9 weeks

We have had a great saturday. My friend,L, and my boys went with me to C-ville last night so we could wake up early to participate in a 5K walk with "my people" (as I have affectionately been calling them).
It was a blessing to spend some time with "my people". I LOVE you guys!! There is no way to verbalize how important you are to me.... you're such an encouraging group of friends.

After our quick trip to C-ville, the boys and I had some down time this afternoon before heading to our church Fall Festival. We enjoyed some time with family, with friends, with food, and songs around the bonfire. It was a relaxing fall evening.

Then, back to my reality.
It is Saturday.
During many of our fun moments, I am reminded that Thayer isn't here to share in the excitement. I mention this to the boys alot... reminding them that their Daddy would have liked 'this' or 'that'. He would have especially liked the bonfire tonight...

Thinking back upon my recent experiences, I am reminded of the first moment that I felt truly "alone".
Don't get me wrong... I KNOW that I am not alone in this.... I have so much support from family and friends and I am very grateful!! And I have been having a blast lately!

I mean "alone" in a singular form... if that makes any sense. hahahaha Oh my goodness.
(who says I'm a good writer?!)

whew. anywho, here is my story:
I vividly remember driving to the funeral home with my parents for the first time after Thayer died. The car ride was a complete haze as I looked out the window and the world was zooming by.
When we arrived I got out of the car and proceeded to the front door.
At that moment a suddenness and realization hit me. As I approached the door, no one was beside me. No hand to hold. It was very much a maiden voyage into an important place without my partner. Half of me was missing.
That feeling comes back during many events. As if I plan to look next to me and see him there. Where he should be.
I am surrounded by people, I am having fun...
but still remembering Thayer is not beside me.