system.   I could see his handiwork throughout the room.
Then I considered it odd how Thayer ran sound for Andrew Peterson back in 2000....
and now in 2013, Andrew was plugged in to the sound system that Thayer helped to design and construct.
(Just an interesting thought.)


Andrew Peterson (left) and Jason Gray (right)  Photo by Lois :)

Even more interesting.... when Andrew and Jason came on stage... Lucas leaned over and said "Which one is he?" 
WHAT?!   How could MY child not know who Andrew Peterson is?  Has he lived in a box his entire life?

Silly me.   Lucas has heard Andrew his entire life... but does not remember seeing him!    I was a bit amused... and even more determined to take my kids to more shows!

The concert was refreshing.   The boys bought a few CDs and a t-shirt.   And my bro-in-law snapped a great pic of Lucas and my niece with Jason Gray!
I'm looking forward to taking my kids out on the town more often :)