limbo

The boys and I are coming away from SIX snow days off from school and one two hour delay.  
It's been fabulous.  Really fabulous.
Everything came to a STOP and there was no agenda.
It was a great taste of what summer may, or could, be about.   (How many days till summer break?)

We're back in business tomorrow.    Fun things ahead this week.
And the hint of another snowfall on Wednesday night makes me smile.

I've been thinking about Thayer this week.   A few events and conversations have brought him to mind, more than usual.   It's been bittersweet.    Good memories.  Yet still in disbelief that this year will mark seven years without him.    That's wild.  

I watched Cast Away with the boys the other night.   I'm pretty sure that Thayer and I had watched it together- way back when.   And I probably haven't seen it since then.    I knew the storyline and yet I cried through most of the ending.
 Really cried.
I felt especially torn when Tom Hanks' character returned home from the island after being gone for over four years.   His fiance and friends had "buried" him.... thought he was dead..... and moved forward.
 In only four years his fiance had been married and had a child.   She had started a completely new life.
It made me realize that Thayer has been gone for almost seven years and the kids and I, in some ways, have a completely new life.   But in other ways, I feel like we're stuck.

Yes, we are content.  And happy.  And ultimately the boys will grow up, move out and have their own lives.
But at this point I don't have any goals in life.   I feel like I'm kind of in limbo.
(and I really didn't start to think about this until I started typing.  I'm my own buzz kill)
What the heck am I going to do with my life?
I've got some ideas floating around in the back of my mind.  But nothing that I want to commit to at this point.

I guess that's not for me to figure out right now.

First things first.  
6:15am is going to come early tomorrow.
G'night!