38

I turned 38 this month.   It was a milestone for me.
For the past several years I had anticipated 38 to be a rough birthday.

Thayer died three days before his 38th birthday.

My birthday came and went.... and was actually one of the best birthday weeks I've had.

Two days before my 38th birthday I realized that I have lived longer than Thayer.  
The thought was not nearly as emotional and sad as I had anticipated.
There is a bit of pride in making it 38 years.   I somehow wonder if I'm nearly as mature as Thayer seemed to be in his last days?   Have I surpassed him in any way?


Thayer was always the one I counted on to take care of our family and make the decisions.   He always seemed knowledgeable and wise about stuff.   Mostly because he was seven years older than me and had learned a lot of life lessons.
I learned much from him.
And now I'm older.  

It's just odd.

Thayer had grown up in the midst of many trials, and yet my biggest trial was his death.   Thayer was never able to see me grow and mature through the trials of life.  

The first few years after his death, when confronted with life stuff, I could still hear his advice.... his common sense.   I knew what he would say in certain situations.  I based many of my decisions on his silent voice.
Well... that was until I was tired of having imaginary conversations with a dead husband, and would often say outloud, "Well... you're not here!"....
and I learned to be rather independent.  :)

But now... even if I search for his silent voice I rarely hear him.  I don't have a clue how he would handle teenagers, what he would do in certain situations, or what our family would be like.
How would he make decisions as a 44 year old?
Looks like it's up to me at this point.

I've always been sad that we couldn't grow old together.   And it's a bit depressing as I continue to age, and he remains the same...  Frozen in pictures and in our minds.  Always 37.

The rest of us continue to age, grow, mature.   I am very thankful for that opportunity.   I am thankful for the time with my boys, my family and friends.  
Each day is a truly a gift.  
I am hopeful that my 39th year will be the best yet!

friends

I have AMAZING friends.
Really.
 I know that I am fortunate.
I have a few 'groups' of friends and a few BFFs that are like family to me.
I am always so grateful that they take the time to nurture our friendship and take time to make me feel loved and accepted.
I don't get mushy, ever, but I really mean it....  I am majorly blessed with awesome, supportive, friends.

Not having a significant other can be very lonely.   But for the past, almost six, years my friends have gone out of their way to make me feel a part of something bigger than myself.

I have a couple of friends who are always shopping for my next husband.
(Thank you, Jamie, for terming that as 'shopping'.)

I will be TOTALLY thrilled when my next husband enters the storyline.
I have pretty much forgotten what it's like to have a husband around.  I long to have that helpmate, that companion.   And I'm ready and willing to welcome the right man into our family.
But.... I'm not in a huge hurry to settle.
He's gonna have to be one special dude!

I'm currently very happy with my friends and my kids.   My social life pretty much rocks.....
.... even though I think I can count my male friends on one hand.   And I can't recall the last time I had a date.  (wow.  that's depressing)  :(

BUT.... my girl friends and I have FUN!   (always!)
My kids and I have FUN!  (....sometimes.)

I have come to the conclusion that if Mr Right shows up, my friendships will probably suffer.  Friendships are usually casualties of new relationships.  I'd like to think that I could balance everyone.... but dating would surely suck up a lot of my free time, right?
My prayer is that Mr. Right will be accepted into the circles and roll with it.    
He has to be someone who is comfortable with car singing.

....
 please hold while I add that criteria to my official list 
 .....

Okay.  where was I?

yes.  My friends are great!  And I hope that God always surrounds me with these great people. Especially when I'm old.    Chances are....my married friends will become widows at some point.   I could totally use their help with all of the cats.*
 it would be great to have a roommate in the assisted living place.
We'd be able to flirt with old men and make inappropriate comments to the young men who serve our meals.

But I don't want to get ahead of myself.
I'm enjoying where I'm at now.

Thank you, God, for my friends!


*There will absolutely be NO cats.  I promise.