the little things

I think the reality of Thayer's death is slowly creeping in.
(Not smashing in as I anticipated it happening.)
I think I like the creeping way better.

Over the past weeks, I think I have been treating his death sort of in a third person view. Not intentionally... but I think that's how God designed us to cope through the beginning stages.
So much business associated with it all. So much to do and say. Many days, I am removed from my situation just by living life.
As you know, night time is my time to think.
I often find myself so busy during the day that I have to stop and remind myself, "yes, my husband is dead". Each time, it's like hearing it for the first time. But maybe a little more believeable each time.
Yes, I know he's not coming back. And we are dealing appropriately but I often have to remind myself that this is MY situation and not just something I am reading or watching. This is really MY reality.

So I am thankful that my reality is slowly occuring to me. It gives me time to process things each day.

Now that things are "slowing down", I am starting to notice many "little things" of significance to me:
-I have had to change three light bulbs this week.

-I have had to fold our queen sheets. He always folded them so well because he was tall and had long arms :-)

-I have come to the conclusion that I am responsible for getting things repaired. home and car.(Thank God for "handy" friends!!)

-The cat, who rarely goes outside, ran outside tonight. And I had to bribe him inside with cat treats... he used to come instantly when Thayer called. go figure.

-We ate at Chic Fil A tonight. It was one of the most "empty" meals I've ever eaten there. We always ate there with Thayer. (We had picked him up from work and eaten there just a few days before he died). It was one of our favorite lunch spots. We would take the kids, eat, and then enjoy some "date" time while the kids played in the play area. :-)

-Thayer's bathroom is dirty from lack of use. (This baffles me).

-I stay up WAY too late at night because he isn't here to make me go to bed. hmmm... I gotta blame somebody ;)

And tonight as I remember 8 years ago... I was in Labor with D for over 20 hours. Only Thayer would remember that he stood up and held me... all of my weight, as I leaned against him during every contraction. He was a man of steel. I think that he was more sore than I was after the delivery.
Gotta love that man:-)
My first baby will be 8 tomorrow. That's amazing.
I am so thankful that God blessed me with these two beautiful pieces of Thayer.