halloween

This is the first Halloween in....ever.... that I've been home all night to hand out candy.     Other years were broken up with some sort of activity or taking the kids out to trick-or-treat.    

I always left a bucket of candy on the porch as we ventured out.   Nothing extravagant but just enough for whoever might wander by our house.
Some years I was anal enough to write a cutsie note asking the little critters to 'only take a few... and leave some for others'.    But then I wised up to the fact that one little rascal probably came and emptied the whole bowl into his bag.
I stopped leaving the notes and figured that some dude was gonna get really lucky.

Lucas joined my nieces and nephews tonight for trick-or-treating.
Daniel decided to stay home.
I was excited!
I envisioned an evening snuggled on the couch, watching a movie with my boy, and handing out candy to cute kids.
The boy envisioned a night in the basement finishing the second season of Arrow, on Netflix, without me.

And so it was.  
I sat in the living room, binged on pizza and candy, studied Facebook, and watched episodes of The Goldbergs on my laptop.    I handed candy out to 10, TEN, kids.
Number 10 got his candy, took a step away, turned an about-face and asked, "do you have any Gobstoppers".  
I replied, "Are you seriously making requests?"  
And since I was so dumbfounded by his boldness.... I relinquished the Gobstoppers.   But only one package.
At least he said 'thank you'.

The highlight of my evening was when the neighbors  (no, not those neighbors).... a nice couple diagonally across the street from me...... stopped by with candy for the boys.

I had thought about the neighbors earlier.  How their light was on.  And my light was on.  And how dreadfully few trick-or-treaters we had.

Next year I am envisioning a new Halloween tradition.  The kind I have read about online... but never understood until now.   I'm envisioning the neighbors hanging out in the yard, or a block party, or a teenager Halloween party, or a camp fire night.     Something to bring the solitude porch lights together.    
We're all waiting for those little costumed creatures to come requesting candy  (all 10 of them)..... so why not wait together?
(I also envisioned this would be a  great night for a wedding.  go figure)

We'll see.

I have a year to decide against my pumpkin party.... perhaps it's time to morph the tradition into something new.

(we DID have the 14th annual pumpkin party yesterday.   It was a success!)

These boys always impress me with their pumpkin carving knowledge.

Daniel is SKILLED!

Lucas' MineCraft Creeper.
(a video game thing)

month of excess

People tell me that I should write a book.
I feel like I have.
Blogger tells me that I have written 783 posts.
I have many years of these posts printed and bound in hopes that one day my kids will sit and read them.... and think...."wow.  That was our mom."

It's interesting to think about what I may have written over the years.   Sometimes I think I only wait to report the shocking or 'emotional' stuff.   I have tried to include the mundane as well.   Because such is life.  The ups and downs.

Like today.    It was blah.     I'm pretty sure I'm having my equivalent of PMS this week.  I'm moody and bloated.   And I binged on Pizza and popcorn for dinner.
I have disappointed myself tonight since I've focused so much on my eating lately.   I've lost eleven pounds simply by adjusting my consumption.
But today.  I could care less.

The boys and I are currently in, what I have named, the "month of excess".   October is always my busiest month by far.    And my most expensive month.
We are settling down after several weeks of crazy excess.... only to be gearing up for our Pumpkin Party and Halloween activities to come next week.

The past few weeks have been chock-full of events and driving.  (lots of driving!)
 Daniel's birthday, a trip to Great Wolf Lodge, unexpected car fiasco, rescue visit with friends, rental car expenses, visit from Thad,  and TWO visits to Layman's Farm.

Every year I say that I'm not going to go all excessive in October.    But October is my favorite month and it's so easy to go overboard.
My kids will only be around the house for a few more years, so I justify the expense, I suppose.

I sent out the invites to our pumpkin party, that I refuse to throw every year.   Lucas made sure that the invite included the word "annual" on it......"so we have to have it next year too."

And there you have it.  October comes every year and suckers me into activity and expense.     Thankfully lots of fun along with it.

enough

I've had a week.   A great week  A fun week.  A messy week.   An angry week.  A sad week.  A lazy week.  

 I have wept over Thayer's absence.   I have shed tears for my boys.  I have lost my temper.    I have yelled.  I have made huge mistakes.   I have lectured.   I have used harsh language.  I have battled loneliness.  I have felt defeated. I have failed people I love.     I have laughed with friends.  I have walked miles.  I have sat for hours.  I have neglected my chores.   I have stood until my feet ached.  I have worked.  I have slept.  I have grumbled.    I have praised.
I have been chasing something.

I just don't know what.

After a week of disconnect and confusion.... it's interesting that God had to use a Facebook post and a movie to remind me of what I've known along.    Tonight he shouted at me and said,
 "You're enough!"
 Those exact words.   He's been whispering this over and over for the past few months.
I get it now, God.
 I'm enough.

Even though I often feel like my world is crumbly and crazy, and I just don't know what path I'm on...

I am enough.

This coming week I will cry.  I will lose my temper.  I will lecture.  I will curse.   I will be lonely.   I will make mistakes.   I will laugh.   I will walk.  I will sit.  I will work.  I will praise.

I will be enough.
Because I am loved.