14 years

Here we go.... my yearly update and thoughts about Thayer's death anniversary.   Yesterday marked 14 years.  I was ready to blog, I was ready to do some computer projects, I was ready to do something.... but I couldn't.  My attention span was short yesterday.  I couldn't really get myself to do anything.   I have always thought that my body knows when these dates are here.  

Today I made myself have an official "lunch break" and watch a movie before I started with my to-do list.   I managed to watch an entire movie about a cat that becomes a guy, and then goes back to being a cat.  It was just as bizarre and weird as it sounds.   But I actually sat through it.   Most movies I set out to watch take me 3 or more hours to finish because I get highly distracted by piddling around the house or tending to chores.   This one... I watched through in one sitting.  Not sure if that's a good- or bad-sign of my mental health.

As of now, I've caught up on some computer chores and I'm sitting to think about what I should have written yesterday.

The entire life and death thing has become rather ordinary since I've worked at the funeral home.  Death is never wanted.... but I've learned to accept it.   I learned a lot about death when Thayer died; and as I age, it's even more "expected" (if that's the right word).   
We're all on borrowed time.  

What matters is how we spend that time.

Thayer's time was short, but no doubt he spent his time well.   I will always admire him for the time he invested in family and friends, the time he spent helping others, and the hard work he put in, daily, to better himself and those around him.

This all makes me consider how I'm spending my own time.

I recently decided to try to cut back my screen time on my phone.  My goal is 30 minutes/day.   However I'm still averaging just under 2 hours.    Certainly a work in progress. 
I did some math and realized that spending 2 hours a day looking at a screen equals THIRTY (30) DAYS of a year.  If we do the math with waking hours.... it's over FORTY-FIVE DAYS!   Holy cow.... an entire MONTH, or more, of a YEAR completely evaporated.  
This has been a wake up call for me.   

(Granted.... watching a movie about a cat-guy isn't the best alternative) 

I hope to be more intentional with my time so that one day someone will say..... "she lived her life well".   

Proverbs 27:1 Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring.

Today is our day.   Make the most of it.

always good

This week, I have sat with my dear friend who was thrown into turmoil with the sudden death of her Mama and the tumultuous hospitalization of her Daddy.  The crisis continues.... with really no resolution on hand.  There are so many questions about the days, weeks, months to come.   

As a friend, my heart breaks for her, and I don't know what to do other than be available.  It's been an emotional week....
for lots of people.

So I keep telling myself God is always good.   Even in the midst of turmoil and loss.... God is there.  He sees us.  He hears us.  He grieves with us.   It's so hard to see from the pit...  but God's plan is bigger than all of this mess.   So much of life is waiting.  And trusting.

Music is always what seems to point me in the correct mindset when trials come.  I believe that God speaks to us through music. 
Imagine my "got it" moment when the first song on my Pandora app the other day was "Always Good" by Andrew Peterson.   

God, thanks for this.  You're always good.