to grandmother's house we go

Road trips are good for my soul. 
After a very challenging week, the boys and I hit the road for over five hours, in anticipation of celebrating the boys' great-grandmother's 90th birthday. 

The drive was marvelous.   I took the easy road and brought along red box movies and audio books.  The boys watched movies the majority of the time and I basked in the silence of the front seat.    I sang to myself, thought, prayed.   I even managed to day dream about making a cross country drive and I started mentally planning a trip to Africa for 2017. 

After settling in at our destination, Granny and I reminisced about what she called "the good old days".... meaning to me...back when both of our husbands were living.
Thayer and I would bring the kids over to dinner once a week or so.  I reminded her about her homemade bread and their generous garden.   
She was tickled when I reminded her that our 'coffee table' is the chest that her husband built to ship their belongs via train... long ago.

90 years.  What a lifetime.  What a story.

The celebration took place on Sunday.  And the most fascinating observation that I made.... was how grown up Daniel became this weekend!!
He was greeting folks at the door and mingling with the crowd!  I stood back in awe of his social charm.    I even caught him arranging cups as people were getting ready to serve drinks!   I was so proud of his demeanor!!

Both boys were kind to their Granny and were happy to give her hugs.

 

I was super proud that Lucas gave hugs, took pictures and even wore a collared shirt for the occasion. (with some extra insistence that he leave it on for the duration of the party).
He had a really nice weekend!

Overall.... a very refreshing weekend!  I think that we desperately needed this little get-away.
Road trips are good for my soul.

head underwater

My motivation is draining.   Not that I had much to begin with... but I've had several rough moments with Lucas lately and I'm simply tempted to pack my bags and leave.    I'm at a loss at how to restore order to a home that has been run inconsistently for such a long time.  And I am becoming exhausted with the characteristics that my children have developed.   Something needs to change and I need to set strict boundaries for all of us.   slowly but surely.

I've recently made it through both of the boys' birthdays.   We stayed busy with friends and parties but I still found myself feeling depressed over the past few weeks.  Birthdays are always hard for me... because Thayer should be here for remembering their births.  It's hard to think about all of the years he has not been present to celebrate with his boys.  and all the years I've been doing this alone.

I painted the boys' rooms and gave them loft beds for their birthdays. But during the process, my bedroom became the drop zone for all of the extra crap.  And as in the past... my environment is starting to drown me.   I'm waiting for the motivation to swim my way out.