two days

 (December 31st, 2014)

We've been unsettled over our Christmas break.  The kitchen remodel is underway and people come and go, but not daily.... so it's kind of a guessing game as to if I should sleep late or get up and be presentable when contractors arrive.    Today the boys and I slept until 9 when the floor guys came in.   I have a nifty sign on my door that notifies them of our presence and tells them to just do their thing.   So far, so good.
We've had about a week of inactivity after they found a default with the flooring and had to resolve it with Lowes.   Once the new floors get here, the rest should fall into place.
I was glad to see the floor guys today as they are prepping.

The no-kitchen thing has been fine.   We have eaten out a ton, without that extra guilt of not cooking.  "It's justified", I like to think.
And we've been fed well by others!   The Tibbs family has offered to feed us every Monday, forever.   ;).....and my folks, and others have invited us to dinner.
 I'd like to think I'll repay the favor when I get a kitchen.   IF I use the kitchen for cooking.

This project is obviously huge for our family.    Especially all at once.   If Thayer were still alive, I think that he may have remodeled our kitchen by now.   It was his plan all along.  It was our plan.
  I envision it would have been a very slow process.   A small bit at a time..... floors one year,  painted cabinets one summer, new appliances as needed.   The whole project may have been completed by now.   Six years in the making.    Lots of nagging from me, and probably lots of work from me and the boys as well.

(January 1, 2015)

So here we are seven and a half years after moving in and I'm having the kitchen remodeled in a matter of weeks.    It's overwhelming.
 Even after talking about it for years.... if feels like a dream that it's actually happening.
 I am thankful for Thayer's planning and provisions that make it possible.   I'm seeing our plans come to fruition and it's pretty exciting.

Today is the first day of 2015.
We were blessed to spend this new year's day, and evening, with several families.   And I realize how thankful I am for all of the various relationships God has provided for our family this year.   He's been generous with new friendships and providing times for old friendships to remain.
I hope that this year will be a great one for our friends and family.

 I'm indecisive of if I should set goals or anticipate events this year.
I honestly haven't processed beyond the next few days.
We are back to work and school on Monday.  
I dread having to shift our sleeping schedule again.
And no matter how much I am enjoying my class this year, I am so anxious for summer to roll around.    (I really, really like my summer sleep schedule).
 In the meantime I'll settle for some snow days.  That would be okay too.

Tuesday in Rodanthe

Tuesday, July 1st:
Three full days of vacation are slowly becoming the past.

Isn't it interesting how the first few days of vacation seem to drag by, and then the last several fly by too fast?  I'm trying to hold on to this Tuesday as long as possible.

Sunday we spent the morning and the afternoon on the beach.
The waves were rough.   Outer Banks rough.
The boys had a close call and learned a valuable lesson, and healthy fear, of the ocean.
Undeterred, they enjoyed a full afternoon of boogie boarding, staying close to the sand.

We've been sticking to our summer sleep schedule!!

We slept late on Monday, ate lunch, and then headed to the sound for an afternoon of glassy smooth water and easy swimming.

The boys had combined their money to buy a two- person inflatable boat and Daniel floated around in the boat for most of the day.

Monday evening, we went out to eat BBQ and ran some errands.

Today we headed to the beach after lunch.   The water was much calmer and the kids enjoyed jumping waves and boogie boarding.    I even joined in on the wave jumping.  It brought back memories from my childhood trips to the beach.

The past few days have given me plenty of time to read!  I'm currently in the third book of The Walk series by Richard Paul Evans.  I recently realized that he is a great storyteller and his books are right up my alley.   They are quick reads with good messages.

I may have more time to read this week since the weather might bring a tropical storm our way later this week.
We'll see how it goes.

God is Awake

I have been enjoying the lack of eventfulness lately.   There has been nothing to report.  Nothing weighing heavily on my mind.  Nothing to keep me awake at night.

I've been sleeping 8+ hours at night.    And it's become a regular thing.  I have NO idea how I survived on three or four hours of sleep after Thayer died.  I remember being a zombie for a long time.... and people were pretty forgiving of that for so long.  
Even after the initial year or more of all-night cry fests,  I was still a night owl for several years... just out of habit.
Now, finally, I feel like a normal oldish person who goes to bed at semi-normal hours.
I have mastered the ability of falling asleep as soon as I hit the pillow.   I'm proud of that.

I have a gorgeous painting on my wall by Sunshine Barlowe Lewis.  It's the only piece of art that I own.... and I love it.     As I go to bed each night I can see the quote from Victor Hugo, who is one of my faves!
"Have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones. And when you have finished your daily task, Go to sleep in peace - God is awake". - Victor Hugo

I sleep well at night knowing that God's got this.  No matter how sucky my day was or how much my kids are annoying me.  God's got this.  There is nothing that I can solve or accomplish in the dark of night.
I can sleep in peace knowing that tomorrow starts a new day. 
I try to remind my kids of that every night.  Tomorrow is a new day.   A new opportunity to start fresh, behave at school (and at work), be kind to people who bug us, and have a better attitude.  A new beginning, each day.

But looking back, there were many days when I would dread waking, not wanting to get out of bed, not convinced that the new day would be an improvement to the last. 
The 'sorrows of life' were overwhelming.  

 I think about dear friends who are currently in a mess of sorrows.   I know that they are sleepless at night and their troubles are overwhelming.  
My prayer is that they too will see that tomorrow is a new day.    

I have come out of that dark of night as a witness that God does have this.   Things will get better.  You will rest again.   It's a long night.... but take courage my friends.   God is awake.

time to plan a vacation

I'm out of focus.  I have sat to write a blog several times but my mind wanders as to what I actually want to type about.  I've got lots of little tidbits that our journal worthy... but in the grand scheme of things... they don't really interest me, and in turn would bore a normal person.

I've had some not-so-great parenting moments this week.   The most memorable moment was when I was observed in my pajamas, asleep on my couch, while my son was bullying a neighbor kid.    Any sane person would find it hard to believe that I was actually keeping an eye on the boys and trying to catch up on reading... and I completely- unintentionally- fell asleep.   Am I honestly that kind of parent now?
This is the kind of thing that CPS is called in for, right?
cringe.

The first few days of this week, I was SO sleepy.  If I didn't know any better... I would suspect a pregnancy.     But since that's not the case, I blame myself for not being more active.  

Anywho.
The rest of the week has revolved around muddling thru the kid stuff and pulling myself out of a series of emotional ups and downs.
I've been missing Thayer this week.  

Surprisingly the highlight of my week has been seeing pictures posted by the folks who went with Mission  Link to Uganda this year.     My heart swells as I see familiar people and places, new faces and new places.   I feel a mixture of excitement, longing and anticipation when I see the pictures and read the stories. 
I want to be there.
I want my kids to be there.

Last night, I listened as several women talked about making long term plans to travel to Disney World.  But during the conversation, I just kept thinking about when I can get my kids to Africa.  That's my goal. 
(also a trip to Sea World, one of these years would be splendid)
 After hearing about the 'planning' aspect of a trip to Disney... i'm pretty sure that a trip to Uganda will be far easier to pull off.

another week

A superb weekend has drawn to a close.    A weekend of social outings, pumpkin purchases, a birthday party, a sleepover, church and lifegroup.   
Monday is right around the corner.   Another day of 6:30 waking.
Another day of begging Lucas to get out of bed at 7:15, 7:20, 7:30, 7:40.

I'm looking forward to Saturday...  That's my day to sleep late.  I tell the kids to sleep late too.
And Lucas gets up at 6:45.
I. don't. get. it.
6:45 on a saturday.....asking to play games on the computer.
no. way.

So, tomorrow, on  Monday.... I plan to ring the bells and clang the cymbals... and get that boy out of bed.

staying up

I had slight intentions of going to bed at a decent hour tonight.
The past few weeks I have slumped back in to my late night habits.
Certainly not as bad as the first year after Thayer died. I'm still not sure how I lived that year. I can remember that I used to go to bed every night between 2-3am. With my alarm waking me at 6am. I was a zombie.

More lately, I have been going to bed around 1am. Sleep comes easy these days... as long as it's preceeded by a scalding hot bath.

Tonight as I sit and listen to the silence of my boys reading, and the rattle of the washing machine... it occured to me that I could actually watch TV tonight.

I have been arrogantly proud of the fact that I don't watch tv. I know, I know... I've got Netflix...and internet... and that counts for alot of wasted time. I love my netflix movies and my dates with NBC.com.

I have been anxiously following the "Parenthood" series on NBC.com.
Last week, for the first time in forever, I went downstairs to watch Parenthood in real time. I was bummed when I remembered that commercials were part of the gig.
But I'll deal.

So tonight, I'm waiting up to watch it again.
I can't rave enough about this show. It is well written, the character development has been right-on, and the plot is so true to life. It's just a great 'feel good' show about families.

No idea why I'm blogging about tv.

This week I am getting items ready to pack for Uganda. I've got to deliver my personal stow bag on Saturday. All else will go in my carry-on. It feels like departure is just around the corner!
My Dramamine is ready to go. (and no... I DON'T buy the 'less drowsy' formula). I suppose I should think about loading that iPod. It's gonna be a long trip...