content discontentment

I have been reveling in snow day excitement.
Don't get me wrong... I enjoy my job.  But I enjoy not going to my job more.
I have an idealistic dream that I can one day become a stay at home mom again.   Ha.  Not that I can birth any more babies.  But it would be cool to stay home and be house wifey.   Perhaps my future sugar daddy can let me fulfill my dream.

I am not one that enjoys to stay at home for long periods of time.  I usually have to go somewhere every day. 
With the thought of impending snow, I had to gear up for this week.   For days prior to the snow, we ran around, went shopping, went to the skate park, and ate out.  I knew I had to get activity out of my system or I would completely melt down with cabin fever.

It's been one full day at home.  I survived.   And I accomplished nothing.
(Well, I did balance my checkbook, only to realize that we probably shouldn't have run around so much this week). ha.

Overall, It was nice to have a day 'off' from everything, but I find it difficult to be content with doing nothing.  It's hard to just be still.   I am so very content with being at home, but not necessarily content with being at home.  (If you know what I mean.)

I've been learning "rest" for almost a year.   It was my 'one word' from last year.  And I'm still learning.  A lot of it has to do with me learning to be content with non-action.
I'll have another opportunity to practice this tomorrow....
right after we shovel the driveway...

because,really,  I need to get outta here!

my word

Currently reading My One Word by Mike Ashcraft.  
And my one word this year...   
(drumroll please)......

REST

This has been hard to explain to people because I do not simply mean being lazy or sleeping more.   (even though sleep does happen to be a focus for me this year!)

This year I want to focus on:

REST in God's presence.
The Lord replied, "My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest."   Exodus 33:14

REST in quiet time with God.
"...Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest." Mark 6:31

REST in God's security.
"Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure." Psalm 16:9

REST in God's promises.
Praise be to the Lord, who has given rest to his people Israel just as he promied.  Not one word has failed of all the good promises he gave through his servant Moses. 1 Kings 8:56

REST in contentment.
Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from Him.  Psalm 62:5

Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you. Psalm 116:7

REST from excess and rest from busyness.
These two carry over into several aspects of life and I'm anxious to see how God will teach me this year.

It's interesting to see the little ways that God has already spoken my word to me in the past few weeks.  Several Bible verses and songs have popped up at the right moment, as gentle reminders that God's got this.   My prayer is that I can rest in God alone this year and focus on deepening my relationship with him.

God is Awake

I have been enjoying the lack of eventfulness lately.   There has been nothing to report.  Nothing weighing heavily on my mind.  Nothing to keep me awake at night.

I've been sleeping 8+ hours at night.    And it's become a regular thing.  I have NO idea how I survived on three or four hours of sleep after Thayer died.  I remember being a zombie for a long time.... and people were pretty forgiving of that for so long.  
Even after the initial year or more of all-night cry fests,  I was still a night owl for several years... just out of habit.
Now, finally, I feel like a normal oldish person who goes to bed at semi-normal hours.
I have mastered the ability of falling asleep as soon as I hit the pillow.   I'm proud of that.

I have a gorgeous painting on my wall by Sunshine Barlowe Lewis.  It's the only piece of art that I own.... and I love it.     As I go to bed each night I can see the quote from Victor Hugo, who is one of my faves!
"Have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones. And when you have finished your daily task, Go to sleep in peace - God is awake". - Victor Hugo

I sleep well at night knowing that God's got this.  No matter how sucky my day was or how much my kids are annoying me.  God's got this.  There is nothing that I can solve or accomplish in the dark of night.
I can sleep in peace knowing that tomorrow starts a new day. 
I try to remind my kids of that every night.  Tomorrow is a new day.   A new opportunity to start fresh, behave at school (and at work), be kind to people who bug us, and have a better attitude.  A new beginning, each day.

But looking back, there were many days when I would dread waking, not wanting to get out of bed, not convinced that the new day would be an improvement to the last. 
The 'sorrows of life' were overwhelming.  

 I think about dear friends who are currently in a mess of sorrows.   I know that they are sleepless at night and their troubles are overwhelming.  
My prayer is that they too will see that tomorrow is a new day.    

I have come out of that dark of night as a witness that God does have this.   Things will get better.  You will rest again.   It's a long night.... but take courage my friends.   God is awake.

boring update

Today I went to work.   Then I did nothing.

Daniel stayed home sick from school today and managed to watch every 'man' show on Netflix.    

(The other night, I put a TV and the Wii in his room during a party, and the boys have been holed up in there for a few days, enjoying their own little den of television.   they are enjoying this brief interlude of my 'tvs don't belong in bedrooms' rule.)

I came home, planted myself on the living room couch and did nothing all afternoon.  
My brilliant idea of being unplugged during the day has long been thrown to the wayside.   I spent my afternoon in a flurry of checking facebook, checking email and watching episodes of "The Big Bang Theory". 

(People rave about this show.  I'm almost done with the first season....and it's improved from the pilot... but I'm really waiting for some character or plot development.   The jury is still out about whether I'll be a huge fan.)

anywho.  back to the couch.   
I felt uneasy not doing anything.    I wondered what I should be doing, but then I took a nap for an hour.   When I woke, both of my hands had fallen asleep.   
I didn't realize that idle hands could lose blood so quickly.

Lucas came home and retreated to the TV hole.  The boys started watching countless hours of cartoons and i realized that the sun had set.   I peeled myself out from under the blanket and threw together some little pizzas for dinner.   We had our family dinner- at the table- and we all wondered if there was something that we were supposed to be doing this evening.
So many wasted hours... it has been baffling.

This kind of day is really rare around here.  I'm usually going, or doing, or piddling around with something.   
Today was refreshing.... and I keep telling myself that it's okay to have days like these. 
We all enjoyed being lazy today.
I guess it's back to reality tomorrow.

exciting-do-nothing-day

I technically should be doing something today. But I'm choosing not to.

I've already had the 'run-around-and-buy-stuff-for-the-trip-days', and the 'clean-up-your-bedroom-or-else-day', and the 'I-should-probably-pay-the-bills-night'.
So today, I think I'm gonna shoot for a nap.
Interesting enough... here I sit with computer in lap. not napping.

I leave in less then two weeks and I'm totally chill about it. I am certain that my relaxed state of thinking is directly related to the fact that I've been prayed over these last few weeks. I have this great sense that my preparations will fall into place and I certainly don't need to sweat the small stuff.

Sure, I've got plans to have the house in tip-top condition before I leave. And I've even joked about cleaning out my drawers, just in case I don't make it back. (I'd hate to think about my poor family having to sift through all of the junk.)
But honestly, I doubt I'll get to the drawers.
Ideally I'd like the floors to be visible before I leave the country. :)

I think I'll start tomorrow.