in the Zone

My kids have another weekend at Comfort Zone Camp under their belt.  I think this was camp number four.   Each year, while we are driving home from the weekend, or unpacking the car, the kids will say "when can we sign up for next year?"  They are READY to go back.

This past year, Lucas must have asked me two or three times each month about how many more months, or weeks, until camp.   He waited all year to go back to his favorite camp location that has a lake, so that he could canoe and kayak.  For the last few weeks that was all that he could talk about.   
I dropped the boys off at camp on Thursday afternoon and they were thrilled to see that the lake had a big pillow trampoline thing in it.  They were SO excited.

I left them with their excitement and went to visit some friends for the weekend.  (yay me!)
On Saturday morning I woke up to RAIN.  ALL day RAIN.   I prayed that the boys would have been able to hit the lake on Friday.... but nope.   They didn't hit the lake at all.  Saturday was supposed to be the lake day.... and it RAINED.   Both boys were bummed out about that when I picked them up.
Lucas was quick to note that he would have to wait another YEAR!  
If anything, this weekend reinforced how life is full of unexpected disappointments.

But overall, it seemed like they had a great weekend. 
(Except for Lucas saying "that was the worst weekend ever because we didn't get to go to the lake".)    hah.

Each year, the Comfort Zone staff matches each camper (little buddy) with an adult (big buddy).   And each year, my boys have been matched really well with their big buddy.   I could go on and on about how thankful I am for the many volunteers who make these camps happen.  Each big buddy donates their time.... their entire weekend.... to hang out with some strange kid.     As a parent, I consider this a huge blessing.  
This year Lucas has announced that he was paired with the "Best Big ever." 
The reason??  Simply because his big buddy didn't go and hang out with other people.  Lucas noted that his big buddy stayed with him the entire weekend.   And he was glad to have that personal attention.

I was tickled when Lucas mentioned this because his big buddy indicated that Lucas kept wandering off.
 haha
It's interesting how the two perceived the weekend.

Upon checking them out, Daniel went on and on and on about the amazing "Zone Games" that occurred on Friday.
He says that "it was like a field day x 20".   
He went into details about all of the teams, the festiveness and the games. Both boys really enjoyed the Zone Games and were able to tell me about the games in which they were competitors.

As for grief work...
Turns out that neither of my boys shared their stories or talked about their Dad this weekend.  In the past, they have shared a bit more... but this year, they both said that they didn't really have anything to talk about.   
So... we may wonder, "why send them to a camp for grieving kids if they don't even want to talk about their Dad?"
I say that it's because I want them to be a part of a community who 'gets it'. 
I want them to hear other stories that they can relate to, atleast in some small way. 
I want them to notice what grief looks like at different ages and stages throughout their pre-teen and teenage years.   
The counselors say that grief looks different to kids at different ages. 
I want my boys to be able to internalize some of that and realize that they will struggle with different aspects of their Dad's absence through the many milestones that lie ahead. 
I know that these camps are good for them.  :-)

Both boys have declared that they would like to be Big Buddies down the road.    Who knows what the future may hold for them or how they will be able to help children, just like them, in the future?
My heart swells.

Can't wait till next year.

breakfast

This past week we were fortunate to have breakfast connoisseurs stay at our house.   
Being the great chef that I am, they were able to fix themselves cereal most days.... and I rocked out some Eggo waffles one day to show them that I can work a toaster.  

On their last day in town (and the death anniversary), Norbert had planned that we would go out to eat for breakfast.     (He pronounced himself to be a breakfast snob).... so I felt the need to ask my Facebook friends to recommend their local favorite.  
Several people mentioned chain restaurants... but apparently breakfast connoisseurs like to eat local.   And honestly, there aren't many home grown type places.   
One third of those surveyed recommended the Market at Main. 
Somehow the Koffee Kup also was up for debate via the connoisseur himself.   
Market at Main was the pick, I think simply because we heard that the Koffee Kup only takes cash.  (can someone confirm this, please?)

So... we 'get downtown' and hit the Market at Main.

Here is the official review from the connoisseurs, and my family too......

First impression upon entering the restaurant:
 "Hmm.  This place is nice and rustic.  I like the ambiance."

While waiting a bit longer than expected for the food to arrive:
"Good things come to those who wait.......... I guess."

Impression of the food itself:

Kids say--
D:  "Best bacon egg and cheese biscuit, ever."
L:  "Second best pancakes I've ever had."   (and what's the first?)  "McDonalds".
V:  "Best pancakes ever."

adults say--
Y: "very delicious"
B: "Corn cakes were delicious."
J:  Biscuits and gravy tasted like... biscuits and gravy.
N: "Good breakfast.  Not over the top, but a good breakfast."

So there you have it.  I agree, it was not over the top, but it was breakfast that I didn't have to cook!

 Any other suggestions for their next visit to town??

4 years

Today is the anniversary of Thayer's death.  Four years ago, on the evening of August 16th, our lives changed forever.  
This year, as with the previous years  I was bound and determined to avoid sitting at home and reliving that day in my mind.
Turns out that the memories are unavoidable.  My mind and body started to ache much earlier this week, in anticipation.   

The good news is that Thayer's best friend was in town with his entire family and we were privileged to give them a place to sleep and some running water for several days this week.  It was lovely to catch up with them, and I enjoyed sharing little remembrances of Thayer with people who knew him well.  I'm looking forward to seeing more of their fun family now that their two oldest boys are attending school in town.
 
Today, after a yummy breakfast out with our friends, the boys and I headed to the lake to meet some of my family.    I had planned for a day at the lake as this year's distraction of the day.  It was a beautiful day and we enjoyed the sun and water.   My Dad brought along balloons that my boys, and my niece and nephew, released in honor of Thayer.   
All in all, a great day. 

I was thankful for various friends and family who acknowledged this day and made a phone call, sent messages, and snail mail.   The sentiments are very much welcomed and I appreciate the thoughtfulness.    We are fortunate to have support and people to share in our milestones.
 

In all honesty,  I don't forsee that I will stay up late and wallow in grief of bad memories.    I have little flashbacks of that evening and get knots in my stomach when I remember having to make 'that phone call' to family and friends.   
But for now, I will choose to tuck them away for another day simply because I. am. beat.

goodnight.

the art of distraction

A few days ago I went on a tirade about our house.  I got the feeling that we were living in squalor and I wanted my kids to know of my disgust.   I insisted that they clean their rooms  (enough that they could walk and vacuum a decent amount of floor).  I was ranting and raving and purging things from my room.  
Until one of the boys says, "Mom, you're only acting this way because you have been watching that show!"

Aha!  He was right.  I had been watching WAY too many episodes of Animal Hoarding on Netflix.    Night after night I was watching episodes that documented the lives of people who have lived through trauma, loss and death.   Over time their situations led to an addiction to own, save, control and hoard animals.     It was disturbing and sad to watch.    
And in the back of my head, I keep thinking, "Lord, don't let this happen to me!"

I do not want to own any more cats.  And I'd be happy to get rid of everything in my house... so I think I'm safe for now.

After realizing that I had become too involved, emotionally, in that disturbing show....
And I really need to take my mind off of the sadness in our community....

I've decided to try something NEW this week!!

I'm going to read a book!  It's been ages since I've read.   I seem to go through spurts.
I picked up a book from the library.    
 I've realized that all of the names and places are based in India.(I think)  And it seems to be on a much higher reading level than I'm used to.   
I feel like a moron.  I've read and read and read... and I'm on page 48.     The jury is still out on if I even understand what I'm reading!!
I suppose I should stick with titles such as Skippyjon Jones.
I'm hoping I can get my mind sharp in time for preschool to start in a few weeks...