challenge

I was recently challenged to do the Ice Bucket Challenge for ALS Association.   And I've decided to refrain from the obligatory soaking of ice water.
But I am all about donating!
I decided to pretend that I did the bucket dumping and I DID donate $10 for ALS research.   And I challenge you to do the same.

***Click here to donate to the ALS Association!***

And since I didn't actually complete the challenge I decided to donate $100 as well.   BUT I decided to donate to two charities that are on my heart this month.

Some folks would say to donate quietly and move along.   But I've read several convicting blogs that encourage people to donate and make a big fuss about it... in order to encourage others.

So I'll go ahead and make a big fuss about it.

My kids are fresh home from a weekend at Comfort Zone Camp.   This camp experience has been amazing for my boys.   They have attended five camps over the past six years.    And each year they are anxious to get back  (Well... Daniel needed some prodding this year... but he came home ready to sign up for next year!)
Comfort Zone Camp has provided a safe place for my boys to simply be themselves among other people who 'get it'.   It's a great place to connect with other kids and talk about life and loss.
I can't say enough about this organization.    Just know that CZC is great.    And it's FREE to participants!!  I challenge you to make camp possible for more kids like mine.

***Click here to donate to Comfort Zone Camp!***

I also figured that this post would be a great way to kick off my fundraising efforts for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.
On October 25th, I will be participating in the  "Out of the Darkness Community Walk" in Roanoke.
This walk raises awareness of depression and suicide, as well as comforts those who have lost a loved one to suicide.    I am raising money to help support the AFSP raise money for research and education programs to prevent suicide and save lives.
I challenge you to donate to the AFSP, and help me reach (or surpass) the goal I have set for the walk.

Click here to donate to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention through my fundraising page!

So.  There you have it.
No wet t-shirts and no mess.  But...Donations are made.
And you'll probably be hearing more over the next few months while I give big pushes for these organizations.
:)

the tree

A few days ago, 75 days before Halloween, Lucas decided that it was time to decorate.

I'm not quite sure how it happened.   I may have mentioned something about it in the car.   He was looking for something to do and I may have said something about the Halloween tree.

Perhaps he was inspired by last year's early phone call from Sabrina who prompted him to do the same thing.

I dunno.
But for whatever reason he set up the black tree and decorated it.   He disappeared into the basement, returning every few minutes with more Halloween decor.   He distributed pumpkins around the house and hung Halloween wreaths on the doors.

75 days before Halloween.

Lucas is awesome.    I love his creativity.
And our house feels festive.

When you approach our house at night the lights from the tree are ablaze like Christmas.

I like to keep our neighbors guessing.

With the great anticipation of the ever slowly approaching holiday the cats have joined in on the fun.  I have watched them as they have attempted to claim the tree as their own.    The two of them have nuzzled the branches, stretched up the trunk, and circled up underneath.  
So it was no surprise to me when the tree tumbled to the floor.   And by the time I entered the room.... it was void of cats.
Sneaky bastards.

The tree fail happened tonight at 10:30pm as Daniel and I were scrambling to get ready for bed.
Daniel and I attempted to place the tree upright again, but after struggling for several minutes we realized that the stand was broken!  We bickered back and forth until I decided to retrieve our Christmas tree stand and resolve the problem.
As I type, the tree is back in action.   And I hope that it can survive another 71 days.

Let the countdown to Halloween begin.....

six years

Today marks the sixth year anniversary of Thayer's death.

 I really don't have anything profound to share today.    Our day went as planned.  The boys and I immersed ourselves in mindless television, a friend came to visit, the guitar guy came, and we attended the church cookout.

I think that sad anniversaries are only what you make of them.

This year I decided not to make it a big deal.   Even though, inside, I was struggling.   Every year the anticipation of certain days brings on an emotional and physical reaction.   I know that I just have to get through the day and then life continues as usual.  (kinda like meeting with my financial advisor)  haha ;)
 
No big deal in the grand scheme of things.

 It's not that the time has healed my grief.   Time just makes the grief more bearable.
 I think.  
The grief is certainly not as fresh as it was a few years ago.... but I know that whether it's been six years, or sixty, I will always remember what we had - and lost.

I haven't let my mind 'go there' today.
I have been very happy lately.   I don't want to put myself in that pit of active grief again.
Not yet.  
I haven't needed a good weepy cry.    The time between tears has grown over the years.    In fact, I can't remember the last time I that I have cried.     But I know that tears will come in time.  They usually do.

The boys are very unfazed by the talk of Thayer's death anniversary and upcoming birthday.  I have no idea what goes on in their tween/teen brains.  I don't push them.  I know that they will struggle in their own way, with missing their Dad, as they approach different milestones in life.   For now, they seem okay.   And I am thankful.

As always I am very thankful for my family and friends who have walked this grief journey with us.     God placed all the right people in our lives to help us survive these past six years.
We are truly blessed.

saturday

Tomorrow is Saturday.  Just another day.
 But that Saturday changed our lives forever.

Saturday.
 Just a day in the week.

There have been six years of Saturdays.

The first few months I dreaded Saturdays.  I would relive our last Saturday together.    I'd watch the clock at 6:10 or 6:20.  (which was it?)  And then again around 8.

I counted the days at first.  Then the weeks.  Then the months.
Now I have to count on my fingers to make sure I'm remembering the years that have past.

Six.

Six years of the calendar squares being crossed off.
 And it's back to Saturday again.

I felt it today.   As I've felt it approaching all week.
I wanted to shut down this afternoon.  Instead I took the kids to the skate park and rented a movie.

Tomorrow I will be off duty.   Please don't call.

Thankfully the cute guitar instructor will come break up our afternoon, and we have a church cookout tomorrow evening.

It'll be Saturday.  Just another day.

ugh

spoiler alert : whiny post.

 I just had a minor fit of panic.  For no particular reason.
I explained to the kids, again, for the  millionth time, that the house is a reflection of my mood.... or vice versa... I've never really figured that out.

But the real reason is that it's THAT time of year again.
The carefree summer is evaporating before my eyes.

 Reality bites.

The boys register for school on Wednesday.
Bedtimes and alarms will have to be set next week.    argh.
There are appointments and calls that I've put off all summer.
There's the yearly appoinment with my financial advisor... where there is nothing to show for how I've spent money... except a wider ass and spoiled children.

I have to wrap my mind around working at preschool again.   (someone asked me about my class yesterday... and I said "what class?)  :)

The worst part is that this transitional period is in the shadow of Thayer's death anniversary and his 'would-be' 44th birthday.

This week I'll be registering the kids, where the forms never fail to ask for parental information.
And every year.... those blank lines throw me a curve.   Do I leave it blank?  Do I write 'deceased'?  Do I give any explanation to teachers?
It sucks.

But every year I get through it.  And the boys get through it.
And in a few weeks I'll be very adamant about not throwing a Halloween party..... while I'm out shopping for prizes.

Such is the circle of a year.
My.  How time flies.