God is Awake

I have been enjoying the lack of eventfulness lately.   There has been nothing to report.  Nothing weighing heavily on my mind.  Nothing to keep me awake at night.

I've been sleeping 8+ hours at night.    And it's become a regular thing.  I have NO idea how I survived on three or four hours of sleep after Thayer died.  I remember being a zombie for a long time.... and people were pretty forgiving of that for so long.  
Even after the initial year or more of all-night cry fests,  I was still a night owl for several years... just out of habit.
Now, finally, I feel like a normal oldish person who goes to bed at semi-normal hours.
I have mastered the ability of falling asleep as soon as I hit the pillow.   I'm proud of that.

I have a gorgeous painting on my wall by Sunshine Barlowe Lewis.  It's the only piece of art that I own.... and I love it.     As I go to bed each night I can see the quote from Victor Hugo, who is one of my faves!
"Have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones. And when you have finished your daily task, Go to sleep in peace - God is awake". - Victor Hugo

I sleep well at night knowing that God's got this.  No matter how sucky my day was or how much my kids are annoying me.  God's got this.  There is nothing that I can solve or accomplish in the dark of night.
I can sleep in peace knowing that tomorrow starts a new day. 
I try to remind my kids of that every night.  Tomorrow is a new day.   A new opportunity to start fresh, behave at school (and at work), be kind to people who bug us, and have a better attitude.  A new beginning, each day.

But looking back, there were many days when I would dread waking, not wanting to get out of bed, not convinced that the new day would be an improvement to the last. 
The 'sorrows of life' were overwhelming.  

 I think about dear friends who are currently in a mess of sorrows.   I know that they are sleepless at night and their troubles are overwhelming.  
My prayer is that they too will see that tomorrow is a new day.    

I have come out of that dark of night as a witness that God does have this.   Things will get better.  You will rest again.   It's a long night.... but take courage my friends.   God is awake.

Why I love my friends...

......and what I want in a man.....  

I want a decisive man.

Thayer used to make important decisions.   He was decisive and in control of most situations.

He always knew where he wanted to eat.

Since Thayer's death, I've found that eating out can be a challenge.  Obviously not a hindrance to my weight gain, but a challenge nonetheless.

After several years of painful car arguments, I have finally learned that I do not give restaurant choices to both of my boys at the same time.   I have learned that it is best to quietly discuss an eating location with one child before the car ride begins.    And then I announce the location once we are in route.

Planning with friends isn't quite as easy.
Restaurant selection with some of my friends goes as follows:
(the following roles can easily be reversed depending on who is driving the car.)

me: alrighty!  where to?
friend:  oh, I don't know.  where do you want to go?
me: I don't care.  you're driving. 
friend: so?
me: driving makes you in charge.
friend:  I don't know!
me:  I'm fine with anything.  
friend:  me too.
me: what do you feel like eating?
friend:  How about give me three choices and I'll pick.
me: okay.  A, B, C
friend:  C sounds good.
me:  oh, I forgot that I had C yesterday.
friend: oh.  then why did you suggest that!?
me:  I had just forgotten about it until now.   But I'm fine with going again.
friend:  you are such a dork.
me: I know.
friend:   So... A or B?
me: I dunno.
friend:  A has good ____.  but B has good _____.
me: hmm... either is fine.
friend:  How about D?  We haven't been there in a while?
me:  eh, it's okay.
friend:  so you're not feeling that?
me:  It reminds me of E.
friend:  How about F?  they have good french fries and ranch.
me: sold!   Why didn't you think of that ten minutes ago?!

I love my friends.    They are really patient with me!
But think of how much energy, time, fuel, and hot air we'd save if there was a decisive man in the car?!

me: where to?
man: let's go for Mexican.
me: okay.

boring update

Today I went to work.   Then I did nothing.

Daniel stayed home sick from school today and managed to watch every 'man' show on Netflix.    

(The other night, I put a TV and the Wii in his room during a party, and the boys have been holed up in there for a few days, enjoying their own little den of television.   they are enjoying this brief interlude of my 'tvs don't belong in bedrooms' rule.)

I came home, planted myself on the living room couch and did nothing all afternoon.  
My brilliant idea of being unplugged during the day has long been thrown to the wayside.   I spent my afternoon in a flurry of checking facebook, checking email and watching episodes of "The Big Bang Theory". 

(People rave about this show.  I'm almost done with the first season....and it's improved from the pilot... but I'm really waiting for some character or plot development.   The jury is still out about whether I'll be a huge fan.)

anywho.  back to the couch.   
I felt uneasy not doing anything.    I wondered what I should be doing, but then I took a nap for an hour.   When I woke, both of my hands had fallen asleep.   
I didn't realize that idle hands could lose blood so quickly.

Lucas came home and retreated to the TV hole.  The boys started watching countless hours of cartoons and i realized that the sun had set.   I peeled myself out from under the blanket and threw together some little pizzas for dinner.   We had our family dinner- at the table- and we all wondered if there was something that we were supposed to be doing this evening.
So many wasted hours... it has been baffling.

This kind of day is really rare around here.  I'm usually going, or doing, or piddling around with something.   
Today was refreshing.... and I keep telling myself that it's okay to have days like these. 
We all enjoyed being lazy today.
I guess it's back to reality tomorrow.

the buffet

It was unsettling.

Lucas convinced us to go to the Golden Corral buffet.  I knew better.  
We went because Daniel had not been since he was in an infant carrier.  

Outside it was cold and snowing. 
Inside it was much like the street of your average amusement park.  Hundreds of people (literally) bustling about shoulder to shoulder.      The overhead music mimicked that of a theme park as well.  The only things missing were the giant mascots and the water misters.
The staff was frantically showing people to their seats and talking to each other through microphones and earpieces.   (They reminded me of the backstage staff at a rock concert.)

The buffet bar was full of overflowing tubs of food.  People crowded around and waited their turns to fill their plates.   
I remember that Thayer and his friend liked to call buffets "hog feeding troughs". 
Indeed.

In front of the overflowing large tub of mashed potatoes, one woman bravely spoke to her friend, "I'm just not a buffet person.  It's for some people, but not for me."
I wanted to lean in and agree with her but the crowd parted us as people pushed in toward the
fried seafood.

I'm totally not a buffet person. 
Sure.  I love food.   And I'm guilty of eating too much at times.   But the excess at that buffet was very unsettling to me.   It was a big fat reminder of how gluttonous our society is. 
Heaping plates of food. 
Servers clearing the tables with heaping plates of untouched food- to be trashed.
I looked over at Lucas towards the end of our meal and he had chocolate dripping from his chin.  He had just gorged himself on chocolate dipped treats and he was topping it off with cotton candy.    yuk!

My entire meal, I kept thinking of beautiful faces like this...

I was reminded of the kids that I met in Uganda who walked around chewing on sugar cane.
I was transported back two years, remembering how my worldview had been dramatically changed after that trip.  
It's unsettling how easily I settled back into my American habits... but I don't want to forget these faces!

The team from Mission Link is in route to Uganda as I type.  I SO want to be with them.  And hopefully in a few years I'll be toting my kids along with me.
In the meantime, please join with me this week as I pray for the Mission Link medical team that will be caring for these people physically and spiritually.  The bandages might be temporary, but I pray that many seeds will be planted for the future.