Christmas

Christmas Eve....
I sat and watched "The Christmas Shoes" on Lifetime.
Mistake.

I was pretty much okay until I gathered things and started to fill stockings. Then it really hit me that I was alone... filling stockings and watching Christmas movies. Really alone. My mind flooded with memories of past Christmases. And I pretty much lost it.
After the stockings were stuffed I sat in my floor by the Christmas tree and wept. I questioned God and questioned His plan for me and the kids. Why us? why now?
I think it was good for me to get out some of that frustration. I cried until the tears burned my cheeks and then I crawled into bed with my tissues.

Christmas day...
I heard the kids at 5am and successfully ignored them until they came to wake me at 6am. They granted me 9 more minutes of sleep before they insisted that I get out of bed to see the bounty from their stockings.
I handled the morning quite well until I realized that L's new Nerf gun needed batteries. and the little screwdriver I had was too little.
I cried.
Where was Thayer when I needed a man around? And where would Thayer have kept another screwdriver? I was a little defeated.
But, I was certain that Uncle Jim could save the day... so we saved the batteries for later. (Thank goodness for the men in my family!)

We had a nice "brunch" with my family. S and J gave us an amazing personalized Christmas ornament with our family pic on it. I was taken aback. What a lovely keepsake!

I think the best part of my day was the THREE hour nap that I took this afternoon. I really needed it. I suppose this Christmas has taken it's toll on me.

We proceeded to my aunt and uncle's house for Christmas dinner. We successfully stuffed ourselves silly and enjoyed seeing our family.
I can remember how much Thayer looked forward to that Christmas dinner each year. It was a bit odd not having him there with a huge plate full of meat and veggies. But overall the evening was lovely. We even enjoyed a bit of store-bought cheescake. (thanks Casey! haha)

So...if you were wondering... I have made it through my first Christmas without Thayer. It wasn't as easy as I had thought... but it wasn't as bad as other people had warned.
It just was.