aaahhhhh..... so refreshing!!!
There aren't adequate words to describe the wonderful time that I have when I visit my C-ville friends.
They are so genuine and lovely. I have decided that they are certainly my favorite community of friends.
(so... if you are a friend that I enjoy on a singular basis....don't be offended by this post.... I love you too!!) ;)
I have tried to figure out how we came to such a comfortable relationship with these men and women. And I don't think there is really a cookie cutter answer. I just figure that God placed these people our my lives... and they were willing to love us well.
I can remember looking at our group and LOVING the fact that all of the husbands seemed to actually like each other. And all of our children got along really well.
The men and women could all sit around for hours and have real conversations while the kids basically entertained themselves with only a few minor injuries.
I have been blessed to share in their joys, their excitement, their sorrows and their brokenness. I've never experienced such a "real" group of people before. And I am thankful to have shared a few years with them.
Visiting with these folks reminds me how much I miss them!
already looking forward to my next visit!!
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Saturday, March 28, 2009
things
I recently realized that I still have most of Thayer's stuff. Not really intentionally... it's just here... pushed aside... and I run into it occasionally... and it takes me by surprise.
(Of course I'm planning on keeping the important stuff for the boys to have as they get older)
At one point I was ready to sort out his clothes but then I decided to keep them until I have the quilts made for the boys. I don't want to get rid of any quilt worthy material.
His shirts are stuffed back in the closet and I catch a glimpse of them every so often. And it takes my breath away.
I had cleaned out his bathroom but I'm pretty sure that his toiletry bag is still stuffed in a drawer waiting to be sorted through.
His deodorant is still in the medicine cabinet. When I want a good cry... or when I want to remember his smell, I'll steal a sniff. (yeah, that probably sounds demented... but in a weird way...it helps me)
Other than the deodorant... I think I'm really not someone who hordes things for sentimental reasons. I really hate clutter and I know that I will be relieved when I actually get to sort through Thayer's stuff.... especially in the man pit.
I didn't have any problem taking over the dresser drawers.
And I certainly didn't have any problem with claiming the bed for myself. I officially sleep in the middle of the bed surrounded on both sides with body pillows. I don't know how the two of us ever slept in that bed!! haha.
Today I got rid of the motorcycle magazines in Thayer's bathroom basket. I replaced them with bird magazines. ;p
Now... if I can just bring myself to throw out that frozen chicken!! :-)
(Of course I'm planning on keeping the important stuff for the boys to have as they get older)
At one point I was ready to sort out his clothes but then I decided to keep them until I have the quilts made for the boys. I don't want to get rid of any quilt worthy material.
His shirts are stuffed back in the closet and I catch a glimpse of them every so often. And it takes my breath away.
I had cleaned out his bathroom but I'm pretty sure that his toiletry bag is still stuffed in a drawer waiting to be sorted through.
His deodorant is still in the medicine cabinet. When I want a good cry... or when I want to remember his smell, I'll steal a sniff. (yeah, that probably sounds demented... but in a weird way...it helps me)
Other than the deodorant... I think I'm really not someone who hordes things for sentimental reasons. I really hate clutter and I know that I will be relieved when I actually get to sort through Thayer's stuff.... especially in the man pit.
I didn't have any problem taking over the dresser drawers.
And I certainly didn't have any problem with claiming the bed for myself. I officially sleep in the middle of the bed surrounded on both sides with body pillows. I don't know how the two of us ever slept in that bed!! haha.
Today I got rid of the motorcycle magazines in Thayer's bathroom basket. I replaced them with bird magazines. ;p
Now... if I can just bring myself to throw out that frozen chicken!! :-)
Sunday, March 22, 2009
sweet progress
Tonight I spent some sweet extra time with my littlest guy. Not really by choice... but I'm glad that it happened. Again, I realize that God works in the strangest ways.
It all started when the boys were doing their usual wrestle-mania before bedtime. I was being constructive with pulling their sheets down and fluffing their pillows... while they... were beating the crap out of each other in the living room.
(they claim that it's fun... until someone gets hurt).
Lo and behold I hear a loud thump followed by hysterical crying. D calmly walks to me and says "L hurt his head". yeah, I noticed. (As if D had no part in it). ha.
After I came to the rescue the crying continued so we applied some ice to the big bump on his skull and read some books. As bedtime approached L was actually looking tired and sleepy. He could hardly hold his eyes open.
Red flag!! This kid would stay up until wee hours of the night if he was allowed!!
I immediately recalled the recent headlines about Natasha Richardson... and I certainly didn't want similar tragedy to happen upon my house.
I figured that I would keep him awake for a while to monitor him. So... we sat in the living room and chatted a while.
We had a great talk about school. About art projects, about seats on the bus, about where he sat in the lunch room. I was blessed to hear all of the little details that would normally never come out of his mouth.
I asked him if he rememberd Thayer eating lunch with him. (Thayer ate lunch with D and L every Friday, last year.) He remembered... he talked about where they sat etc.
As he was talking, I immediately started to get misty eyed and eventually let the tears fall.
L noticed I was sad... and I said how sorry I was that Daddy couldn't come to the school anymore.
At that point, I was greeted my an amazing, sweet, comforting hug from my baby. His compassionate attitude was such a welcome sight after weeks and weeks of the grumpies. It was a great moment for us. A sad moment... but a good one.
We talked about how we should try to remember as much as we can about Daddy.
Then L suggested that we should read another book. "Do you want a happy one mommy?"
Sure.
It all started when the boys were doing their usual wrestle-mania before bedtime. I was being constructive with pulling their sheets down and fluffing their pillows... while they... were beating the crap out of each other in the living room.
(they claim that it's fun... until someone gets hurt).
Lo and behold I hear a loud thump followed by hysterical crying. D calmly walks to me and says "L hurt his head". yeah, I noticed. (As if D had no part in it). ha.
After I came to the rescue the crying continued so we applied some ice to the big bump on his skull and read some books. As bedtime approached L was actually looking tired and sleepy. He could hardly hold his eyes open.
Red flag!! This kid would stay up until wee hours of the night if he was allowed!!
I immediately recalled the recent headlines about Natasha Richardson... and I certainly didn't want similar tragedy to happen upon my house.
I figured that I would keep him awake for a while to monitor him. So... we sat in the living room and chatted a while.
We had a great talk about school. About art projects, about seats on the bus, about where he sat in the lunch room. I was blessed to hear all of the little details that would normally never come out of his mouth.
I asked him if he rememberd Thayer eating lunch with him. (Thayer ate lunch with D and L every Friday, last year.) He remembered... he talked about where they sat etc.
As he was talking, I immediately started to get misty eyed and eventually let the tears fall.
L noticed I was sad... and I said how sorry I was that Daddy couldn't come to the school anymore.
At that point, I was greeted my an amazing, sweet, comforting hug from my baby. His compassionate attitude was such a welcome sight after weeks and weeks of the grumpies. It was a great moment for us. A sad moment... but a good one.
We talked about how we should try to remember as much as we can about Daddy.
Then L suggested that we should read another book. "Do you want a happy one mommy?"
Sure.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
working through my thoughts on Lazarus...
I have recently spent some reading the book of John. Yesterday I had the chance to re-read John 11:1-45 with D for a catch up on some church lessons that he has missed.
I found it very intriguing that I cried each time I read the story of Lazarus.
Thinking on it.... I have very mixed emotions about the whole thing but it all boils down to the one Truth.
First of all-
I can feel the agony from Mary and Martha's statements, " Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died." (John 11:21,32)
When I read this... I have a brief moment where I can relate. I start to think "where were you Jesus?? Where were you when Thayer needed protection??"
But then my heart reminds me that Jesus was right there with Thayer... no doubt in my mind that Jesus was there to catch Thayer and embrace him.
But this story of Lazarus goes on... Jesus raises Lazarus from the dead!
whoa.
At this point I think "Why not Thayer, Jesus!? If you can raise Lazarus... why not Thayer!? How much faith would we need to see that kind of miracle??
Luke 17:6 The Lord replied, "If you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you could say to this mulberry tree, 'Be uprooted and planted in the sea,' and it would obey you!"
John 11:40 Then Jesus said, "Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?"
Here is where I intially think.... yeah right...I've got some faith (atleast as much as a mustard seed)... and I believe... but where's that glory that you speak of?
The Truth of the matter outweighs all of my doubts and complaints:
Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?
John 11: 25-26
So... all of that to say... I need to rest in knowing the promises of Jesus. :-)
I found it very intriguing that I cried each time I read the story of Lazarus.
Thinking on it.... I have very mixed emotions about the whole thing but it all boils down to the one Truth.
First of all-
I can feel the agony from Mary and Martha's statements, " Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died." (John 11:21,32)
When I read this... I have a brief moment where I can relate. I start to think "where were you Jesus?? Where were you when Thayer needed protection??"
But then my heart reminds me that Jesus was right there with Thayer... no doubt in my mind that Jesus was there to catch Thayer and embrace him.
But this story of Lazarus goes on... Jesus raises Lazarus from the dead!
whoa.
At this point I think "Why not Thayer, Jesus!? If you can raise Lazarus... why not Thayer!? How much faith would we need to see that kind of miracle??
Luke 17:6 The Lord replied, "If you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you could say to this mulberry tree, 'Be uprooted and planted in the sea,' and it would obey you!"
John 11:40 Then Jesus said, "Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?"
Here is where I intially think.... yeah right...I've got some faith (atleast as much as a mustard seed)... and I believe... but where's that glory that you speak of?
The Truth of the matter outweighs all of my doubts and complaints:
Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?
John 11: 25-26
So... all of that to say... I need to rest in knowing the promises of Jesus. :-)
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
a meal
so... it's been 7 months and I can't recall cooking anything in my kitchen except the occasional spaghetti, tacos, breakfast dinner, or boxed mac and cheese.
In honor of St. Patrick's day, I thought I would try to be like one of those moms who actually uses the oven. And I managed to pull together a GREEN meal!!!
For the first time in 7 months, I cooked chicken.
I made chicken pockets- with green insides. I made green mashed potatoes. I heated a can of green beans (another first in 7 months). And we had store bought cookies that were left over from school parties.
The chicken looked like it was stuffed with watergate salad... but it was yummy. The mashed potatoes looked like playdough... and the kids couldn't get past the color. They insisted that it tasted like playdough too. They loved having the green milk and cookies.
Honestly, I was really proud of myself for making a meal. As many of you know... I have REALLY struggled with meals and the thought of cooking since Thayer has been gone.
And tonight, I realized why.
When it was all said and done. (from first pot out of the cabinet... to last dish washed) I had spent about two hours in the kitchen.
And about 5 minutes of that time included eating. Those kids that live here ate in a flash. And after they scurried away... it looked like there was enough left for Thayer.
I HATE leftovers.
I just find it so hard to prepare a meal that nobody cares about. I used to enjoy cooking for Thayer.
Sure... I'd complain about it once in a while but I knew that he would always eat a TON and then take the rest to work. Dinnertime meant SO much more when I knew that someone was actually interested in eating.
I have absolutely no desire to prepare meals.
I know that sounds lame... and I had no idea that Thayer's death would effect me in this way.
The voice in my head says "get a grip and be a mom"... but that is harder said than done.
Just another thing to work on as time passes.
Until then.... we'll really appreciate invites for dinner! haha.
In honor of St. Patrick's day, I thought I would try to be like one of those moms who actually uses the oven. And I managed to pull together a GREEN meal!!!
For the first time in 7 months, I cooked chicken.
I made chicken pockets- with green insides. I made green mashed potatoes. I heated a can of green beans (another first in 7 months). And we had store bought cookies that were left over from school parties.
The chicken looked like it was stuffed with watergate salad... but it was yummy. The mashed potatoes looked like playdough... and the kids couldn't get past the color. They insisted that it tasted like playdough too. They loved having the green milk and cookies.Honestly, I was really proud of myself for making a meal. As many of you know... I have REALLY struggled with meals and the thought of cooking since Thayer has been gone.
And tonight, I realized why.
When it was all said and done. (from first pot out of the cabinet... to last dish washed) I had spent about two hours in the kitchen.
And about 5 minutes of that time included eating. Those kids that live here ate in a flash. And after they scurried away... it looked like there was enough left for Thayer.
I HATE leftovers.
I just find it so hard to prepare a meal that nobody cares about. I used to enjoy cooking for Thayer.
Sure... I'd complain about it once in a while but I knew that he would always eat a TON and then take the rest to work. Dinnertime meant SO much more when I knew that someone was actually interested in eating.
I have absolutely no desire to prepare meals.
I know that sounds lame... and I had no idea that Thayer's death would effect me in this way.
The voice in my head says "get a grip and be a mom"... but that is harder said than done.
Just another thing to work on as time passes.
Until then.... we'll really appreciate invites for dinner! haha.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
on the mend
Thanks for all of the well wishes and prayers. I'm on the mend.
Atleast my back is :-)
The rest of me has a long way to go! haha.
Atleast my back is :-)
The rest of me has a long way to go! haha.
Sunday, March 08, 2009
'Out of Order"
God has again taken my plans and tossed them to the wind. I keep wondering why he pulls this random stuff.
And yet I get a little tickled when I know that He's saying... "This is just part of the process, my child."
Last night.. while attempting to discipline one of my kids... I completely threw my back out. I know it was kind of a punishment of sorts for the fact that I wasn't disciplining in love... but I was acting out in anger.
Psalm 4:4 "In your anger do not sin" came to mind as I was standing in the hallway, unable to stand straight, unable to put weight on my leg, and crying out in pain.
D immediately came to my side, obviously concerned for me. He wanted to help out. (finally... some help around here) ;)
I was at my very weakest, not only physically but emotionally too. I cried and cried, admitting to my eight year old that I just can't do this anymore. I was weak, hurt and really in pain. (I'm talking worse than childbirth!!)
He insisted that we call Papa and Grandma for help and I eventually agreed since I was in no way capable of moving.
The fact that I had to call my parents was difficult. What 31 year old has to call parents for help? I struggled with the fact that if Thayer were here.... I wouldn't be in this predicament. Our little family would not be struggling to keep afloat.
But the reality is otherwise.
I've got to say that I am SO thankful to have parents that will drop everything to come and help their baby girl :-) What a blessing to have such a super support system. I realize that I am very fortunate.
My parents got me walking a little and helped me get to bed. I had a very uncomfortable night and a painful exit from bed this morning. Today, my lovely parents have babied me and taken care of the boys. I have been stuck on the couch all day... but fortunately I am able to walk in intervals and sit upright at this point.
So... what IS God trying to teach me?
two things I am considering.... God wants me to SLOW down.
And God wants our family to mend. The possibility of family counseling was brought up last night. And I am serioulsy considering it.
I guess the first thing that needs to mend is my back...
And yet I get a little tickled when I know that He's saying... "This is just part of the process, my child."
Last night.. while attempting to discipline one of my kids... I completely threw my back out. I know it was kind of a punishment of sorts for the fact that I wasn't disciplining in love... but I was acting out in anger.
Psalm 4:4 "In your anger do not sin" came to mind as I was standing in the hallway, unable to stand straight, unable to put weight on my leg, and crying out in pain.
D immediately came to my side, obviously concerned for me. He wanted to help out. (finally... some help around here) ;)
I was at my very weakest, not only physically but emotionally too. I cried and cried, admitting to my eight year old that I just can't do this anymore. I was weak, hurt and really in pain. (I'm talking worse than childbirth!!)
He insisted that we call Papa and Grandma for help and I eventually agreed since I was in no way capable of moving.
The fact that I had to call my parents was difficult. What 31 year old has to call parents for help? I struggled with the fact that if Thayer were here.... I wouldn't be in this predicament. Our little family would not be struggling to keep afloat.
But the reality is otherwise.
I've got to say that I am SO thankful to have parents that will drop everything to come and help their baby girl :-) What a blessing to have such a super support system. I realize that I am very fortunate.
My parents got me walking a little and helped me get to bed. I had a very uncomfortable night and a painful exit from bed this morning. Today, my lovely parents have babied me and taken care of the boys. I have been stuck on the couch all day... but fortunately I am able to walk in intervals and sit upright at this point.
So... what IS God trying to teach me?
two things I am considering.... God wants me to SLOW down.
And God wants our family to mend. The possibility of family counseling was brought up last night. And I am serioulsy considering it.
I guess the first thing that needs to mend is my back...
Saturday, March 07, 2009
i'm on a roll with completely random stuff...
Alrighty. I've recently been "tagged" by some of my friends. I'm not going to follow all of the directions.... just because ;)
But I do want to acknowledge that I am flattered to have been chosen.
First:
Kelli wants to see my 6th image from my 6th picture folder on my computer....
This was taken at Thayer's memorial service. I can't even name the folks in the picture. But I'm pretty positive that they are all co-workers of Thayer. (Someone please correct me if I'm wrong...)
Secondly, Regina awarded me with the "lemonade award". Supposedly I show "attitude and/or graditude" on my blog. Thanks :-)
But I do want to acknowledge that I am flattered to have been chosen.
First:
Kelli wants to see my 6th image from my 6th picture folder on my computer....
This was taken at Thayer's memorial service. I can't even name the folks in the picture. But I'm pretty positive that they are all co-workers of Thayer. (Someone please correct me if I'm wrong...)
Secondly, Regina awarded me with the "lemonade award". Supposedly I show "attitude and/or graditude" on my blog. Thanks :-)
Happy Saturday!
Friday, March 06, 2009
Another new Fav...
I just bought a Jimmy Needham CD.
I've been hearing his songs on the radio for the past few weeks and I'm hooked.
I think his voice is intoxicating and I really like his style. Pretty groovy.
So... check him out!
I've been hearing his songs on the radio for the past few weeks and I'm hooked.
I think his voice is intoxicating and I really like his style. Pretty groovy.
So... check him out!
Thursday, March 05, 2009
distract me!!
This has turned into one of those days where I have let myself become completely overwhelmed.
I have decided to blog, as a distraction... from all of my other distractions today.
I am fully aware that I need to file my taxes this year. (Previous years, I would have already gotten back my refund by now!!) But this year I am dragging my feet just out of pure lack of concern or effort.
Since I need to get cracking.... I just spend the past hour searching the house for the 'closing statement' from the sale of our C-ville house. I was almost in tears and I was calling out for Thayer to show me where the stupid papers were.
Then... it turns out that the envelope was right where I put it (and in the very first place that I looked... but I had overlooked it.)
Just another hour dissolved. blah.
I am surrounded by piles of clothes and a million receipts that need to be written in the checkbook.
After my fluster over the paperwork, I feel too frazzled to even think about cooking a meal. Those poor kids are in the basement... assuming that I am slaving away over the stove. I can imagine their disappointment when they emerge and want dinner.
I wonder if the kids notice that I am so unstable at times.
I think it's pretty obvious to them... especially when I say, "I just can't function today". :-)
They have bought lunch at school the last two days... just because I didn't want to put the effort into making sandwiches or washing fruit. (how lame!)
I often feel like I'm such a wreck.
But I also try to allow myself time be the human that I am. I have come to the realization that the laundry may never get done and that the kids may never clean up their rooms. Such is life. (atleast my 'new' life...)
One thing at a time.
Tonight, I plan to balance the checkbook and pay some bills.
and then onto the important stuff:
The Office and Edward Cullen
Those are two distractions that I don't mind. :-)
I have decided to blog, as a distraction... from all of my other distractions today.
I am fully aware that I need to file my taxes this year. (Previous years, I would have already gotten back my refund by now!!) But this year I am dragging my feet just out of pure lack of concern or effort.
Since I need to get cracking.... I just spend the past hour searching the house for the 'closing statement' from the sale of our C-ville house. I was almost in tears and I was calling out for Thayer to show me where the stupid papers were.
Then... it turns out that the envelope was right where I put it (and in the very first place that I looked... but I had overlooked it.)
Just another hour dissolved. blah.
I am surrounded by piles of clothes and a million receipts that need to be written in the checkbook.
After my fluster over the paperwork, I feel too frazzled to even think about cooking a meal. Those poor kids are in the basement... assuming that I am slaving away over the stove. I can imagine their disappointment when they emerge and want dinner.
I wonder if the kids notice that I am so unstable at times.
I think it's pretty obvious to them... especially when I say, "I just can't function today". :-)
They have bought lunch at school the last two days... just because I didn't want to put the effort into making sandwiches or washing fruit. (how lame!)
I often feel like I'm such a wreck.
But I also try to allow myself time be the human that I am. I have come to the realization that the laundry may never get done and that the kids may never clean up their rooms. Such is life. (atleast my 'new' life...)
One thing at a time.
Tonight, I plan to balance the checkbook and pay some bills.
and then onto the important stuff:
The Office and Edward Cullen
Those are two distractions that I don't mind. :-)
Tuesday, March 03, 2009
Monday, March 02, 2009
Sunday, March 01, 2009
sunday
I've had a TON of blogging ideas this week. And I've had so much to share. But as I finally find time to sit and write, I am blank.
(in fact, it's really not a good time because I am surrounded by kids dressed up in old Halloween costumes.... and they are fighting over swords and darts).... (so it will be interesting to see if any real thoughts appear as I type)...
We've had Thayer' grandmother with us this week, visiting from SC. I was so glad that she agreed to come back with us last weekend. She was able to visit with some friends, and I had a chance to drag her around to some of our usual spots, including Kids Haven, school, the library, etc.
I drove her half-way home yesterday.
The Boys and I went to All Fired Up with some friends yesterday. L actually SAT in a chair to work on his project!!!! (that kid doesn't even sit to eat dinner!!) I think I may have found a new hobby for the boys :-)
Last night my friend's daughter came to spend the night and she ended up spending today with us as well.
So... we've been having a big time with all of our visitors this week!!
Interesting enough... when I have found time to myself this week... I have been a wreck. Fresh, raw sadness has sprung back to the surface. I find myself having flashbacks of those first few seconds, moments and days following Thayer's death. (and I know that these images will continue to haunt me...
a friend and I were talking about how traumatic moments are forever engrained in our memories. It's interesting how sights, sounds, smells, locations, etc can bring back vivid memories of events.)
And again, I find myself SO relieved that I am able to have my meltdowns when I need them. I am thankful when the tears come because I am reminded that I am human... and that I'm in the middle of a long process... and that I'm doing okay.
At this point in my grieving process I am SO thankful for friends that have made the special effort to "pursue" me :-) Thanks to those of you who call...(and don't expect me to call back) ;)
Thanks for the cards, emails and lunch dates.
I know I haven't been the best at initiating plans lately... but I am thankful for those of you who care enough to nuture our friendship!!!
I am SO thankful for those of you who will talk about Thayer, and for those who ask me good questions. I need to talk about these things and I appreciate those of you who will listen.
(in fact, it's really not a good time because I am surrounded by kids dressed up in old Halloween costumes.... and they are fighting over swords and darts).... (so it will be interesting to see if any real thoughts appear as I type)...
We've had Thayer' grandmother with us this week, visiting from SC. I was so glad that she agreed to come back with us last weekend. She was able to visit with some friends, and I had a chance to drag her around to some of our usual spots, including Kids Haven, school, the library, etc.
I drove her half-way home yesterday.
The Boys and I went to All Fired Up with some friends yesterday. L actually SAT in a chair to work on his project!!!! (that kid doesn't even sit to eat dinner!!) I think I may have found a new hobby for the boys :-)
Last night my friend's daughter came to spend the night and she ended up spending today with us as well.
So... we've been having a big time with all of our visitors this week!!
Interesting enough... when I have found time to myself this week... I have been a wreck. Fresh, raw sadness has sprung back to the surface. I find myself having flashbacks of those first few seconds, moments and days following Thayer's death. (and I know that these images will continue to haunt me...
a friend and I were talking about how traumatic moments are forever engrained in our memories. It's interesting how sights, sounds, smells, locations, etc can bring back vivid memories of events.)
And again, I find myself SO relieved that I am able to have my meltdowns when I need them. I am thankful when the tears come because I am reminded that I am human... and that I'm in the middle of a long process... and that I'm doing okay.
At this point in my grieving process I am SO thankful for friends that have made the special effort to "pursue" me :-) Thanks to those of you who call...(and don't expect me to call back) ;)
Thanks for the cards, emails and lunch dates.
I know I haven't been the best at initiating plans lately... but I am thankful for those of you who care enough to nuture our friendship!!!
I am SO thankful for those of you who will talk about Thayer, and for those who ask me good questions. I need to talk about these things and I appreciate those of you who will listen.
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