wrapping it up...

We made it through another holiday season.
Christmas activities seemed to go smoothly.
Even with my desire to keep things simple, we managed to attend several Christmas events and stay rather busy this month.

Christmas day was fine.
The boys were treated to legos, Wii games, the Loopz game, stocking stuffers from Santa, Bey Blades and books and other goodies from family members. I'd say that they made a pretty good haul.
We enjoyed a brunch with the extended family and dinner with more extended family.



We had a day or so of recovery before we headed to SC to see Thayer's family. We enjoyed a nice visit with Thayer's grandmother, aunt and uncle. The boys also had some play time with semi-distant cousins.
Before heading home, yesterday, their uncle had made plans for Daniel and Lucas to do some rock climbing. They enjoyed about two hours of climbing! I'm continually amazed at how much energy these guys have!




I made the decision to forgo the new years parties this year. We needed a regular ol' evening at home to regroup. This season has been fun.... but overwhelming at times.
The boys were in bed by 8:30 and I was cuddled up and watching Netflix movie by 9.
I just finished watching Touching The Void. It was intense!
(thanks Lois for recommending it!)

Sweet dreams and Happy New Year!

boys. continued...

so. of course I felt the need to show the boys that scene from It's a Wonderful Life.
and...
first thing this morning...
they are outside sledding on shovels.
I should have known.

boys

I love snow days. It's a forced day to stay home and do nothing.
The boys were anxious to get outside and play and do boy stuff.
I made a spur of the moment decision to declare that they were only allowed to play outside if they shoveled the driveway first.
I wasn't convinced that they could handle the snow shovel this year... but it was worth a shot.
To my excitement....
The boys headed outside and shoveled the driveway and sidewalk without any complaints or difficulties. What a fabulous thing to have children old enough to manage a snow shovel!
This day will be the first snow day in my adult life that I have not gone outside! It was fantabulous. :)

Last year we got mammoth amounts of snow and the kids were out in their galoshes and ragged gloves :(
This year, I prepared well in advance. Both boys have been fashioned with new boots, pants, coats and gloves.

These warm fuzzy snow essentials came in handy today while Daniel spent 6 consecutive hours outside.
Lucas came in for a movie and lunch break and then headed back out for some afternoon fun.
He came home shortly after departure, calm as a cucumber and states that he fell in the creek.
Me: "Really? how did that happen?"
Lucas: "it was icy. and ____ stood on it so I thought I could too. My pants puffed up when I fell in."
Me: "you were in THAT deep!?"
Lucas: "yeah. I could touch but Daniel had to pull me out with a stick."
Me: "yeah. and that's the way that kids drown!..."

I just kept thinking of the scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" when George saves his brother's life... but loses his hearing.
And I wondered if that movie was available for instant viewing on Netflix...

As I helped him undress... imagine brand new fuzzy lined snow boots FULL of creek water.
bummer. :(
Sure. I acted surprised and mumbled about their poor choice of activities. But I've learned to never be truly surprised by what boys do.

I like to think that I have done well with giving my boys some room to roam and explore in their boyness. I observed how Thayer did 'guy' stuff with them and I tell myself to give them that same courtesy. They've had the freedom to play guns, roam around, make forts and even pretend to play "Halo" in the yard. The boys insist that "it's okay because they are only killing aliens"
oh my.

I know a few moms who are aghast at my parenting style when it comes to playtime. But I have had to make a conscious choice to let my kids be boys. Being a single mom, I certainly don't want to stunt anything that will be preparing my kids to be men. I want them to explore and learn things that guys need to learn.
My rule has generally been that things are fine unless someone is bleeding or broken.

Don't get me wrong. I love my kids and want them to be safe.
I certainly don't want to see my kids bleeding or broken... but I expect it to happen at some point.
I'm keenly aware that common sense isn't something that usually accompanies boys on their missions.
I'm also aware that accidents will happen whether I am hovering over their every move or not.

I specifically took a shower and got dressed today... just in case we needed to make a trip to the emergency room.

got man?

I've got a friend at church who always says "Jill, we need to find you a man!"
What a marvelous idea!
But seriously, I've decided that a man is not what I need right now.

Right after Thayer died, I kept saying "surely God doesn't want me to be alone for the next 60 years...."
I was hopeful that He would send someone our way when the time was right.
(That may still be the case! And I certainly wouldn't turn down the opportunity!)
But I don't dwell on that hope too much these days.

For the most part, I am content being single. That contentment usually ebbs and flows. Because, like I've said.. it's lonely.
But overall I think I'm becoming more stable with being on my own.

The suckiest part has always been the fact that the boys don't have a dad around. I mourn the fact that they may have to grow up without a man in the house. That has been the hardest thing to accept since Thayer's death. I don't see the fairness in it... and I question how THAT could be part of God's plan.


I've had some 'learning experiences' over the past two years. Both of which I tried too hard to make things work.
I know that things will work without effort when the time is right.
I look back on each 'relationship' and can recall how silly I was. Just downright weird.
But I am quick to admit that each 'relationship' was helpful in it's own way.
I know just enough what NOT to do if the opportunity to date arises again.

Several people have suggested that I try online dating. My answer is consistently "NO". I know, without a doubt, that it would suck time and energy away from my kids and myself. Can you imagine the time wasted looking through profiles and whatever else is involved? I think it would be emotionally draining and a drastic mix-up of priorities.

More recently, I have wondered if there is a window of opportunity for widows to remarry before it is a lost cause. so... if I'm not remarried in ____ years I should reserve a room at the convent?

One widow blogger just announced her engagement. (and I'm happy for her!)
Another widow in town was married after 5 years.

One dude at church was remarried 4 months after his wife died. Another guy I knew was remarried within the first year.
(I have a verbal soapbox about these guys... you'll have to ask me about it sometime.) (hint... the guys tick me off... alot)

I guess that there is no way of knowing when, or if, remarriage is in the picture. Sure... it would be nice to know if I'll be traveling the world with a hubby when my kids are grown... or if I should start researching cat adoption.

anywho. I'm not losing any sleep over it.
As of today, I am perfectly content with sleeping smack dab in the middle of my bed.

good grief

As I've mentioned before, there are a gazillion blogs devoted to widows. I seem to run across a new one every few days. It's way to many to keep up with but there are a few that I follow on a regular basis.
It's interesting to see that the 'popular' bloggers have tons of 'followers'. And that these bloggers have become quite the celebrities in the widow world. There are blogs, facebook groups,facebook discussion groups, live online chats, guest bloggers, retreats, camps, etc. etc.
It's nice to know that technology is being used to connect so many people who would otherwise feel alone in their grief. These sites have been a good thing for a ton of people.

I'm starting to wonder if there is money to be made in widow support groups. :)

More so, I am noticing that many of these 'celebrity widows' are several years into their grief. Some may be 4 or 5 years out. Some are remarried.
This makes me realize that widowhood isn't something to outgrow or get-over.
These women still have genuine, raw thoughts about the death of their husbands.
They are able to blog about death and grieving in such a way that I, and other widows, can totally relate. It is helpful to see that other widows are just as crazy, or more crazy than myself. Many of the blogs are funny and salted with dark humor... that only widows would appreciate.

Sometimes I wonder if I blog too much about poor little me, the pitiful lonely widow. But I have decided that it's okay to share my thoughts. Certainly not for pity... but just to simply get it out there. out of my head. And maybe, just maybe, a few others can relate.

You guys know that I'm doing amazingly well. And that day to day, things are fine.
But deep down, I'm hurting. Who wouldn't be?
This time of year is especially lonely for me.

and...
...I have no idea how I intended to finish this post...


The end.
:)

Slugs and Bugs and Camels

A Slugs and Bugs Christmas.
I LOVE this CD!

I pre-ordered two copies specifically to give as gifts. (And I've ordered a copy for us as well). We received the 'gift' copies yesterday and I couldn't resist claiming one as my own.
I wasn't sure if my 8 and 10 year old would be interested (because several years have past since they first enjoyed the original Slugs and Bugs)... but they were totally captivated with this new release!
I am so excited!
No other Christmas CD can transiton so easily from traditional Christmas carols to complete and utter nonsense!
'It came upon a Midnight Clear' is so naturally followed by a Hot Dog Promo and a song about cooking mice.
I'm just all smiles from ear to ear!
I'm especially excited about 'The Camel Song'...which everybody loves... and 'Jesus Loves Me' with amazing new lyrics.
Randall Goodgame does an amazing job at pointing children straight to the heart of Jesus. And for that I am thankful.

But, I am also thankful for the genius of the the track arrangement! The first half of the CD is upbeat, dance worthy and exciting. And as the album progresses it becomes more mellow... until the kids are asleep on the couch. SERIOUSLY! Tonight, Lucas was initially doing some form of the river dance. He was INTO it. But by track 13 he was nestled on the couch with me... and Daniel put himself to bed! By the end of the 'Camel Song Conversation' Lucas was asleep!
A MAZ ING.
A wonderful arrangement of wonderful songs. wonderful artists. wonderful musicians.
Oh. Did I mention that Andrew Peterson is involved as well? And his kids? ;)

nice.

You must buy this CD for your kids! (unless your kid is named Tanner or John Austin... cause they are the lucky giftees) ;)

this week

The Jill of this week....

-is in hibernation mode.

-was able to take a brief nap on Monday (and afterward, at the skating place, had to ask a friend if the drool was visible on her shirt).

-had dinner served and lunches packed for tomorrow by 5:30pm tonight.

-was technically ready for bed around 6:30 but killed some time ****IRONING*** Daniel's uniform shirt.
(I know!! ridiculous!)

-has been looking forward to spending time with the boys each night.

-bought Christmas gifts for a group of volunteers who she forgot about last year.
nice.

-is done with all preparations of Christmas. and is ready for january.

Wake me in the spring :-)

warming up

I'm warming up to the idea of Christmas. I'm still not too happy about it, but I'm in the acceptance stage, i think.
I've even listened to a few Christmas songs. But I draw the line at "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas". That song is just... terribly sad.

I enjoyed the Andrew Peterson, Behold the Lamb of God, concert on Friday. That's always a great way to kick off the Christmas season. Being reminded of Jesus is important these days... in the midst of all of the commercialism. It was refreshing.

The first snowfall of the year appeared on Saturday, along with the city Christmas parade. We participated in the parade with D's drum and flag team. I think it was supposed to be a fun event. The jury is still out. Our group was number 60 in the procession. We arrived at 6pm to line up and didn't move in line until 7:20ish, i think. Standing out in the falling snow, and watching kids cry about their frozen fingers and toes. Not too high on the fun factor.
But once we got moving, everything was okay. :)

I'm hoping that's how Christmas will be this year. We're all prepared at our house, and waiting... and I'm hoping that once it gets going, we'll be okay.

I'm most excited about the break from school and work. only a few more weeks!

thanksgiving

I'm thankful for alot.

Wednesday, we had a much needed visit from some marvelous friends.

Yesterday, we slept late. The kids played around the neighborhood and then showed up to assemble the Christmas tree and decorate it. We had discussed skipping a tree this year... but they were in the mood... so I let them have at it.
We had a nice thanksgiving meal at my parent's house, a game of scrabble, followed by a trip to the movies to see Megamind. (Which I REALLY enjoyed!)
We also made an evening trip to Walmart to buy a space heater for our frigorific basement.
Good day, all around.

Today is our first day at home in FOR-EV-ER. My fairytale plan is to hang out around the house all day. Maybe force myself to put out some Christmas decor. Read a little.
But I'm secretly planning a trip to go roller skating if my kids will humor me.

The past few days have been great. But I notice an aching feeling that is hovering just below the surface. The holidays are bitter sweet. I'm enjoying special moments with the kids, but at the same time I take a deep breath as I think about how Thayer is supposed to be here for all of this.

The holiday music is draining. So I have made a "NON Christmas" CD for the car. Avoiding the Christmas music seems to be helping.

I'm currently reading Each Little Bird That Sings by Deborah Wiles. Just in case I didn't have enough stuff to depress me, I chose to read a book written for 8-12 year olds in which death is the main topic. It's about a little girl who lives in a funeral home...
interesting how I'm drawn to these things. Even more interesting how I'm pretty comfortable on a fourth grade reading level. too funny.
I only have a few more chapters to go and I'm hoping that the author will tie it up in a pretty package with a happy ending... but I'm not sure how she'll do it.

Kinda like life. Sometimes we can't see the happy ending, until the end...

ahhh... that was my deep thought for today :)

quilts

We are so blessed to have a family friend that was willing to make two twin size quilts with some of Thayer's clothes. We went to pick them up today and they are beautiful!


Each star is made from from Thayer's clothes.

I just had 'a moment' as I looked at, and ran my fingers over, each star and remembered each piece of clothing.
I know that the kids might not remember each item.... but for me, this is super special.
She gave each boy a little pillow. The pillowcases were made from Thayer's jeans :) too cute!

I am so thrilled that they will be able to use these quilts for years to come.
Thank you Mrs. Gallagher! The quilts are amazing!

lil' memories

I have a terrible memory. always have. When friends talk about past events, my favorite comment is: "Was I there?"
I seriously don't remember much of anything.
I get really tickled when little things trigger random memories.

Today, I had lunch with Thayer's best friend and his wife. The friend was talking about obtaining a license that would allow him to bring in extra income.
Then it hit me that he and Thayer had been planning this venture before Thayer died. Over two years ago, they had discussed these plans.... and they had even started working on another project together.
And of course, when Thayer died... so did my recollection of what he was planning. All of Thayer's thoughts and comments about their common goal had been lost.
I was very happy to hear that his friend has followed through with the initial plans.
All of that to say... that a simple conversation took me back a few years. I started to remember some of the things that Thayer was planning.
Not that it matters now. But it was nice to have a little flash into the past.

I also had a brief conversation with someone about lasik eye surgery tonight. Memories of Thayer's experience popped back in mind. How quickly I forgot that he had worn glasses when we met. I remember we had a young child (or children) when he decided to have the surgery.
(I'm curious to look back through pictures to see what year he actually had it done.)
He claimed that it was one of the best things he had ever done. He was thrilled with his new vision.
Even if he was only able to enjoy it for a few years....

I pulled out the box of old home videos tonight. I'm gearing myself, and the kids, up to watching them soon.
I was able to watch a small portion of video about 7 months after he died. And I remember watching our wedding video on (what would have been) our 10th anniversary. It was hard, tearful, but refreshing all at the same time.
Not sure what to expect when we get the home videos rolling this week.
I want to see him in action, and hear his voice.... and remember.

consider supporting this great organization!

dress code

alrighty. So. Uganda.

Less than three months away.

For the past month or so, I have been dealing with various emotions surrounding the fact that several of my family members do not support my decison to go. I have had to accept their concerns but ultimately move forward with my plans. I know that this trip will be a learning experience for me, as well as my entire family.

All of that said, I am super excited and I am ready to start thinking and planning for the trip. I'm sure that this is the first of many pre-trip posts :)

Uganda.
When I initially thought of Uganda, I thought about sleeping in a hut, covered in a mosquito net, having to pop a squat, and not showering for weeks.

Turns out that we will be staying here.

boy. my preconceived notions were wrong.

I found out today, from other team members that i will have access to wireless internet! And that I can shower! (two times a day!) And that the pizza is fantastic!
I should feel right at home :)

But... I also found out that I will need to wear "skirts and blouses".
What?!
This news was more shocking than the thought of not showering!
I haven't worn a skirt since highschool. I hate skirts. Skirts are so unflattering on me.
And so, I feel like a big baby. I'm ashamed that my vanity turned me so ugly today.
How shallow of me.

Luckily, another team member has lightened the blow to my vanity by reminding me that it's not a fashion show. And that she "has fun with it".
So... I'm heading to Goodwill this week to "have fun with it". I'm on a mission to find some skirts. Lots of skirts that I will be able to leave behind for the Ugandan women when I return to the states.
(I was excited to hear that most team members travel back to the states -with only the clothes on their backs. They give away all of their clothes and toiletries. That is super cool!)

I'm gonna 'have fun with it!'

late night ramblings

I was doing so well. I have been to bed by 10pm, or before, every night this week. I have decided to try at some new habits. My goal is to have laundry and all other chores completed before nightfall... so that I won't feel that OCD need to stay up late and finish it all.
But somehow, today, my plan was foiled.

Here I sit.... waiting on two loads of laundry to finish. I'm waiting to pack clothes so we can go and visit some of the most awesome people in the universe.

While I wait, I suppose I can entertain with some of my deep thoughts. :-) They are ALL over the place... so buckle up!

#1- I had Japanese food yesterday. (by myself. missed you melissa!) The fortune from my cookie said: "You are the master of every situation."
Yeah. mostly. never.
But wouldn't that have come in handy, several months ago, when I listened to an agnostic explain... very thoroughly...his UNbelief, while I sat in dumbfounded silence. It was a very challenging talk.
I am in the process of reading Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis. (for the first time. gasp!)
I'm only half way through. (Because it puts me to sleep each night). So far, I agree with Lewis' conclusions... but his evidence is exhausting. Last night,I read a section where he basically shames people like me for being so childlike in their faith. It was very convicting in the fact that I need to be growing spiritually... and not just wading around in the stuff that I was taught as a kid.
Good read.
And I'd like to thank my agnostic friend for challenging me :-)

#2-absolutely unrelated to #1:
Lately, I have found that I tear up every time I notice a father and his young kids, out in public. I guess not EVERY time... but every time I have the notion to really stop and watch.
Something has to be said for men and their young kids, especially father/son interactions. Dads are so cool and laid back...it's such a neat thing to observe.
I tend to flashback and think about Thayer and my boys. And think about how he's not here. And I think about how lucky the other kids are... and that they don't even know it. What I wouldn't give for my kids to have just one more outing with their Dad...

#3- completely and utterly unrelated to #1 and #2:
I ran into a girl that I knew in MIDDLE school the other night. She quickly recognized me and immediately said,(in a slightly accusing tone)"I sent you a friend request a few months ago... and you never replied."

(insert my dumbfounded look here)

She says, "you know, on Facebook?!"
I say, "oh yeah, I try not to be on there too much." (luckily, the lightening didn't strike)
we exchanged brief 'how's the weather' about our kids and said our goodbyes.
Now, really?
Was she truly upset that I hadn't 'friended' her on FB? Am I really friends with someone I haven't seen in almost 20 years? (woah. I'm getting old!)
And just in case you've 'friended' people like that...
November 17th is NUD day! (National Unfriend Day!)
Check this out! I love it :)

the age

I heard on the radio, yesterday, that the average age that most women try to "do it all" and balance a gazillion things is 33.
I can see that as being accurate to a point... since 33 year olds are typically in high gear with kids, work or family life.
And I know of other people my age who seem to be 'doing it all' for everyone. For their family, for the church, for friends, for the school, for the neighborhood, for the needy, for strangers, for charities, for random animals.

I, on the other hand, have weaned myself off of doing a gazillion things.
That isn't necessarily a good thing. But I'm content with my non-action right now.

I'd be first to admit that the death of a spouse certainly changes things on a 'to-do' list. Lots of crazy obsessions or OCD tendencies kinda get tossed aside when one's life is turned upside down. And the dream of becoming Ms. PTA instantly vaporizes when the reality of single parenting bulldozes into the home.
I know that some single parents keep the facade of 'doing it all' for everyone... but I know better. Somebody is suffering.
I'd rather not burn the candle at both ends... because my kids usually get burned along the way.

Don't get me wrong. My schedule is booked... pretty much all of the time. But... over the past few years, I have learned to say "no" rather easily. And I don't feel too much panic when something lies undone, or if errands are delayed, etc.

Haha. As I type this... I know that I NEED to put the clothes in the dryer TONIGHT or my morning routine will be shot! And, I realize that all of the dishes must be washed and put away before I go to bed each night.

um... so scratch the OCD statement above. :-)

whew. lost my train of thought.

regroup.

I guess what I'm trying to say... is that I don't feel guilty for my non-involvement these days. I am very fortunate to have some ME time built into my schedule... which never occurred in previous years.

I realize that I am very blessed to have the luxury of in-town family members who will watch my boys as needed.

(I know that other single moms who don't have this luxury.... so if you know someone like that.... volunteer to keep their kids!! It is SO important that they get a break!)

I can thank my family for two ladies nights each month AND for my Thursday night kick-boxing class. Those activities are a large part of what keeps me sane :) Along with all of the other random activities that get me out and about.

I'm hoping that as I pull myself back to sanity that I can slowly start to gain the initiative to reach out to others again. I'd like to see myself back in the school and involved at church... but I want to get myself straight first.
As of now... I'm content with my ME time and my sanity.
(even though some of you might doubt the 'sanity' part) :)

conclusion: don't include me on the list of 33 year olds that 'do-it all'.
Maybe when I'm older :)

Happy Halloween

Recovering from last night's pumpkin party. I took a serious nap this afternoon and am looking forward to some tricks and treats tonight.

I am so proud of my costume this year:













But apparently a twisted sense of humor is common among widows. Here's another gal who had the same idea!

I'm thrilled that I'm not the only one :-) And I think we are pretty cool!

oh what a night

ahhhh.... finally sitting down at 10pm.
At 5pm, I had great plans to put the kids to bed at a decent hour (which is supposed to be 8pm), make my favorite beverage and maybe even watch a sappy movie.

yeah. that was wishful thinking.

Instead, I got into a heavy debate with my oldest about his behavior in school today. He insists that what the substitute teacher perceived as rude... was actually him trying to "follow the rules" and be "honest". I am SO baffled by his reasoning... and I often don't know if he's lying, or if he actually has a twisted view of reality. I'm wondering if a return trip to the counselor in is our future. It's just absurd.

While the oldest was debating moral issues with me, the youngest was doing...
I don't know what he was doing. He has become quite the night owl. At about 9:45 he emerged from his room to show me his loose tooth which he had twisted completely around. He worked for the next few minutes to get it out. He's a persistent little dude. (and I must mention that he has been doing fantastic. It seems like my kids take turns with the crazy cup... and it's his week off.) :)

All the while, I keep thinking how nice it would be to have two parents here. How wonderful it would be to discuss the school incident with another level headed person. Someone else to try to pick Daniel's brain.
Instead, I unload my thoughts in an email to the teachers. Gee.... I'm sure that they'll appreciate getting that in the morning.
It would be great to have another male in the house who could talk the Boy language.
They are such interesting creatures.
and I'm at such a loss.

tomorrow is a new day....

widow's dictionary

This link was shared on Facebook today.
I got a kick out of it.
It's totally true. Especially for new widows. I wouldn't say these definitions are accurate for where I am now.
Well. probably not. maybe not. most days, not.

I'm usually happy to tell people that I'm pretty content these days.
I had rattled the "content" speech off to one of my widow friends several months ago. And then I had to go back and apologize to her... for lying. Turns out that a few days after our conversation... I cried and cried about being lonely.

It's up and down. That's the norm. That's how I'm doing.
But overall... okay. :)


(weird. random post. again. ;p)

how my mind works too...

Several days ago, I read this blog. I was impressed with how she explained the fluctuation of thoughts in such a simple moment. I know that everyone thinks alot, about alot of stuff. But I think that something has to be said for people who have suffered a severe loss and are learning to carry that loss with them into their new lives. I think that other widows would totally agree that our thoughts fly all over the place. And it happens ALL day long. That might explain why I seem so ditzy sometimes. ;)

I thought it would be fun to recap the thoughts I managed to have on my short ride home tonight from my sister's house.
Try to stay with me... i think it would be easy to get lost:

I pulled out of the driveway.
It's particularly bright tonight. Yep. It's a full moon. I remember the night that Thayer died. Full moons always remind me. I remember the time that I was driving home from a movie, and was super excited to tell Thayer about it.... until I remembered that he was dead. That sucked.
I get that sinking feeling and start to tear up.
I'd hate to cry and wreck my car in the process. I don't think I see that well at night and the tears might blur my vision. I miss him. I conjure up mental pictures of Thayer. How I miss his smile... and his hands, and his waist. Wish I could hug him.
I would like to hug (friend A), but that would be awkward for us both. I would just like a hug.
(acquantance B) is out of town.
My feet are cold. I remember warming my cold feet on Thayer's feet and legs. I'll need to take a hot bath tonight. I've started the ritual again. Every night, hot bath to warm my feet. Thayer used to do that too.
Can't wait to get under my feathers. I love my feather blanket and my new pillow. Ahhh... I'm going to sleep late tomorrow. I should blog. That was random. I should blog about how random I am. First... take a bath. Crap. I forgot to feed the cat his dinner. He'll be hungry. I'll Feed cat. Take a bath. Blog under my feathers. I love my feathers. :-)


(holy cow. I just realized that was the stupidest blog post I have ever written. I am completely random... and that other girl made alot more sense with her thoughts. Anywho. that's a typical few minutes in my head. And that says a little too much about how shallow I am. I feel really blonde) :)

uganda or bust

As many of you have heard, I will be traveling to Uganda with a group from Mission Link International early next year. I am super excited about this adventure and I'm curious to find out how God is going to work in and around me.

Even though this is a 'mission trip'... I'm technically not sure what my 'mission' will be.
The trip is a medical/evangelism/construction trip.
When another team member asked if I had a medical background... my reply was, "No, I'm a widow".
ha. Can I claim that as a skill?
I'm supposing that I can be the cute one who passes out pills or something :)
But no worries. I have been informed that I'll have PLENTY to do.
I'm hoping to get a feel for the Ugandan widows and catch onto the vision of Widows United.

I seriously wouldn't say that I have been "called" to do this. Because that term sounds so churchy :p
But I know that I have an amazing confidence in my decision to go. Something SO out of my box... yet I have complete peace and excitement about heading across the world. I can only accredit God for the anticipation that I feel. I feel that He has arranged this and planned for this all along...
(weird, and sad to think about, i know.)
Two years ago.. I would have never in a million years thought I'd be planning such a trip. Or even have such a desire.
This is just another step along my journey and I'm anxious to see what's next.

I had a revelation the other day. My sister didn't seem too impressed but I'll share it anyway :)
I remembered that there are several songs that have become my prayer over the last few years. They have stuck with me... and I have prayed for God to open my eyes to something bigger than myself.
It occurred to me that this Uganda trip might be one of his answers!
Guess we should be careful what we pray for :)