social

The boys and I just finished watching Goosebumps .     Which is a movie based on R.L. Stine and his frightful characters that inhabit his kid friendly,  yet scary, books.
The movie was much more suspenseful than I had imagined to accompany a PG rating.   Overall I thought it was a fun film that probably should have gotten more publicity.
Anywho.  
Watching a story about a writer reminded me that I haven't written anything in quite a while.

The month of December I wallowed in introspection about my social life and grumbled to observe that I am the social director of my circle of friends.   If I don't plan it... it doesn't happen.    I teetered back and forth with agitation and loneliness and then gave in to the fact that..... as my friends later put it... I am the "sun".    Apparently everyone orbits around me.    Ha.
I can either fall apart under the weight of that responsibility, or I can become vain enough to realize that I am the center.
I laugh.

Through it all I've reevaluated some relationships and it's been a good process.

After an entire month of non-hosting and non-planning, and non-socializing, I jumped back in a few weeks ago.   It was a slow sunrise.  (hehehe)..... but I've decided that being a hermit doesn't suit me.

This week, we've been reveling in snow days, home from work and school.     I had two friends and their boys spend two nights at our house.    A snowed-in sleepover has kinda become our yearly tradition.    We have a blast, until we don't, and everyone goes home.     I really do love having company.
Today, when everyone left, my boys and I resumed our quiet routine of video gaming and Netflixing. It was a nice transition as we anticipate going back to reality later this week.

my confession

I have a confession to make.  And it has to be made quickly before word gets out that I'm a hypocrite.

Honesty is my forte.  So here goes:

I went to see Magic Mike XXL.

Most of you won't even bat an eye at that.  
But a handful of you.... you know the married friends who I questioned for seeing the first Magic Mike?  Remember those conversations about respecting your husbands, blah, blah, blah?

Well.  I think I still stand by those thoughts.  But I'll be a little less judgy.

First, I must be clear that I had zero interest in seeing this movie until one of my friends mentioned that a scene was filmed where we had vacationed at Myrtle Beach.  I figured that would be neat to see on screen.
So... when one of my single friends suggested that we go see the movie.... I tagged along.

I was hesitant... for fear that I would be uncomfortable.    But I put on my big girl pants and went just for the heck of it.

My review?... it sucked.

As far as movies go it lacked plot, decent acting, and  even basic cinematography.  It seemed low budget and lame.  And I didn't appreciate the foul language.

As some movie go-ers stated.... "we didn't come for a good story or good acting."
 touche.

But the thing is.... Channing Tatum is an excellent actor!   I have enjoyed all of his movies.   I'm pretty sure that if he was filmed reading from the dictionary for two hours  I would have been more entertained.
He was the only thing that carried this film.  (for obvious reasons)... but also due to less than a handful of witty lines and his charm.

The rest of the film was trash.

Here is what threw me for a loop:
I had gone in to the movie expecting to see male dancers shake their stuff on a stage.    I had no idea that the 'dancing' part of this film was solely acrobatics and simulating sexual positions with 'lucky' females pulled from a crowd.
I'm pretty sure I had a pained/ confused expression for most of the movie...because my forehead is still crinkled up.  

This movie was raunchy.


I was impressed with the physique of these guys and their strength.     I can't think of anyone in real life that can move like Channing Tatum.

And it's with that thought that I stick to my 'respect your husband' thing.
If I had seen the movie and then gone home to an average husband, would I not be thinking of how built Tatum is?   Would I not be wanting that kind of treatment at home?  
Would my focus shift, even slightly,  from the man that I chose to love and cherish?  
Just something to think about.

side note:  The whole thing with male dancers.... I don't get it.  
God created men to be stimulated visually.     But women are more emotional creatures.   right?
Sure... it's nice to see a man with a buff torso.... But those banana hammocks..... eww.      

I was more intrigued when he was fully dressed and moving furniture.
swoon.

limbo

The boys and I are coming away from SIX snow days off from school and one two hour delay.  
It's been fabulous.  Really fabulous.
Everything came to a STOP and there was no agenda.
It was a great taste of what summer may, or could, be about.   (How many days till summer break?)

We're back in business tomorrow.    Fun things ahead this week.
And the hint of another snowfall on Wednesday night makes me smile.

I've been thinking about Thayer this week.   A few events and conversations have brought him to mind, more than usual.   It's been bittersweet.    Good memories.  Yet still in disbelief that this year will mark seven years without him.    That's wild.  

I watched Cast Away with the boys the other night.   I'm pretty sure that Thayer and I had watched it together- way back when.   And I probably haven't seen it since then.    I knew the storyline and yet I cried through most of the ending.
 Really cried.
I felt especially torn when Tom Hanks' character returned home from the island after being gone for over four years.   His fiance and friends had "buried" him.... thought he was dead..... and moved forward.
 In only four years his fiance had been married and had a child.   She had started a completely new life.
It made me realize that Thayer has been gone for almost seven years and the kids and I, in some ways, have a completely new life.   But in other ways, I feel like we're stuck.

Yes, we are content.  And happy.  And ultimately the boys will grow up, move out and have their own lives.
But at this point I don't have any goals in life.   I feel like I'm kind of in limbo.
(and I really didn't start to think about this until I started typing.  I'm my own buzz kill)
What the heck am I going to do with my life?
I've got some ideas floating around in the back of my mind.  But nothing that I want to commit to at this point.

I guess that's not for me to figure out right now.

First things first.  
6:15am is going to come early tomorrow.
G'night!

snow day 4

I ventured into the sunlight today.    
We had been at home for over 72 hours.    That must have set a record for me!
Daniel had a follow-up appointment at the orthodontist at 3:55pm.   I don't think I've ever been so excited about an appointment!!
 -We went to the orthodontist.
 -We ran by the post office (yeah... what happened to the USPS this week?  I thought that nothing stopped the mail.  ??)  
-We ate dinner out.   This was a treat because we had eaten at home for 3 solid days.  haha.
-We grocery shopped at Wal-mart.
This was a big day!

Other than shoveling snow for 35 minutes on Tuesday I hadn't even been outside.  

How lame.
I noticed that other moms were playing with their kids in the snow.    Even moms with teens.    Or...my other conclusion is that they ran outside to take pictures of their kids and then retreated inside to post pictures on FB to make them seem motherly.

the token picture of my time outdoors.
thank you, Lisa, for capturing this rare moment

There wasn't really any part of me that wanted to chase my teenagers around outside in the teen temperatures.   They were doing pretty well without me.    So all is well.

Tomorrow will be my fifth day home from work.   And I have absolutely nothing to show for it!   I paid bills and organized my tax papers yesterday.    I ran a vacuum today.
How odd that I long to have time at home to clean and catch up on things around the house.   And I've had four days of doing..... I don't have a clue.

It has been nice to socialize with friends for a few days.   I suppose that the relational time will have more of a lasting impact than if I had decided to clean the toilets.  

Tanner is here for another sleepover.  We watched the Box Trolls movie, which actually turned out to be a lovely film with several nice little messages.

I had plans for tomorrow... but they dissipated.  Another free day and the world at our fingertips!
I'm not sure what we'll end up doing.  
 Maybe I'll finally get to those toilets.
I love snow days!

time flies

After our adventures of having Matthew in our home, our house became a
 "Bed and Make-your-own breakfast" destination.  
Our spring break was packed with overnight visitors.... dear friends who needed a place to stay and/or were just coming to visit.    We housed adults, a two year old, and an old dog.  
I LOVE having company! Yet my hostessing qualities are null at best.    
My overlapping guests found themselves entertaining each other over breakfast ...while I was still asleep!   We have THE best friends who were able to make themselves at home.  I love that.

Before I knew it, we were back to school and work with the realization that summer is just around the corner.   I have less than three weeks left at preschool.  And my boys will be home in early June.  I am ecstatic, to put it mildly.

The change in seasons and the anticipation of summer has revived many thoughts of Thayer.  
Don't misunderstand..... I DO think about him throughout the year... all of the time.
But it seems as though the warm weather, the yard work and the sunnier days bring Thayer to the forefront of my mind.

Today I watched my boys mow and trim the yard.   This will be the first year that both boys will cut the grass, unassisted.  
I am thrilled.  
 I was so proud to see Lucas handle a weed eater.
Boys and their machines.   They make it look so easy!
Thayer would be proud.

I took Daniel for a hair cut today.    His barber, Alison, mentioned that Daniel had grown, and that he looked like his Dad.   I was touched that she even remembered what Thayer looked like.    Her comment made my afternoon.


Tonight we watched The Book Thief.   All spoilers aside.... geez.
Let's just say that it got me thinking about the 'bigger picture'.    Lucas was upset that I even let him watch the movie.   I talked with him afterwards about how our lives are pretty much like books.   Each event shapes and molds us.   Some of us have longer books than others.   My prayer is that Lucas and Daniel have long books, with many chapters, and happy endings.    These first chapters are just a part of their story.

Time continues to fly by.   I need to slow down and enjoy the read.

joy today in: catching up

I know that I have boasted about my empty calendar squares as of late.   And I am finally figuring out how to best enjoy them!

Just this week, I started washing clothes every other day, instead of daily.  But then I realized that the kids either need more school pants... or I need to stick with the daily wash.    Washing is much more enjoyable than shopping... so I'll stick to it.

Last night I was in bed by 8:30.  Tucked in and ready to read Catching Fire!!    I have caught The Hunger Games fever and I was intent on reading a big chunk of book two last night.  
I was asleep by 8:45.
go figure.

so... I'm caught up on chores and sleep.  And I'm all caught up on making plans, paying bills, and various other time consumers.

This afternoon was the first afternoon in forever that I actually came home after work and sat on the couch!!  I watched Breaking Dawn, which was a Valentines gift to myself.
(I have a hunch that I'm going to like the Hunger Games a bit more.)

anywho.

I'm thrilled to announce that both of my boys have taken a quick interest in reading!!  We've been making weekly trips to the city library.
  Daniel was given a Young Bond book, at a school event,  a few months ago.   He finally got into it, and has checked out another in the series.  I'm glad that he has discovered the excitement of reading actual chapter books.  I had wondered if he would ever be a reader.
Lucas has also become quite the reader.  Yet he is satisfied with flying through simple books and is happily obsessed with the world of Geronimo Stilton.  I think these books are a few grade levels below him... but I'm just thrilled that he's reading!

Tonight... dinner of champions.   Nachos.
You would think that with all of this free time, I'd invest in cooking a real meal. 
nah.

Lord of the yawns

The boys watched Lord of The Rings for the first time tonight.

yawn.

I tried. I really tried.

The books are classics. The movies are favorites. Even my sister and brother-in-law like to fantasize that they are the characters ;)

I just can't get into it. I've only been able to pay attention for segments of the movies. I think I even slept through one of them.

Tonight was no different. I was giving it a try but then I realized that I would much rather look through my high school yearbook.

I noticed that my eyebrows were so big back then. (kelly! maybe I'm a vampire!)

anywho. the kids enjoyed the movie. It took L a while to go to sleep afterward. Hope I haven't scarred him for life. There was some pretty gory stuff going on.

yawn.

loner

Yesterday was my last free day of summer. I start work on monday. The kids were in school and I didn't have anything on the calendar. My first thought was that I should clean the house. But who wants to stay home and clean when the kids are gone and you're a free woman?!
I decided to hit a noon movie.



I am really drawn to this type of move... It was similar to my favorite, Under the Tuscan Sun.
I get so inspired by these stories.
I would LOVE to be brave enough to pack my bags and hit the road. I would love to travel and see the world. I would love to have a new start at things because I know that the sky is the limit. I want to really LIVE!

And yet I know that my kids are a priority right now. Taking off for an overseas adventure for a year looks like it won't fit in with their school schedule. And since I don't want to miss their childhood, I think I'll stay put for now.
But be aware that while I'm driving the kids to school and making my Walmart run, I'm most likely daydreaming about what the future may hold.

I have a near future plan about visiting Uganda. So we'll see what happens from there....