fun fact

I'm not sure if I have voiced this fact... but if you haven't heard...
I love my feather comforter. It is the best thing. ever.
and I love my feather pillow equally, if not more.
fantabulous sleeping.

The fun fact is this:
I came to the conclusion shortly after Thayer's death that he had been my pillow fluffer for the duration of our marriage.
(this was before my fascination with all things feather.) (but that's irrelevant)

At some point after he died, I realized that my pillow was flatter than usual. And I needed to fluff it.
I then recalled a night when I witnessed the pillow fluffing. And it occurred to me that he probably fluffed both pillows when he went to bed each night.
A little gesture that I never noticed or appreciated until after he was gone.

This isn't a sad thought to me... but just a neat little thought about all of the little things that spouses do, undetected.
sweet :)

how my mind works too...

Several days ago, I read this blog. I was impressed with how she explained the fluctuation of thoughts in such a simple moment. I know that everyone thinks alot, about alot of stuff. But I think that something has to be said for people who have suffered a severe loss and are learning to carry that loss with them into their new lives. I think that other widows would totally agree that our thoughts fly all over the place. And it happens ALL day long. That might explain why I seem so ditzy sometimes. ;)

I thought it would be fun to recap the thoughts I managed to have on my short ride home tonight from my sister's house.
Try to stay with me... i think it would be easy to get lost:

I pulled out of the driveway.
It's particularly bright tonight. Yep. It's a full moon. I remember the night that Thayer died. Full moons always remind me. I remember the time that I was driving home from a movie, and was super excited to tell Thayer about it.... until I remembered that he was dead. That sucked.
I get that sinking feeling and start to tear up.
I'd hate to cry and wreck my car in the process. I don't think I see that well at night and the tears might blur my vision. I miss him. I conjure up mental pictures of Thayer. How I miss his smile... and his hands, and his waist. Wish I could hug him.
I would like to hug (friend A), but that would be awkward for us both. I would just like a hug.
(acquantance B) is out of town.
My feet are cold. I remember warming my cold feet on Thayer's feet and legs. I'll need to take a hot bath tonight. I've started the ritual again. Every night, hot bath to warm my feet. Thayer used to do that too.
Can't wait to get under my feathers. I love my feather blanket and my new pillow. Ahhh... I'm going to sleep late tomorrow. I should blog. That was random. I should blog about how random I am. First... take a bath. Crap. I forgot to feed the cat his dinner. He'll be hungry. I'll Feed cat. Take a bath. Blog under my feathers. I love my feathers. :-)


(holy cow. I just realized that was the stupidest blog post I have ever written. I am completely random... and that other girl made alot more sense with her thoughts. Anywho. that's a typical few minutes in my head. And that says a little too much about how shallow I am. I feel really blonde) :)