39

My 39th birthday just occurred.    It was a lovely day at the lake that was prefaced with a night of camping and a close call with a raccoon.  (or perhaps a Sasquatch.  We'll never know for sure).
My boyfriend (that sounds so weird to say or write) treated me to gifts and an ice cream cake.   My family joined us for the cake at our traditional "cake and card" party.  
Prior to my actual birthday I have shared several "birthday dinners" with friends.... and the celebration will continue with a joint birthday pool party, a lunch with friends, and a trip to visit more friends!
I'd already call this week a success.
By far, the best part of birthday celebrations are the time that I get to spend with family and friends. Thanks to everyone for making me feel special.

The boyfriend gave me a devotional book that I started reading today.   Interestingly the first day is titled "Hope Does Not Disappoint".  
Indeed.  
Hope has been my theme for years.
When hope is anchored in circumstances we will be disappointed.   But when hope is based in the reality of God's love, we will not be disappointed.
I feel like I have clung to God's promises and hung tight to the hope He gives.  
Through my times in the pit and even currently... while I'm sailing high.... I still want to ground myself in God's love and continue to hope for the future.  

It's been fun thinking about the future these days.  I'm slowing starting to see a new chapter being written in my book.  
Still anxious to see what God has in store.

Here's hoping for a great year ahead!

38

I turned 38 this month.   It was a milestone for me.
For the past several years I had anticipated 38 to be a rough birthday.

Thayer died three days before his 38th birthday.

My birthday came and went.... and was actually one of the best birthday weeks I've had.

Two days before my 38th birthday I realized that I have lived longer than Thayer.  
The thought was not nearly as emotional and sad as I had anticipated.
There is a bit of pride in making it 38 years.   I somehow wonder if I'm nearly as mature as Thayer seemed to be in his last days?   Have I surpassed him in any way?


Thayer was always the one I counted on to take care of our family and make the decisions.   He always seemed knowledgeable and wise about stuff.   Mostly because he was seven years older than me and had learned a lot of life lessons.
I learned much from him.
And now I'm older.  

It's just odd.

Thayer had grown up in the midst of many trials, and yet my biggest trial was his death.   Thayer was never able to see me grow and mature through the trials of life.  

The first few years after his death, when confronted with life stuff, I could still hear his advice.... his common sense.   I knew what he would say in certain situations.  I based many of my decisions on his silent voice.
Well... that was until I was tired of having imaginary conversations with a dead husband, and would often say outloud, "Well... you're not here!"....
and I learned to be rather independent.  :)

But now... even if I search for his silent voice I rarely hear him.  I don't have a clue how he would handle teenagers, what he would do in certain situations, or what our family would be like.
How would he make decisions as a 44 year old?
Looks like it's up to me at this point.

I've always been sad that we couldn't grow old together.   And it's a bit depressing as I continue to age, and he remains the same...  Frozen in pictures and in our minds.  Always 37.

The rest of us continue to age, grow, mature.   I am very thankful for that opportunity.   I am thankful for the time with my boys, my family and friends.  
Each day is a truly a gift.  
I am hopeful that my 39th year will be the best yet!

random stuff on my mind

Lucas will be 12 years old on Thursday!  wow.
We had an early celebration tonight at a local Mexican restaurant... simply because a mariachi band was scheduled to play.
Lucas loves this particular restaurant... and we go ALL of the time.  It was extra special tonight as we shared a meal with our family and Lucas was serenaded by the band.
Cake and ice cream followed at our house.
This should totally have been a Friday.

This week, after having several groups of people back in my house, I realize how much I enjoy having company.    It often feels like I have a rotating door.    And the 'extra' chairs that we bring up from the basement never seem to make it back downstairs.   We go through spurts of time when those chairs are filled for several days.    And then they linger in the kitchen until the next people arrive.

I think I took the summer off from hosting much... because the chairs were left in the basement for quite a while.   But now they are back.
I am thrilled to be hosting our LifeGroup again this fall.    And I hope that I can revive my Sunday night crew as well.
 I look forward to getting my peeps together.  
Even though I love my summer sleep schedule, the truth is that I thrive on routine.   Our 'school' routine work for us.  As well as the regular scheduled meetings, etc.  

My preschool class is beyond amazing this year.    I have enjoyed every minute.
Ask me about my job sometime :)

I'm looking forward to the arrival of fall.   And pumpkins.  And Halloween.

goodbye summer. hello routine.

Wow.  Where have we been?!

The boys just started their third week of school!  

I went back to work last week, and my preschoolers came to their first day of Pre-K today.    It looks like lady Elaine and I have an awesome class this year!   

Rewind to Sunday August 17th.  
I received a phone call from my Brother-in-law, Thad, to say that he was IN TOWN and wanted to surprise my boys.    This was huge.    He showed up at 6:30am on Monday morning and woke them up for their first day of school!   A great surprise.

It turns out that Thad was in town for several days.    It seemed like it would be a long visit.... but it was over way too quickly.    The boys enjoyed some much needed time with their uncle.

  On  Wednesday Thad and I hiked back to the spot where we had scattered Thayer's ashes.    Great day, beautiful mountains.

That week, we also went out to eat with my family for (what would have been) Thayer's 44th birthday.   Not much pomp and circumstance this year.

At the end of the week we said our goodbyes to Thad and I delivered my kids to Comfort Zone Camp.
Daniel wasn't too keen on attending this year.... but by the time I picked them up on Sunday, both boys were ready to get signed up for next year's camp!    I am so thankful for CZC and the safe environment that they provide for kids like mine!!

While the boys were at camp, I enjoyed a great weekend catching up with my friends in Richmond.

Then.... it was back to reality for all three of us as we started back to school and work on the following Monday.

We are getting back into the routine of things.   And would you believe that my boys put themselves to bed by 9pm each night?!     And I'm not usually far behind.  
I've had some sweet dreams the last few weeks.

to grandmother's house we go

Road trips are good for my soul. 
After a very challenging week, the boys and I hit the road for over five hours, in anticipation of celebrating the boys' great-grandmother's 90th birthday. 

The drive was marvelous.   I took the easy road and brought along red box movies and audio books.  The boys watched movies the majority of the time and I basked in the silence of the front seat.    I sang to myself, thought, prayed.   I even managed to day dream about making a cross country drive and I started mentally planning a trip to Africa for 2017. 

After settling in at our destination, Granny and I reminisced about what she called "the good old days".... meaning to me...back when both of our husbands were living.
Thayer and I would bring the kids over to dinner once a week or so.  I reminded her about her homemade bread and their generous garden.   
She was tickled when I reminded her that our 'coffee table' is the chest that her husband built to ship their belongs via train... long ago.

90 years.  What a lifetime.  What a story.

The celebration took place on Sunday.  And the most fascinating observation that I made.... was how grown up Daniel became this weekend!!
He was greeting folks at the door and mingling with the crowd!  I stood back in awe of his social charm.    I even caught him arranging cups as people were getting ready to serve drinks!   I was so proud of his demeanor!!

Both boys were kind to their Granny and were happy to give her hugs.

 

I was super proud that Lucas gave hugs, took pictures and even wore a collared shirt for the occasion. (with some extra insistence that he leave it on for the duration of the party).
He had a really nice weekend!

Overall.... a very refreshing weekend!  I think that we desperately needed this little get-away.
Road trips are good for my soul.

head underwater

My motivation is draining.   Not that I had much to begin with... but I've had several rough moments with Lucas lately and I'm simply tempted to pack my bags and leave.    I'm at a loss at how to restore order to a home that has been run inconsistently for such a long time.  And I am becoming exhausted with the characteristics that my children have developed.   Something needs to change and I need to set strict boundaries for all of us.   slowly but surely.

I've recently made it through both of the boys' birthdays.   We stayed busy with friends and parties but I still found myself feeling depressed over the past few weeks.  Birthdays are always hard for me... because Thayer should be here for remembering their births.  It's hard to think about all of the years he has not been present to celebrate with his boys.  and all the years I've been doing this alone.

I painted the boys' rooms and gave them loft beds for their birthdays. But during the process, my bedroom became the drop zone for all of the extra crap.  And as in the past... my environment is starting to drown me.   I'm waiting for the motivation to swim my way out.

on being 35

Well, it's safe to say that there was no drastic change between the ages of 34 and 35.  Today started off well great as my boys served me breakfast in bed and designed a chalk birthday wish in the driveway.  

The best gift was that they came up with these ideas on their own!  
I love having capable, creative kids!

I was also surprised by visits, phone calls, cards, and fun phone messages.  Thanks to everyone who made me feel loved on my birthday :)

Another birthday gift was watching Lucas finally having his cast removed.   The past six weeks have been long weeks.  He has missed field trips, family trips and pool parties.
Yesterday was the last day of school and I am SO glad that he can start summer off with two arms that can swim.
The cast removal was much worse than I had imagined.   His arm was very sore and creepy feeling from being immobile for so long.     Fortunately after my birthday dinner, and nice soak in the tub, he was feeling better.    His next goal will be to regain some muscle and movement in his arm.

Anywho.
Summer has officially begun!     There are no vacation plans on the calendar, but I am slowly adding various day trips to the mix and I'm looking forward to visiting with some friends near and far.