I really don't have anything profound to share today. Our day went as planned. The boys and I immersed ourselves in mindless television, a friend came to visit, the guitar guy came, and we attended the church cookout.
I think that sad anniversaries are only what you make of them.
This year I decided not to make it a big deal. Even though, inside, I was struggling. Every year the anticipation of certain days brings on an emotional and physical reaction. I know that I just have to get through the day and then life continues as usual. (kinda like meeting with my financial advisor) haha ;)
No big deal in the grand scheme of things.
It's not that the time has healed my grief. Time just makes the grief more bearable.
I think.
The grief is certainly not as fresh as it was a few years ago.... but I know that whether it's been six years, or sixty, I will always remember what we had - and lost.
I haven't let my mind 'go there' today.
I have been very happy lately. I don't want to put myself in that pit of active grief again.
Not yet.
I haven't needed a good weepy cry. The time between tears has grown over the years. In fact, I can't remember the last time I that I have cried. But I know that tears will come in time. They usually do.
The boys are very unfazed by the talk of Thayer's death anniversary and upcoming birthday. I have no idea what goes on in their tween/teen brains. I don't push them. I know that they will struggle in their own way, with missing their Dad, as they approach different milestones in life. For now, they seem okay. And I am thankful.
As always I am very thankful for my family and friends who have walked this grief journey with us. God placed all the right people in our lives to help us survive these past six years.
We are truly blessed.
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