something good is coming

 I'm super late to the world of listening to podcasts.   Basically because I never really knew how to listen to them.  lol.  
"Just download the Google Podcast App".   
oh!  ha.  That was simple.

I've been opened up to a whole new world of educational entertainment.   I listen to some dark historical stuff, some minimalism stuff, some comedians, and some faith based folks.   I know there's a ton of material out there and I'm very slowly identifying podcasts that fit my interests.  I have enjoyed listening to people way smarter than me, who have researched well, explain all of the things.
(any suggestions?)

The other day I was listening to some chick interview Andrew Peterson.  
 Andrew was talking about how he went through a period of depression several years ago.  He described how he would often sit and cry for no apparent reason.  His wife would come to him, hold his head in her hands, tell him to look at her... and she would say to him, "Something good is coming".   He said that was such an important reminder.   
And that phrase has stuck with me the past few days.

"Something good is coming."

I'm currently IN the "good" and I don't want to take a moment for granted!   
However, I can easily remember my own dark moments of the past.  I remember how long those nights were after Thayer died.  How dark my future felt.  I know people probably suggested that I go on some type of medication to make the loss bearable, but I wanted to experience the feelings, the emotions, and see how Jesus met me there in the depths.  I think it's important to be able to feel those dark moments and to be reminded that "something good is coming".

God always provides a way. 

In my case, my "good" came from my community of friends and family.  My "good" came from God continually providing for my needs- mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually.   

I can't say enough about how God has consistently surrounded me with the right people at the right time. 
Granted, I have had to often seek out - or create - my own "community" in many seasons of my life.  I had to put myself out there, send the texts, make the calls (ack!),  attend the groups, plan the activities, invite others IN.... but in every instance God surrounded me with the right people: My life-long friends as well as those who have come and gone.   

It's a precious thing to think back and remember all of the people who have brought the good.   
Even more precious to thank God for his provisions.    
God always provides a way- just look for it.

Something good is coming.

1st visual

Andrew Peterson has written the soundtrack of my life.   I have often thought that God uses Andrew as a direct line to my heart.   His music has followed me through marriage,babies, kids, moving, job transitions, road trips, financial and marital strains, road trips, death, and life transitions.    

Thayer introduced me to Andrew Peterson's music back in 2000.   Thayer ran sound for Andrew during a show at our church.   I didn't go to the concert, (I think I was home with a new baby) but Thayer brought home a CD.... and I was hooked.

As I was recalling the impact of Andrew's music on my life, I realized that Andrew's music has also been the background music for my boys.   They know the music.  I catch them singing along at times.   They have absorbed many of the songs subliminally while they slept on road trips.   They know about Andrew Peterson.

They are aware that Andrew came to sing at Thayer's memorial service.  Both boys were so young and they probably don't recall the details, or realize how gracious Andrew was to be a part of the service.

Despite the fact that they know about Andrew Peterson, I recently realized that they have never seen Andrew in concert!  

I took my boys to their first Andrew Peterson concert tonight.  (with special thanks to my friends John and Lois!)
Andrew and Jason Gray joined forces for this particular tour.   

The venue was our old church in Charlottesville.   It was nice to go back and recognize many familiar faces.
As I surveyed the room, I recalled the countless hours that Thayer worked while the church was being built.  He helped set up the sound system.   I could see his handiwork throughout the room.
Then I considered it odd how Thayer ran sound for Andrew Peterson back in 2000....
and now in 2013, Andrew was plugged in to the sound system that Thayer helped to design and construct.
(Just an interesting thought.)


Andrew Peterson (left) and Jason Gray (right)  Photo by Lois :)

Even more interesting.... when Andrew and Jason came on stage... Lucas leaned over and said "Which one is he?" 
WHAT?!   How could MY child not know who Andrew Peterson is?  Has he lived in a box his entire life?

Silly me.   Lucas has heard Andrew his entire life... but does not remember seeing him!    I was a bit amused... and even more determined to take my kids to more shows!

The concert was refreshing.   The boys bought a few CDs and a t-shirt.   And my bro-in-law snapped a great pic of Lucas and my niece with Jason Gray!
I'm looking forward to taking my kids out on the town more often :)

thinning

I read.  Occassionally.  So to say that I've been absorbing a book for the last month is a big deal.  I was instructed to read The Yearling written by Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings.   Well... not personally instructed... but for the past few years, Andrew Peterson has been pushing this book....and even refers to it on his new album.   And you guys know that if Andrew Peterson suggests something, or sings about something... it must be examined.

Anywho.  I picked up the book at the library and was a bit intimidated by the 509 pages, and the words 'complete and unabridged text'.
(The last time I read 500 pages was with the Twilight series!  And I wasn't sure that a boy and a deer could keep my attention as well as blood thirsty vampires.)

Turns out that the book was fascinating.  It was a very easy read and I was easily transported into the story of poor country folk in Florida.   All in all a good read.
But be aware... I read the last sentence, closed the book and said outloud, "wow. That was depressing."

Without giving spoilers, I must say that I was drawn in to several scenes.   One particular passage caught my attention and has stayed with me over the past few weeks.  She writes:

He listened gravely, nodding his head from time to time.  He was a small staunch rock against which their grief might beat.  When they finished and fell quiet, he talked of his own losses.  It was a reiminder that no man was spared.  What all had borne, each could bear.  He shared their sorrow, and they became a part of his, and the sharing spread their grief a little, by thinning it.

I love the thought of 'thinning' grief.  By knowing that others can relate, that they share your sorrow.   I have said it many times before that I have been very blessed in knowing my 'widow friends'.  Several us have been counting the years together and it has been interesting to see how each of us have moved through the muck.
I've shared several conversations this week that remind me how richly blessed my journey has been while being surrounded by these ladies.    Our sharing has spread my grief a little... by thinning it... and I am thankful.

Andrew Peterson

Many of you know how much I appreciate the lyrical genius of Andrew Peterson.    I respect him as an artist and I super respect him as an individual.  Many of you know that he came and sang at Thayer's memorial service... and that gesture alone put Andrew on my favorite person list. 

For the past few months, or maybe longer, I have been on a hiatus from AP's music.  I've shuffled from the "christian" radio, to the "80s, 90s and today" radio, and briefly to the "Top 40" radio... until I realized that the Top 40 stuff just made me feel dumber and emptier.    These popular songs are real catchy but the lyrics are lame.     Most of those songs have the same few lines that they repeat over and over.

The music itself is what sells the song... I get that.  And there are plenty of catchy tunes that I like.   Don't get me wrong... i'm not trashing various types of music... i'm just trashing lame lyrics.

I've realized- through my musical wanderings- that I am totally a lyric person.  I don't need flashy, crazy music to 'get down' in my car.    I just want to know what I'm singing about.

This brings me back to my fascination with Andrew Peterson's music.    The thing is... you either really like his music... or you really don't.    
(AP's music puts my sister to sleep... and my kids often request Andrew Peterson CDs, on car trips when they want to take a nap. )
I think AP is classified as a 'folk' artist..... so that automatically puts him in a box of 'mellow'.   I wouldn't necessarily call him 'folk'... but I guess he fits there. 
Either way... I love Andrew Peterson's music.   Everything about it.  But most importantly the lyrics.

I have tried to picture God calling down...through whisper, or scream, or whatever means... and putting the lyrics into Andrew's heart and pen.   So many of his lyrics are God breathed... in fact, I believe that all music is God breathed... but I think that Andrew must have a more direct line than others.  :)
Andrew has recorded a zillion albums, all of which I could listen to over and over, and never be bored.    All of his songs, in some way or another mirror the cries of my heart.  I can sing these songs and be able to express myself to God, through the lyrics.    So often APs songs have given me the words that I am unable to muster on my own.    Andrew Peterson, unknowingly, has been with me through raising young children, through marital problems, through working, through traveling, through Thayer's death, and currently as I try to keep this little family afloat.   God uses AP's songs to speak to me directly... and allow me to commune with Him on a deeper level.

I am so thankful for music, for lyrics, and for the Creator who uses regular old people to impact other people in  BIG ways.
If you haven't experienced Andrew Peterson yet....  He is currently working on a new record.  (so excited!)  
And did I mention that he is an author as well?!     Please check him out at:
www.Andrew-Peterson.com  or on facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/#!/andrewpetersonmusic

Psalm 46:10

I'm blogging because I see that all of the cool kids are doing it today.  I thought I'd jump on board.   (I love my blogging buddies!)

The funniest thing happened after Thanksgiving.  My calendar became empty.
It was amazing.  There was no 'event' on the horizon.  Nothing to prepare for, nothing to 'do'.   I keep telling myself that I will come home from work and relax, or nap, or walk.   But somehow, when I'm home, I tend to pace around, piddle around, check computer stuff and do housework.  And then when I think to sit and relax, it's time for bed.  It kinda sucks that I don't know how to 'do nothing'.

I am actively trying to keep my calendar free this month.  Atleast trying to.   I've added a few things this week, and there are tentative ideas on certain days....but nothing that I have committed to.   And the non-commitment is lovely. 
I'm turning down several 'cookie exchanges'... because quite frankly... who cares about cookies?

The largest hole on my calendar is on December 15th.  It is the night that I am intentionally NOT going to the annual Behold the Lamb of God Concert.  I didn't want to commit to the trip... and this is huge for me.  Any other year, I would have moved through hell and high water to get to this show.  
And I remember the year when we didn't have tickets... but went anyway... with high hopes to sneak in the back door.     This concert has been a staple to my Decembers since Thayer's death.  And this year, I'm not going.  It's with  heavy heart that I wrote, in black ink, on my December 15 calendar square:  "DO NOTHING NIGHT".  I plan to make a point to be still that night.  To pray, to listen for God. 
You know, the kind of stuff I should be doing every day.

Today, I started reading Behold the Lamb of God: An Advent Narrative by Russ Ramsey.  (Yes, you can blame most of my book choices on Andrew Peterson...  I highly recommend everything that he recommends)  :)
Anywho.  I have high hopes for this book as I approach Jesus' birthday.  Not simply for the birthday celebration... but for my own journey...learning to be still in God's presence.

busyness

I just enjoyed a little friend therapy with sabrina this afternoon.  It's always so good to sit down with a good friend and just talk.    We talk about our busyness and our tired-ness and our slight sense of depression-ness.  (yeah, I just wanted to make up a few words there)  ;)

Seems like I enjoy running myself ragged.  I have planned alot of fun things for the fall.  I seem to run from one activity to the next.  And in the brief moments of nothing, I tend to pace around and wonder what I should be doing, or what I have forgotten.
It seems like I have forgotten how to be still.     I have forgotten to pick up my Bible and get lost in random scripture.  I have forgotten to just 'be'.    
I think that I occupy myself to get my mind off of the always hovering loneliness that drops in when I'm not surrounded by people.   And even in that, I can often find myself lonely in a crowd.

I want to start making decisions that follow my favorite saying of 'less is best'.   In that, I hope I can re-train myself to sit at home in my pjs, once in a while.

I made the decision to skip out on my yearly trek to see Andrew Peterson in December.   This is huge for me, because I ALWAYS jump on the chance for a road trip.  I was wondering if I am depressed... or if I'm actually gonna carve out some time to spend at home.
I think I might schedule a pj day instead.  
I should probably go write that on my calendar....

Slugs and Bugs and Camels

A Slugs and Bugs Christmas.
I LOVE this CD!

I pre-ordered two copies specifically to give as gifts. (And I've ordered a copy for us as well). We received the 'gift' copies yesterday and I couldn't resist claiming one as my own.
I wasn't sure if my 8 and 10 year old would be interested (because several years have past since they first enjoyed the original Slugs and Bugs)... but they were totally captivated with this new release!
I am so excited!
No other Christmas CD can transiton so easily from traditional Christmas carols to complete and utter nonsense!
'It came upon a Midnight Clear' is so naturally followed by a Hot Dog Promo and a song about cooking mice.
I'm just all smiles from ear to ear!
I'm especially excited about 'The Camel Song'...which everybody loves... and 'Jesus Loves Me' with amazing new lyrics.
Randall Goodgame does an amazing job at pointing children straight to the heart of Jesus. And for that I am thankful.

But, I am also thankful for the genius of the the track arrangement! The first half of the CD is upbeat, dance worthy and exciting. And as the album progresses it becomes more mellow... until the kids are asleep on the couch. SERIOUSLY! Tonight, Lucas was initially doing some form of the river dance. He was INTO it. But by track 13 he was nestled on the couch with me... and Daniel put himself to bed! By the end of the 'Camel Song Conversation' Lucas was asleep!
A MAZ ING.
A wonderful arrangement of wonderful songs. wonderful artists. wonderful musicians.
Oh. Did I mention that Andrew Peterson is involved as well? And his kids? ;)

nice.

You must buy this CD for your kids! (unless your kid is named Tanner or John Austin... cause they are the lucky giftees) ;)

warming up

I'm warming up to the idea of Christmas. I'm still not too happy about it, but I'm in the acceptance stage, i think.
I've even listened to a few Christmas songs. But I draw the line at "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas". That song is just... terribly sad.

I enjoyed the Andrew Peterson, Behold the Lamb of God, concert on Friday. That's always a great way to kick off the Christmas season. Being reminded of Jesus is important these days... in the midst of all of the commercialism. It was refreshing.

The first snowfall of the year appeared on Saturday, along with the city Christmas parade. We participated in the parade with D's drum and flag team. I think it was supposed to be a fun event. The jury is still out. Our group was number 60 in the procession. We arrived at 6pm to line up and didn't move in line until 7:20ish, i think. Standing out in the falling snow, and watching kids cry about their frozen fingers and toes. Not too high on the fun factor.
But once we got moving, everything was okay. :)

I'm hoping that's how Christmas will be this year. We're all prepared at our house, and waiting... and I'm hoping that once it gets going, we'll be okay.

I'm most excited about the break from school and work. only a few more weeks!

tonight

thinking and praying specifically for three friends. you know who you are... so make sure you watch this...
not sure if it's you? watch it and let me know ;)



lovin' andrew peterson :-)

road trip

We just returned from visiting my brother-in-law, his kids, and his in-laws.
It was a quick weekend trip. Too quick, I think.

I had mixed feelings about going. I was super excited to see Thayer's brother and my nephews and niece... but the excitement is always tinged with the obvious absence of Thayer.

The ride up was tense, as I realized that I had never maneuvered the DC beltway on my own. Thayer had always driven on our previous trips.

I imagined, as I always do, that I would break down and cry as soon as I saw my brother-in-law. I got teary in the car thinking about our mutual loss.
But, like usual, I didn't cry upon arrival. I was just so happy to be there.
We had one full day with the family. And I realized that it wasn't enough. I wished I could have settled in more. Maybe even had some lengthier conversations about Thayer. I should have taken advantage of the fact that this was the one guy who wouldn't mind talking about Thayer, alot.
But time was short.
Maybe next time.

As we headed home today I cranked up my new Andrew Peterson CD and the kids SLEPT for HOURS!! It was amazing.
I always enjoy telling the story of my kids when they were younger: They used to BEG me to play Andrew Peterson music in the car. They would say "Please play Andrew Peterson so we can sleep!"
By golly... it worked today! I didn't DARE think about changing the music selection. I must have listened thru that album about 5-6 times. I love it. And since it works as a sleeping aid for children... I recommend it to everyone! :)

Currently getting settled back in at home. Washing clothes and debating about catching up on my email in-box. I've been backed up for weeks....
so if you're waiting for a reply.... it'll come. at some point. please be patient with me.
;)

love love love andrew

Andrew's latest album, Counting Stars, releases on July 27th!!
Click here to pre-order! you won't regret it!



(click on the video to go to YouTube... for the full size version. not too sure why my blog won't fit it all)

ahhhhh.....