I am starting to get thoughts like "WHY did Thayer leave me here with these kids?!?!?!?!"
I know that things will get better and that most horrible moments with the boys are due to my slack parenting these days. And I also know that I will get better along the way. So overall, all hope is not lost but I certainly have many moments when I wonder how I will get through this season of life.
L was a complete, honest to goodness, obnoxious, horrible, disrepectful punk tonight at Kids Haven. The kid couldn't sit still at dinner, he was bouncing around like a mouse on cocaine. He had no notion to listening to me or hearing my voice. By the end of the night, he had been spanked twice and I was at a loss of what to do. I just get so frustrated.
I attribute part of the problem to his lack of sleep. Not only does he stay up late on his own (since thayer's death) but this weekend was packed with late night activities. So I suppose I reap what I sow.
To combat this problem I started a new policy tonight. We will now have "lights out" at bedtime.
Both boys used to have little table type lamps that they left on when they went to bed. I have recently noticed that L takes so long to get to sleep because he ultimately hangs around and tinkers with things in his room.
Being the smart mom that I know I can be.... I removed all lamps from his room tonight.
My next thought was that he would just turn on the ceiling light and proceed to play BUT I had prepared myself to remove each lightbulb from the ceiling fixture if it came down to that.
Luckily, he screamed about not having lights but he INSTANTLY fell asleep!!! Thank God for small favors!
Please pray that we can ALL get on normal sleeping patterns soon. Our schedule has been whacked for weeks and I don't want the abnormal to become normal. I just want us to find a "new normal" that works for us.
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2 comments:
I know that being a single mom now is challenging but I think you are doing a great job and you are a wonderful mother. You and the kids will get back in a routine soon. It just takes time. Even with Nicholas now I cry when I just can't take anymore...so it's alright to do that too. Even at school when those children have driven me crazy I go to one of the corners of the room and just pray that I will get through the day. I am still praying for you and the boys and Thayer is watching you all and thinking....wow Jill is such a great mom...She is an amazing person!!!Take care!
Things WILL get better. It may take some time and some effort but it WILL get better. You are feeling lost and so are your boys. They don't know how to go about life either and L is just trying to figure out HOW. He is probably acting out also because he doesn't know HOW to let anyone know how he is feeling. I don't even know if that makes sense. I just remember when my Dad passed, I rebelled in my own way. I was 16 at the time so you can imagine. Although I wasn't THAT rebelious, I know I gave my Mom a run for her money. So I can't imagine how L is feeling right now. Maybe some one on one Mommy and Son time? I wish I could have had that with my Mom. I think it would have helped to be able to tell my Mom exactly what I was feeling when I was feeling it. I think it would have helped on both our sides instead of us being at eachothers throats 24/7.
I hope I didn't step out of line with this. I know it's hard for both you and the boys. If you ever want to email me or chat, Bethany or Sherry or Cherie have my email addy.
Please know that I continue to pray for you ALL the time.
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