I have always proclaimed that God is in charge, that He loves us, that He takes care of us, that He sent his only Son to save us.... that God has a perfect infallible plan, that He wins... always.
We often hear of life shattering instances that occur, when people have to choose to hold fast to their faith... or falter.
I have always wondered how I would really react if something unimaginable happened to me.
Initially when the troopers came to tell me of Thayer's death I could hardly comprehend what was being said. No way was this happening to me... not my life.... this isn't supposed to happen.
Then the thought of having to tell the boys was unimaginable.
I spilled out the news to the kids and cried.
At that moment, I remember thinking...
"this is it... this is when I choose".
I am happy to say that I had NO DOUBT who my strength would come from. At that moment, I was confident that God was in charge. Of course I was devastated, heartbroken, shattered, dazed and confused... and of course I had no idea WHY this was happening. But as I soaked in the unexpected, I had some hope that there was a bigger plan involved.
It may be years before I can see a fuller picture... or I may not know until I see God face to face.
But I am confident that God is in charge and that His plan is perfect.
I know I don't verbalize these facts as much as I should. And I'm not sure if anyone saw these thoughts in action after Thayer's death... (because of that numbing fog that enveloped me)....
but my heart held tight to the God that conquers death.
And I continue to hold tight to His promises.
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
every day things, recent thoughts, rare ponderings
About Me
- Jill
- I was suddenly widowed in 2008 and was a solo parent to my two boys for nearly 9 years. I was remarried to my husband, Greg, in 2017. It's safe to say that the past years have been quite a journey for our family. It has been a blessing to see how God has written our story and been our provider.
5 comments:
You do not have to verbalize those facts, it was very evident in your actions! I know I have told you before what an inspiration you were to me as far as my own faith just by watching you deal and still deal with the unimaginable.
Cathy
Believe me, your deep and unyielding faith was evident and subsequently, it helped all of us that surrounded you in days following Thayer's death. I often think about your train metaphor and smile at that little nugget of wisdom because that too helped all of us feel better about falling a part from time to time. You are so strong. I am blessed to know you.
Jill,
Awesome comment. It is not often (and thank you Jesus it's not!)that you come to a place in life where you can only make 1 of 2 choices. Either to take God at his word (Jer.29:11,Romans 8:28)that he is in control,and that despite what we see, He loves us:or decide that God is not real and you are a victim of a completely random act that was out of God's control, and therefore hope is lost! You faced it and made the decision to trust God. Thayer is very proud of you for this. I say "is" because I am sure that he already sees the future, and the future impact that his life is going to have, and a large part of that is how you have decided to handle it and walk in faith. Your rewards are great-girl! I equate your decision with those soldiers put in the middle of a fierce battle (and no, I didn't think of this analogy just because it was veterans day yesterday-ok, I'm a cop but I still have half of a brain-thank you very much.)But seriously, like a soldier in the middle of combat that can see the battle has already devasted him, his fellow soldiers, but decides to fight on anyway and fulfill his (her) calling,....survives, and is going to be rewarded in this life (honored for bravery)and the life to come (Well done good and faithful servant!)
BTW if that was a lame analogy, can you email me personally, and not embarass me in front of everyone, thanks- John
hehe.
Jill,
First off, I was REALLY good to see you the other day! You look wonderful! I do hope there is some time when we can get together over some coffee and talk more.
Secondly, I agree with everyone else when they said you showed such faith in God's Love. I often wonder what I was like. I KNOW my Mom was a mess and I had to not only take care of her but the family that came in from NY. I do also remember asking God why he would do something like this to me. My life stunk so bad! I don't think I had as much Faith in God as you do though. I did question him. I will tell you my story about my questions sometime. They were answered, and I have NO doubt about my Faith in God now. I'm quite ashamed I ever did to be honest. *sigh*
You are an inspiration to so many. Your boys are going to look back when they are older and be so proud.
Post a Comment