Pat Coleman

 I first met Pat over lunch at Charley's, a local restaurant, back in 2016.   Greg had brought me to meet his mother.  I was the new girl in his life and I was curious how his mother would take to me.   
Pat was instantly kind and welcoming.   My first impression of her was that she was stylish and poised.
As time progressed and it looked like I'd be sticking around, Pat accepted me as a new daughter-in-law and embraced the thought of having my boys as new grandchildren.   I loved that I never doubted where I stood with her.  She made me feel part of the family and was always inquisitive and inclusive of my boys.

Being the newest member of the Coleman family, I only had the pleasure of knowing Pat for 8 years. Such a small blip compared to the long running Coleman clan... But I feel like we experienced a lot of life together in that time.   As we became familiar with each other, I realized that Pat could cut-up like the rest of us, and she had a good sense of humor.   
I always appreciated that she would often have my back when we were teasing Greg or lecturing him about his quirky husband behaviors.   She would tell him to treat me right!... but somehow in the same sentence manage to defend her baby boy.   Sometimes I think she thought Greg hung the moon.  😆

I was blessed to share countless meals with Pat over the years.  I remember lunches at Cracker Barrel, celebrations with family, and her massive craving for Chick-Fil-A these past few years.
There was a point in time when we were having her over for dinner each week.   I had a running dialogue with Greg that no matter what I cooked she would always manage to talk about how she would have served, or prepared, it differently.  She never meant any insult.... but I guess that's just typical daughter-in-law insecurity.  😟
It's true though....she was a great cook!.... and I will never live up to her expertise in the kitchen.   That lady could fry up some chicken!.... and her salmon cakes are unmatched.  

Pat had such a sweet tooth.   The Summer of Covid, 2020- Pat went to the beach with me, Greg and Lucas.   We made a special detour to get donuts, just for Pat.    She was also craving funnel cake that week, so we searched out a funnel cake stand and Lucas proceeded to run several blocks, in pouring rain, to obtain the funnel cake for Nanny Pat.   He insisted that she HAD to have it!  I love that memory.  
And none of us will forget her chocolate shakes from Chick-Fil-A.  

That same summer, we realized that Pat had not been "swimming" in many years.  She was determined to give it a try and came to the pool one evening.   I remember that we all laughed hysterically when she realized that she couldn't quite stand up in the pool.   She was a bit more fragile than we thought, and her legs just kept floating out from under her.  I was so tickled.  That was quite an experience for her.

When Pat was diagnosed with cancer in 2022, I helped her around the house for a year until she hired a professional cleaner, who she later raved about to me...  "She does such a great job really vacuuming underneath things".   (haha.  Guess I missed that mark, as with the cooking.  😂)
The best part about me helping her out (to the best of my ability) was that I got to spend some one-on-one time with her.   We were able to have talks about family, friends, life and death.    I think we kept conversation very real between us and I am so thankful for her outlook on life and her expression of faith.

Pat loved her family.   She adored her late husband, Lewis, whom I wish I could have met.   I'm pretty sure that he is the one who hung the moon..... although she shared some stories about Lewis that explain a few of Greg's quirks.😆  
Over the years I observed how Pat maintained unique relationships with each family member.   She had a special way of interacting with each of her children, her special nieces, and her grandchildren.   Nanny Pat was a precious matriarch to her family.    We all loved her support and stability.   
Pat will be dearly missed.

Until we meet again. 💕

The funnel cake!
Summer 2020

Surprise visit from Lucas
August 2021

Pat's 81st bday
January 2022

The night "swim" 😂 
Summer 2020

the little things

 

As I was driving to a friend's house on Sunday for our weekly girls' night I had a feeling wash over me.    Something told me to really enjoy my time with my girls: For our talking, for our games, for our laughter, or for whatever our night would bring.   
I often find myself thinking about the next thing, the next day, the next chore.   Often watching the clock for no real reason.
But in that moment, I wanted to be fully PRESENT in my time with my people.   
We are not promised another day, or even another moment.... so we should live fully in the NOW. 
 
I told the girls about my revelation, which didn't come across as very deep when I said it out loud. ha-ha.  We all kinda know this in our beings.   But in our society, being present in the moment is easier said than done.   
I went on to enjoy my evening.... no timeline.... just making memories where it mattered.

This idea of being present has followed me into the week as well.  (I love it when God is driving home a good point).   

Greg and I watched the final episode of This is Us** last night.   And guess what?!.... the entire episode was strategically written to remind us to embrace the little things in life.  Those little things are often the most important. 
The main character, who struggled with memory loss in her older years, had the biggest fear of losing simple memories of a Saturday afternoon that the family spent together when her kids were young.   Those little moments, little memories, were the important ones! 

Watching this show, working at the funeral home, as well as witnessing health issues with others- I'm becoming more keenly aware that we can't escape death and it's the living that we need to do, now.  

YouTube recommended a Ted Talk to me, today, which touched on the same subject!  Go figure.   This gal is pretty inspiring.
Here's the synopsis of her talk:

Elin Kjos is a sport’s trainer who was diagnosed with incurable lung cancer two years ago. She was given less than a year to live and has yet defeated all odds. Everyday, she shares her journey with her hundreds of thousands of followers on Instagram. Today, she will talk about how her cancer diagnosis changed her perspective on life. Through this story telling, we hope you will be inspired to start living your life in a more meaningful way. Elin is a former elite swimmer, an entrepreneur in physical training & health and a life inspirer with the motto “Life is here and now”. Since two years ago, she lives with the diagnosis of an incurable lung cancer and wants to inspire others to dare others to live life to its fullest everyday - regardless of diagnoses or challenges in life.

I'm inspired to take hold of my moments,  to make them count. To be present with my people. To be a better listener.  To relax.  To take it all in.  

"Take the risks.  Make the big moves, even if they're small ones.  Forge ahead with your lives in any and every direction that moves you.  I'm asking you to be fearless. "  Rebecca Pearson #ThisIsUs 

We've only got one shot, one opportunity.   Let's make it count!

** This Is Us had FANTASTIC writers.    Over the seasons, we watched an entire family over many decades.  Generation after generation.  With rewinds and fast forwards.   Such a great, poignant show.  10 out of 10, would recommend.

important dates

Greg's super power is remembering dates.   He can recall dates of occassions, he can recall dates that movies and music were released.   He has a "Rain Man" type of recollection for dates and numbers.

I, on the otherhand, do NOT.   There are only several dates that I can easily recall.

1977, born

1995, graduated HS

1999, married to Thayer

2000, first child

2002, second child

2004, moved away from town

2007 moved back to town

2008 Thayer died

2017 Married to Greg

In the past I have always documented my thoughts about getting older, as well as my thoughts each year around Thayer's death....basically to remember how old I am and to keep my memory in check.

This year the dates came and went and I wanted to write.   I wanted to write about being 43..... to write about 12 years without Thayer.... and how he would have been 50 this year.     

 I did not write.

Who would have thought this would be such a distracting year.   And such a pivotal year in so many ways.

2020. We will remember this year.

2020.  I turned 43.   

2020.  Thayer has been gone 12 years. Still seems so surreal.   

(2008 will always be my most pivotal year.)

2020.  I left my job of 13 years to pursue a fast food job.   I was told by a co-worker that it is a "young person's job".    (I can feel that, for sure.)    And who would have guessed that I would be in a new "career" at age 43.

2020 could not have been predicted by ANY of us back in 2015.   I can imagine this year has thrown those "5 year planners" for a huge loop.  

What's your 5 year plan?

 I find that question impossible to ponder over.   So much can happen in five years.   So much can happen.... in an instant.

I'm sure God giggles at our plans.... maybe even belly laughs.

This year has certainly been a doozy.   We'll just add it to our list of memorable dates and pray that we'll have many more.

God's plan for us is perfect....even when we are not.

 Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.  Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.”  As it is, you boast in your arrogant schemes. All such boasting is evil.

James 4:13-16

so I can remember....

Hightlights from 2019:


-Both boys to WinterBlast at Camp Orchard Hill, Pennsylvania.
-Greg and Jill spent a weekend in Staunton, VA
-Jill hosted a Galentine party for her close friends, presented "love letters"
-We adopted Maleficent from the Humane Society on February 9th.  (aka Mally, Mal, Malory, Maddy, Madelyn)
-Valentine's dinner at Moore's Country Store.
-Girl's weekend to Richmond. (drag brunch and cinebistro)
-Seasonal sleepovers with the neices and nephew
-UVA wins National Championship in basketball
-Daniel has season pass to Wintergreen, injures his rotator cuff and wrist.  skateboards often.
-Lucas attends Midway Baptist Church youth weekend "Dnow, Relentless"
-Family and friend birthday celebrations. 
-Daniel works at Upper Crust Pizza
-Boys: Youth lock-in
-Jill goes to the beach for spring break with Jamie and Tanner
-Taylor starts job as a reporter for WSET.
-Greg and Jill to Arizona for the Axon conference (april 29-May 2).... visit with Thad and family.
-Daniel to Hyperfest in May and to VIR event in October
-Lucas competes in Ninja competiton in NC
-Daniel graduates from Brookville High School On May 31st.
-Greg attends concerts:  Tesla, Stryper, Skid Row, Iron Maiden
-Lucas attends LU-Sodexo Internship
-Pool parties:  extended family comes to swim.  Sunday afternoons with Colemans, youth group cookout
-Jill: monthly ladies' nights
-Jill: SNL (sunday night ladies) here.  Friendsgiving at Lisa's, Christmas party at Kelly's
-Lucas to Paris and Switzerland July 4-15
-Daniel was sick with low blood count on July 7th.  (missed greg's bday party)
-Daniel to Mexico with youth group July 11-20
-Summer lifegroup meetings in family homes.  It rained on our pool party day. 
-new couches
-Lucas gets official license,  first car 2000 Honda Civic hatchback.  (lemon)
-2nd wedding anniversary trip to Williamsburg, VA (Busch Gardens, ghost tour, ride on the ferry)
-Lucas starts work at Upper Crust Pizza after having very few hours at Dominos
-Daniel and Luke Martin purchase the van to fix up.  (still sits in driveway in december)
-Daniel starts working full time at Subaru August 14
-Grandma Gowell fell and broke her femur.... in hospital for almost a month battling complications of blood condition: ITP
-Jill starts lead teacher position, 2s class,Heritage United Methodist preschool.  (13th year of employment)
-Greg attends UVA football games
-Jill- Girl's annual trip to Virgiinia Beach, September
-Boys attend movie nights at Kartch's house
-Lucas' 17th birthday, Daniel's 19th birthday
-Jill attends ladies events at Rustburg UM Church with Kelly Gladden:  Game nights, icecream social, Friendsgiving, cookie exchange
-Boys attend Man Camp with Grace Church at the Torrence farm
-19th annual pumpkin party
-Greg to Gettysburg, PA for leadership training
-Greg and Jill: getaway to Richmond overnight (Cinebistro) and back to C-ville for basketball game
-Hosting Lifegroup Christmas party
-Jill and Jamie go to the theatre:  Best Christmas Pagaent Ever
-Greg and Jill go to the theatre: It's a Wonderful Life Radio Show
-Jill: "Jesus Book Club" dinner and discussions.
- Daniel moved out in November.  Staying with his friend Travis.  Looking to rent a larger house in the new year.
-Taylor brings boyfriend, Logan, to meet the family
-December 30: Greg employed by Lynchburg Police Department for 23 years

August

August 16th
11 years

Mid August always brings on an underlying bit of anxiousness for me: Remembering the pivotal moment of Thayer's death, and the days that followed. 
It was a horrible time...and I only allow myself to engage those memories for about a week.   Then back to business as usual.

It started a bit earlier this month.  August 3rd, I found out that one of my travel companions to Uganda, in 2011, had tragically been killed by a drunk driver.     
My relationship with Kent was brief.  I had traveled with Kent and his son to Uganda and I have seen him a handful of times since.   Kent was DOING things!  Great things!  He was wise, encouraging, open, thoughtful. 
The Facebook tributes began flooding in.... and I knew I had pinned him well.   So many people have described him with such eloquence.  He was the kind of guy that impacted everyone he came in contact with.    His film projects were rich and full.  His faith was unique and his love for his family was so evident.     Kent gave so much of himself to the world.... and now he is just... gone.
I know exactly where Kent Williamson is today.... but I am terribly heartbroken for his wife and six children, as well as the extended family who lost 4 of their people that day.   So many lives shattered.  I just can't imagine. 
My journey can only give me a small glimpse of what that family may be experiencing.   It's horrific.

Fast forward to some of my own weepy car rides this month and the recognition that my boys are growing up with so many of Thayer's traits.
Daniel started working full time as an auto technician this week.   I am so proud, and I know Thayer would be over the moon to have his son follow in his footsteps.   
Where have the last eleven years gone?!

Yesterday I ran in to a family that I haven't seen in many years.   Right away I remembered them as people I loved.  We had lost touch when they moved far away.
My mind went into a frantic search for placing them on my timeline.  Adam and Kim...  They knew Thayer.  Were they around when Thayer died?  Do they even know Thayer is dead?  (cue the sad music about my non-existent memory)
Thank goodness they were able to clear up the details and it was SO lovely to see their faces again.
They have been on my mind since our meeting.  A blast from the past... (Early 2000s) ...A past that feels like two lifetimes ago.

Sabrina shared an interesting theory with me today.   She seems to think I don't remember much of my past, and I don't tend to be anxious about the future, because I live in the present.     In some ways I guess that is true.   
It's true I don't dwell on the past (however it's a shame that I can't remember all the fun stuff).
And if I've learned anything from Thayer's death, it is that we can't worry our way into the future.    We just have to be along for the ride.
I want to strive to be more conscious of the present and be intentional with the people I love.
Life is too short.

Granny

I met her in November of 1997.    It just so happened that the guy I knew that I was going to marry lived with his grandparents, Elmer and Marie.     Marie was introduced to me as "Granny".

In April of 1999 "Granny" became my Grandmother-in-law.... but in reality, she was the only "mother- in-law" I would know.    She had raised Thayer from the age of 13.     The fact that she had taken in two boys, after raising her own kids, made her a saint in my eyes.   (not to omit the fact that Thayer's paternal grandparents also had an earlier role.)    
Thayer's Grandparents helped to build a solid foundation on which Thayer and his brother became the men that God intended them to be.   And I am thankful for their investment.

Granny embraced me as a granddaughter, and spoiled Thayer and I with frequent home cooked meals during our first year of marriage.    The weekly meals and fellowship continued when my babies were born.  
As great-grandparents the Jantzes became known "Papa and Granny Jantz".
Papa and Granny would frequent our family events.   I remember taking them to the park for a play date and picnic when my kids were young.

Granny spent a lot of time in the kitchen.  A lot.   She introduced me to swiss chard, rhubarb, her famous cranberry salad, her standard ham with pineapple, and a plethora of pies.   My favorite was her apple pie, yet interestingly... her favorite seemed to be Marie Callendar's Razzleberry pie.   :)

The Jantzes were gardening geniuses.   They had a prestinely landscaped yard.   They grew a ton of veggies and wasted not.   Granny canned and canned and canned.   Thayer and I never had a shortage of green beans or jelly.   Crab apple jelly was always on hand... and quite tasty.

As the Jantzes aged, the garden and yard became too much for them to handle on their own.   Thayer would take care of the yard work.    And it was a somber day when grass was planted over the garden.

Granny was the extreme example of someone with a servant's heart.   She would bend over backwards to serve, help, encourage and love on people.   It's been rumored that she never complained.   And I believe it.  I never witnessed her complain about anything.
She was a very loving and submissive wife.   I can still hear Elmer say, "Marie!" and she would run to his side.   She was patient and kind.

In 2004 Thayer's job took us to another city.   Thayer would return to help with the yard.
At some point, early 2006, our visits became very frequent because Papa Jantz was battling cancer and we knew his time was short.    Granny was running herself ragged taking care of him.   Best nurse ever.... though her own body was growing weak and the physical labor was taking a toll on her.
As hospice came in, she still cared for that man until his last breath.

One of the most precious memories I have is sitting with Granny all night, on Elmer's last night.   I had never been on death watch before and our conversation topics were very interesting, to say the least.    Being with Granny while Elmer passed is one of my most vivid memories.
She was darling.
(As age stole Granny's memories, she had no recollection that I was with her that night.  But it's a memory I hope to keep.)  

After Elmer's death, she moved out of state with her son and daughter-in-law.   Our visits were less frequent.   Maybe twice a year while Thayer was alive.   I kept that up for a few years and then our visits tapered off to once a year, these past few years.

Over the past several years age had stolen Granny's ability to cook and to remember certain things.
I recall one time when we were visiting and her prided pies didn't turn out "quite like they were supposed to".  It was obvious that she was loosing her "touch" and I could see the concern in her eyes.

A few years ago Granny came to stay with us for several days.    I remember how excited she would get as she watched her baseball.   She personally knew her Braves.  And come to think of it... the only time I ever saw her get a little cranky was when she realized that I didn't have ESPN.    
During that visit, the reality of her age, her physical, and her mental limitations hit me.     I started to understand the care and dedication that her son and daughter-in-law were exhibiting on a daily basis.

The last few times that I visited with Granny, her memory was hazy.... but she would talk at length about how she had met Elmer.   He had come to work on her family farm and had taken an interest in her.    I wish I had documented the details... because those things... she remembered vividly.
She had a "young" picture of him in her room and she would point out how good lookin' he was.  :)

Upon jogging her memory, she would tell me about being a seamstress and about how she would sew costumes for plays at the university.  
Her long term memory was very selective.    Other major events, she didn't recall, or didn't want to discuss.    For instance... I think I had heard that she once had brain surgery...??  But she didn't seem to remember that.
She lived a long, full, heartbreaking, joyful life.   From my perspective I see that she endured so much heartache over her 93 years....yet she was still joyful.     I know her faith in Jesus carried her through.

The last time we visited Granny, (last November).... I remember thinking that it might be the last time we see her.    It was.
Granny went to be with Jesus, and a slew of family members... and friends, on Monday.
I know she was ready.... but she will be missed.
I am thankful for her life and her impact on our family.

Photos from Granny's 90th birthday, 2012.

Thanksgiving 1998

I am meant to clean my house today.  But I haven't gotten past my closet.
I am finally emptying out picture frames that have lost their honored place on the walls over the years.   Various family pictures, collages, etc.   I plan to make a few collage pictures for the boys as a Christmas gift.

High upon the closet shelf I stumbled into the Poem that Thayer gave to me on Thanksgiving of 1998.

To put things into perspective.... Thayer and I met just before Thanksgiving of 1997 while working at the Candle Factory.  We had our first date with my friends Jamie and Cathy, the night before thanksgiving.   (A trip to ice skate in Roanoke).     The next day, he joined my family for Thanksgiving dinner and within the year we were engaged to be married.
So... thanksgiving of 1998.  I was happily engaged and completely blown away when Thayer presented me with this poem.  It is chock full of interesting facts that no one will understand.
BUT a few of you will totally get some of this!  So... in memory of Thayer, 15 years later... I thought I'd share.  :)

Thanksgiving 1998

One year ago, much like today

started the love of my life, I do say.

Amid the candles, and a blueberry welcome, 

we sang to Roanoke in the back of a jeep.

Thanksgiving meal with the video to say, 

what each had done a year that day.

Taking pictures of all, documenting our lives, 

after deviled eggs and dipping in the chives.

Later it snowed, and we went sledding

Pepper with dingleberries collecting.

That first kiss at the bottom of the hill

staggering to me, dumbfounding to you, 

with a dozen red roses, saying no more.

Bringing the Colonel's Kentucky Fried chicken

bearing along finding Parkway picnickin.

Hiking and biking, seeing wonderous sights

overlooking the river on Holcolm Rock,

or dreaming of flying from Hang Glider Point.

With friends as together, climbing devil's marbles;

we enjoy even spartan times like gathering fall's colors.

Seeing the world what a tremendous time, 

we drove through dusty hot plains

with white birds biting buffalo butts, 

and over tall, snowy-cold mountains,

stopping to see canyons over the next ridge

at every turnoff on America's Great Divide,

where dogs pee on your tire.

Wait, but there's more, than slipping

down Virginia's waterways, or bouncing on tubes,

the five of us in the rain standing with awe, God's great glimmers.

Then there were the midnight trips to Walmart;

four-star camping; access denied and 

playing cards with no bathroom door,

don't forget hiking solitare by the falls.

Cars come and cowfish go; Puddles too everyone knows.

Newness is like comforters,

shower curtains and starting your car;

like glasses seeing afresh.

Swiftly following a Ryder truck a new home makes,

maybe a pioneering pastor, or a free watch.

In the end, but before Judgement Day, 

Merging arguments and mysterious histories, 

will all go away, like learning to drive

getting smoother with time

like jeep-mud running down the drain.

Farcical Ike, partying with rest, 

wearing archaic lavish garb bobbing with the best;

did I mention the chips and dip?

You nurture me to gregarious games, and love to be out

so I brought you biscuits while you scout.

And with the Lovelady's, a night on the town, 

Denver presents, Brazilian abundance renown.

We even tried our hand at communal living,

sharing too many too few, the bathrooms.

The wind at our backs and our eyes upwards,

we lotioned, swam and sun-in (ed),

walked in the moonlight, stayed up late,

slept in, not a care of responsibility

landing barefoot or sipping Daquiri's

while eating out, Calabash style.

Those of some of my greatest memories

Thankyou.

A rose for your grace, cheese with your whine,

and a beloved, Kenny the Bear.

4 years

Today is the anniversary of Thayer's death.  Four years ago, on the evening of August 16th, our lives changed forever.  
This year, as with the previous years  I was bound and determined to avoid sitting at home and reliving that day in my mind.
Turns out that the memories are unavoidable.  My mind and body started to ache much earlier this week, in anticipation.   

The good news is that Thayer's best friend was in town with his entire family and we were privileged to give them a place to sleep and some running water for several days this week.  It was lovely to catch up with them, and I enjoyed sharing little remembrances of Thayer with people who knew him well.  I'm looking forward to seeing more of their fun family now that their two oldest boys are attending school in town.
 
Today, after a yummy breakfast out with our friends, the boys and I headed to the lake to meet some of my family.    I had planned for a day at the lake as this year's distraction of the day.  It was a beautiful day and we enjoyed the sun and water.   My Dad brought along balloons that my boys, and my niece and nephew, released in honor of Thayer.   
All in all, a great day. 

I was thankful for various friends and family who acknowledged this day and made a phone call, sent messages, and snail mail.   The sentiments are very much welcomed and I appreciate the thoughtfulness.    We are fortunate to have support and people to share in our milestones.
 

In all honesty,  I don't forsee that I will stay up late and wallow in grief of bad memories.    I have little flashbacks of that evening and get knots in my stomach when I remember having to make 'that phone call' to family and friends.   
But for now, I will choose to tuck them away for another day simply because I. am. beat.

goodnight.

lil' memories

I have a terrible memory. always have. When friends talk about past events, my favorite comment is: "Was I there?"
I seriously don't remember much of anything.
I get really tickled when little things trigger random memories.

Today, I had lunch with Thayer's best friend and his wife. The friend was talking about obtaining a license that would allow him to bring in extra income.
Then it hit me that he and Thayer had been planning this venture before Thayer died. Over two years ago, they had discussed these plans.... and they had even started working on another project together.
And of course, when Thayer died... so did my recollection of what he was planning. All of Thayer's thoughts and comments about their common goal had been lost.
I was very happy to hear that his friend has followed through with the initial plans.
All of that to say... that a simple conversation took me back a few years. I started to remember some of the things that Thayer was planning.
Not that it matters now. But it was nice to have a little flash into the past.

I also had a brief conversation with someone about lasik eye surgery tonight. Memories of Thayer's experience popped back in mind. How quickly I forgot that he had worn glasses when we met. I remember we had a young child (or children) when he decided to have the surgery.
(I'm curious to look back through pictures to see what year he actually had it done.)
He claimed that it was one of the best things he had ever done. He was thrilled with his new vision.
Even if he was only able to enjoy it for a few years....

I pulled out the box of old home videos tonight. I'm gearing myself, and the kids, up to watching them soon.
I was able to watch a small portion of video about 7 months after he died. And I remember watching our wedding video on (what would have been) our 10th anniversary. It was hard, tearful, but refreshing all at the same time.
Not sure what to expect when we get the home videos rolling this week.
I want to see him in action, and hear his voice.... and remember.