*I was pretty sure that I wasn't going to blog tonight. Pretty sure that I didn't have anything to share.
Then I felt that I NEED to do this...I need to write about whatever is on my mind. This blogging process has replaced the rough journal that I scribbled into immediately following Thayer's death. This blogging thing has become a real source of 'Thayer'apy for me. :-)
*(I used to call cleaning my 'thayer'apy.... whenever I was ticked off with Thayer... the house would sparkle) hehe
*anywho. I haven't focused too much on memories of Thayer today and I'm often fearful that I'm forgetting.
I honestly don't think I've had much time to 'remember' lately. I hope many memories will come back to me as I have more quiet time.
I did picture him, well, one time today. I could see him coming through the kitchen door in his riding suit and big helmet. His sunglasses shining. The smell of exhaust.
I just wish I could have another whiff of that dirty old smell again.
*I have thought a bit today about the 'benefit concert' scheduled for October 12th. I just don't know what to make of it.
I really don't know what to make of all of the attention that we have received since Thayer's death. Much of it has been hard to accept. I am amazed at how kind and generous people have been. But at the same time, our little family is not used to being in the spotlight.
I suddenly feel like a wallflower who has been unexpectedly asked to dance.
"Who me?? Are you talking to me? I've been standing over here all this time... I've been content to stand here and drink punch..." and all of a sudden, I'm under the disco ball with a crowd of people around.
Okay, probably not to that extent... but that's the only way I can begin to describe the weirdness of it all.
I am truly appreciative of everthing that folks are doing for us. I'm often speechless as I contemplate the Body of Christ. God continues to use all of you to speak directly to me. In His own way, He's asking me to dance... how can I turn down the coolest guy in the universe??
So...all of that completely weird story to say:
Thanks to everyone for EVERYTHING! I am so amazed. I have been ministered to in countless ways and I am very thankful!
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8 comments:
I wish you could see the smile that you brought across my face reading your bit of "thayer'apy". i had forgotten that's what you called housework. I have thought about Thayer today b/w Thad's most recent pictures, our boys' questions & prayers and just thinking about you . . . I'm praying for you my sweet friend. love,rs
Dont worry about forgetting about memories of Thayer, he will live in you heart forever. Different things will come up and evoke a memory you may thought you forgot about. The other day I had an orange cream shake at Arby's, and it made me remember sitting at the kitchen table with my granddad having that same ice cream, a memory I had not thought about in over 10 years!
As always Jill your faith and strength has been so amazing through all of this and is such a wonderful testimony! Sit back and enjoy all the gifts God is sending your way!
Love ya, Cathy
My personal favorite Thayer memory occurred when Erza was born in May '97. Joe was out delivering papers and Thad & Thayer went tearing out to find him and tell him to GET HOME because I was having a baby! Well, Joe missed the birth, and shortly after, all 3 guys came piling into my house where I was laying there wearing basically a towel, with a fresh baby boy on me. Thayer was totally single at the time, but he had no squeamishness at all about what was going on. He was fascinated with the umbilical cord and asked me if he could feel it! I said sure, what the heck, it's my third kid. I recall him reaching over and squeezing it between his finger and thumb, and how his thumbnail was dark with mechanics grease. That always makes me smile to think about.
Love, Melissa
Again, your faith is humbling. I am so glad that you share so much with us and to echo what Cathy said, you will never forget Thayer. There will be times when you are doing something mundane, like watching The Office, and you will remember the special time that you and Thayer shared when the commercials were muted. Those are awesome memories that are buried deep within the love in that big ole heart of yours. I am thankful to have known Thayer and I am thankful he meant so much to you and to so many people. His memory will live on forever.
Jill,
I love you special words - it reminds me of mexitalyasian (hope I spelled it right) !
Love,
Kelly
the cnorrect spelling would be
"mexitaliasian"...
for those curious...
mexitaliasian is a section in a notebook where I store recipes for all mexican, italian or asian dishes.
makes sense, right?! :-)
Jill, don't ever worry about forgetting. It won't happen. Yesterday it was storming here. Pretty good storm too. A memory of my Dad standing out in our front yard, with no shirt on, just letting the rain bounce off him popped into my head. I often stand in the rain(WITH a shirt on of course :)) and think of him. He was a lot like Thayer to tell you the truth. Loved to mess with vehicles, go camping, and he was oh so patient. I miss him horribly and sometimes I cry just thinking about him. My Dad's smell was often sweat, smoke, oil and dirt. More earthy I guess.
So, no, you will NEVER forget. To be honest with you, I've had more memories about him since Thayer's death. It's bitter sweet I think.
Always know you are in my prayers every day.
btw-I do the same thing when I'm upset too. Nay always knows when I'm mad cause the house is spotless! :)
I too think the smells are what I'd miss the most, or when I smelled the smell it all rushes back to me...
You are truly truly an inspiration beyond words. I'm comforted and moved to pray more for you and your family by your words, thank you for sharing REALNESS with us all. And this is journal for you...you can have your blog put to a book if you are ever interested :)
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