I am wondering if I have come out of my fog yet...
I am realizing that things are still feeling very surreal for me. I am still reminding myself, in my quiet moments, that Thayer is dead.
I have tried to think back on the first few days and weeks following Thayer's death. I can remember snippets of events but I feel like I was just floating through the motions through all of the chaos. Now that things are slowing down, I still feel a bit of disconnect with things going on around me.
When Thayer died, I thought I was thinking clearly about things...I would like to know if I seemed totally loopy to everyone else. please let me know.
Now, when I should be thinking more clearly, I think that I'm still in a state of confusion.
I'm not sure why I'm debating my sanity over my blog. But I guess you guys would tell me if I am going nuts, right?!
haha
on a brighter note. I ran across this quote tonight...
I have learned to love the darkness of sorrow, for it is there I see the brightness of God's face.
Madame Guyon
Even though I struggle with my questionable moments I can gladly say that I have seen God's brightness through it all. I am so thankful that He has shown Himself to me in countless ways through this tragedy. God has been the ONE thing that I continue to see clearly.
Praise God!
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every day things, recent thoughts, rare ponderings
About Me
- Jill
- I was suddenly widowed in 2008 and was a solo parent to my two boys for nearly 9 years. I was remarried to my husband, Greg, in 2017. It's safe to say that the past years have been quite a journey for our family. It has been a blessing to see how God has written our story and been our provider.
the day of 8/16/08
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5 comments:
Jill,
You should not be debating your sanity! You are one of the most "sane" people that I have meet. I think that the majority of people in your situation would not at all be handling it as well as you are, because they are not where you are with the Lord. You are a true testament of walking with God. He is helping you through this, and your walk with Him has made you an incredibly strong person. You, as always, are such an inspriation to us all. Blessings, Kelly
what an amazing little find, that quote. I love it, we should all post it :)
I'm going to ditto what Kelly said. You are one of the most sane people I know! =)
I haven't seen you in weeks but through email and blogging you appear to be full of grace and peace.
I would imagine it's quite typical to feel like you are in a fog right now. . .your life has been turned upside down.
You are doing a great job mama. I think about you every day.
Love,
C
hey there friend, not sure if i have anything different to say from the previous girls but just wanted to encourage you as well. you definitely do not need to be questioning your sanity. i think you are doing amazing with all that you've been dealt with.
you are an amazing testimony to our lord. i'm so thankful that God continues to bless you with glimpses of Him & His love for you/us. we tend to take those glimpses for granted and you have reminded me to recognize Him in ALL.
you are a wonderful mommy and again, i'm thankful you are my friend.
so glad to hear about last night. i'm sorry we didn't make it. our small group did pray for you and the skamfam continues to as well.
love you jill!
rs
Jill, As you now know, I've been in a similar fog. My Dad's Bday is coming up this Sunday, and my Mom and I were talking tonight about everything. She is always telling me or asking me if she was loopy or out of it during those wks. She can't remember. But to be honest, I don't remember a lot of it myself. I remember my FEELINGS, but don't remember about the goings on around me. Feelings are a HUGE reminder for me. My Mom was drugged. A LOT. I do remember she was a complete mess after Dad passed.
So I say all this to tell you you are completely normal under the circumstances. To me, you are one of the strongest people I have ever known. And I mean that from the bottom of my heart. You are being so strong for your boys. I believe Thayer is looking down and smiling on you. He has to be so proud of you!
I think I've said this before, and if I haven't than I'll say it now, YOU are a true gift from God! A real Blessing to know!
Give your boys extra squeezes!!!
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