Memories of Dad

Thinking back over memories of my Dad…. one word came to mind.   CARE.

Dad had such a heart for others.  Always caring, always looking out for those he loved.

I don’t have many early memories of Dad other than him working hard in the yard.  Occasionally setting up the sprinkler for us to run through in the summertime.   

I remember day trips to the Peaks of Otter.  Picking up fried chicken on the way to a picnic beside Otter Creek.   Shelley and Sherry reminded me recently about how Dad carried me on his shoulders while we hiked Sharp Top as a family.   And believe it or not, I have a visual memory of being carried on his shoulders through the woods.  What a good Dad.

He was always cutting grass and doing yard work for other people.    Realizing later in my life, that he was so busy with those side jobs to provide for his family.  Raising three girls in that small house, at 718 Crestwood Circle…. We always joke about how in the world he survived in that house with four females and only one bathroom!
It seemed that there was always a house project happening.  Most likely just normal home maintenance.  He constructed extra bedrooms in the basement for Shelley and Sherry.  I remember him building a new deck. He was handy.  He had to be.

Dad cared for our neighbors, except for those huge great danes next door.  I remember him arguing with our neighbor,Gladys, over the dogs.   There was probably a lot more to the story, but my memories just include Dad building a wooden fence to separate our yard from the chain link fence and those huge dogs that barked and jumped, as high as the fence, whenever we played outside.

I didn’t realize it until I was older, but Dad stepped in as a father figure to our neighbor, Darrell.   He taught Darrell about lawn care and took Darrell under his wing, of sorts. I don’t know the extent of what wisdom Dad imparted on Darrell, but I assume just handyman guy stuff.   Darrell was always showing up to see “Mac”.  Even as Dad got older, Darrell would stop in for visits.   

We were so fortunate to have my Papa and Froggie living on our street.   Dad loved them and it was such a blessing that we lived close enough for Dad to help them out as they aged.  I remember family gatherings at Froggie’s house, and Dad just smiling so big and enjoying the family time.  I remember Froggie giving him a cold beer to drink after cutting her grass or helping around the house.

Dad cared deeply for his family and his elders.  As a kid I remember going with him to visit Ruth and Massie.    And especially when Ruth was living on her own, with caregivers, I feel like Dad looked out for her.    He also looked out for the sisters on New Hampshire Ave, (I think it was Gladys and Margaret) who I assume he started cutting grass for… but it morphed into him helping them out around the house, and just checking in on them.  Later on I remember him talking about visiting Big Mac and Dot.  Keeping in touch with the elder family members was important to him.

Coming from a family of Malcolms, I understand he was called Pee Wee.   Years ago, I mentioned to Dad that I had told my friend, Jamie, that his nickname was “Pee Wee”. He quickly and adamantly said, “NOT TO JAMIE WOOLDRIDGE.”   Jamie and I will still laugh about that.

Dad LOVED his siblings and extended family.   Those family Ocean Isle trips were a HUGE deal to him.   And the yearly Christmas gatherings.   I can remember that huge smile he would get talking to his siblings…. And how he would stand with his hands clasped behind his back, smiling and watching the family.   He was so sweet. 

Remembering those family beach trips…Our immediate family continued the tradition over the years.  Getting to the beach with the family was so important to him.  One year, his Mercury Grand Marquis broke down on the way to Ocean Isle, and in a pinch for transportation, Dad called a taxi!  He, Mom and Shelley transferred all of their luggage and beach supplies, and took a three and a half hour taxi ride to get to the beach house.  They invited the taxi driver to stay for a spaghetti dinner before heading back.  

Dad had great empathy for kids who had lost fathers.
When my friend Sabrina’s Dad died, she was only 12 years old.  She still remembers my Dad hugging her at the funeral and how he always had concern and care for her over the years….. Even sending diapers to her, after her daughter was born.  

Dad cared deeply for my widowed friend, Lyn and her two boys.   He and mom were happy to have them join in for several of our Thanksgiving dinners.  

Dad was always ready to step in and help people.   My friend, Sandra has memories of Dad, in his trademark sweater, greeting everyone on the aisle before church service, and making sure everyone was comfortable in their seats. 
Dad saw needs and met them to the best of his ability.   One time, even giving his car to a family in need. 
Dad and mom were both so generous to us girls, sacrificing much to help us out as we grew up and had families of our own.   They gave us our first cars and helped us financially when life didn’t go as planned.   And I don’t really remember having to buy diapers for my boys.  Dad and mom would show up with diapers in tow whenever they visited. 

Dad was always first in line to help out when I moved houses.  He was ready to paint, hang things, or do whatever was needed to help us get settled in.  He was also the first person I would call when I was having technical issues, with anything, after Thayer died.  He would drop everything, show up, fix broken things or solve house problems.  He was eager to help after Greg and I purchased our current house.  He helped Greg paint our garage.

Let’s skip ahead to Dad and Anthony.  What a duo.   From what I understand, Dad kept seeing their neighbor, walking to church on Sundays…. So he stopped to give him a ride.   Thus began a many year friendship between the two.    Anthony is on fire for the Lord!    I think he and Dad had lots of conversations, I assume about faith, life, and everyday things.   Anthony helped out mom and dad as Dad started declining, and he was faithful to visit Dad in the nursing home, right up to the end.   Anthony has become part of the family, continuing to help Mom with the yard and keeping an eye out for her.

Dare I say that Dad’s greatest calling in life was that of “Papa”?   He lived for his grandkids.

When Thayer died in 2008, Dad stepped up in HUGE ways for my boys.   Daniel and Lucas were so fortunate to have a Papa so close-by who would do anything for those kids.   He spent countless hours with the boys.    They played hard, fished, worked in the yard, took trips to the gem mine, did metal detecting, shot bb guns, and built all kinds of things, including the famous bridge over the creek.    Dad was SO proud of my boys.    He loved all of his grandchildren with a fierce love.   He was so patient to sit and play whatever the kids wanted to play for hours on end.   There are no words to express how much I appreciate the love and influence Dad shared with my boys.  Dad and Mom were so instrumental in loving my boys and helping me as we journeyed through life without Thayer. 

Dad was also human. His care for others may have taken his attention away from home at times.   And oftentimes I know mom must have felt overlooked.   But… if anything Dad was fiercely loyal to Mom   No matter how their relationship was day to day, when it came down to it, Dad was committed.   When mom was in the hospital, on several occasions, Dad was there EVERY day, from morning to night.  He would not leave her side.  His loyalty and commitment through almost 59 years of marriage was how he showed his love for mom.  For better or worse.

Dad loved animals.  The sacred cat cemetery in the yard was testament of how much he loved cats.  Puddles, Kit Kat, the kittens who were victims of Laxton Road, and the 23 year old cat, Little Girl (who belonged to his good friend, Floyd) are the ones I know about in the cemetery…. But there may be more.
Dad and mom fed the wild birds for as long as I can remember.  Dad always had a bird book on hand and seemed to know all about the local birds.   I considered him an expert on local animals.    I have a vivid memory of when a huge black snake startled me in my shed. I called Dad in utter panic.  He showed up, cool as a cucumber, picked up the snake and casually took it back into the woods.   

Was he afraid of anything?

Actually…. Dad was a worrier.   He worried to the extreme about his loved ones.   Even though he was a man of faith, he had seen enough of the world to be cautious.   Mom told us as adults that if it was up to Dad that we wouldn’t have been allowed to be involved in extracurricular activities as children.   He was so protective.    

Dad’s catch phrases were “be careful” and “lock your doors”.   He would say that every time we parted ways.   What he really meant was “I love you”.  
We never doubted his love for us.  

Dad was our biggest cheerleader.

He was the best Dad.

He was the best Papa.

I am so thankful for our time with him.    And having faith in Jesus, we will see him again.

In loving memory of
Malcolm Gowell   11/28/1945-10/11/2025

the scratch

I jokingly said that I have the seven year itch.   Greg and I will be married 7 years in July.   My body and mind are going through perimenopause, I have become apathetic to much. I work, I tend to the house, I visit Dad.   I was looking for some type of change.   I've been feeling unsettled.

I started looking at houses on Zillow.  And in turn, Zillow started sending me emails about houses that I might like.   I downloaded the Zillow app.   I would look at houses every day and dream about land in the country, and look for that pond that Greg says he wants.   Emails, app glances, searches.   Total time wasters.

Greg and I talk about traveling.   We've done several trips to Civil War sights these past several months but there's nothing else planned till September.   
I always dream about traveling when Greg retires and I've always said that our cat, Mally, will be our last pet... that I won't be tied down by some animal.

Make note that on the night of May 6th, 2024 Greg and I were kind of discussing this animal thing and he boldly stated that he ALWAYS wants to have a cat.   So I suggested that we'd need to get another cat to "overlap" Mally's lifespan and fill in once Mally is gone. 
I didn't mean it of course.  I don't want another animal.

The morning of May 7th, 2024 I'm out for my morning walk and hear crying beside the road.  Low and behold... a lone kitten. 

I paced and paced, not sure what to do.  Our road is rather busy.  I called the vet who confirmed that I should leave it there in case the mama was in the process of relocating her kittens.... BUT I shouldn't leave it there overnight.   

I left that cat there for a least 8 hours before Greg and I reluctantly scooped it up.

The next day, the vet came into the exam room and exclaimed,
"God gave you a kitten!!!"

This kitten happened to be a girl that appeared to be just under 4 weeks old and weighed a whooping .79lb.   

A few days later, drowning in kitten formula, cat toys, a make-shift litter box, and baby supplies, we settled on the name "Dixie".

meet Dixie

I have since deleted the Zillow app from my phone.   Ain't nobody got time for house hunting when a kitten is wreaking havoc.
I am a creature of habit.... and this creature is totally ruining my life.   
I know she will grow fast and things will settle down around the house.... but for now, I guess this will give me something new to focus on.

God sure works in mysterious ways.  

phone a friend

 

Can we just talk about how sweet it is to have good friends?

My car broke down last week...it died on the side of a busy highway.  I was calm, yet frazzled.   I was on the way to meet a dear friend in a neighboring town for dinner, and the only thing on my mind was that I didn't want to miss my time with her!
Thankfully the car gave out just-shy of the exit to the restaurant, and I knew I could simply call her to come to my rescue.   (I am so thankful it didn't break down on the curvy backroads closer to home!)
Greg was tied up at work and we agreed that I would go to dinner and then worry about the car.

Sandra came to find me on the side of the road.   She was determined to help me resolve the car situation and get me home afterwards.
I didn't like the thought that she was opting out of the Maundy Thursday service, at her church, to deal with my breakdown. 
(read that as the car breakdown....or my emotional state.  Honestly... both.)

We shared a meal and caught up on life as I attempted to calm myself.    I'm the kind of person that knows everything will work out fine....but in the midst of change or uncertainty, my adrenaline sometimes kicks into overtime.  
Towards the end of the meal, Sandra's son called to say that the church service had been canceled, because the church building was without power! 
What are the chances?   That really cleared up her evening.... as if God was like, "go ahead... you're not missing anything here".  lol.   

God continued to pave a way for our evening:
Sandra's husband recommended a tow guy that was responsive and QUICK on the scene! 
Here's the kicker though.... when the tow guy loaded the car up and said he typically only takes cash payments.... I was dumbfounded..... who carries cash?!   He then said he would take a check..... who carries checks?!

You know who carries checks?? 
Sandra. 😁  And..... she had randomly put an EXTRA check in her wallet that day.
Talk about a God wink.   

My car went off to the shop and Sandra drove waaayy out of her way to get me home that night.   As were were driving, we discussed that despite the car breaking down, God had orchestrated a rather smooth evening.    We were so thankful for the beautiful weather and our time together.

I thank God for Sandra.   She is consistent.   She always looks for the good, and brings positivity to every situation.   She reminds me that God has his hand over all circumstances.   She notices His blessings.
She's totally the kind of person who stops to smell the roses.   (She literally stopped to look at flowers in the parking lot!)   She is a joy.

I am so blessed.

Pat Coleman

 I first met Pat over lunch at Charley's, a local restaurant, back in 2016.   Greg had brought me to meet his mother.  I was the new girl in his life and I was curious how his mother would take to me.   
Pat was instantly kind and welcoming.   My first impression of her was that she was stylish and poised.
As time progressed and it looked like I'd be sticking around, Pat accepted me as a new daughter-in-law and embraced the thought of having my boys as new grandchildren.   I loved that I never doubted where I stood with her.  She made me feel part of the family and was always inquisitive and inclusive of my boys.

Being the newest member of the Coleman family, I only had the pleasure of knowing Pat for 8 years. Such a small blip compared to the long running Coleman clan... But I feel like we experienced a lot of life together in that time.   As we became familiar with each other, I realized that Pat could cut-up like the rest of us, and she had a good sense of humor.   
I always appreciated that she would often have my back when we were teasing Greg or lecturing him about his quirky husband behaviors.   She would tell him to treat me right!... but somehow in the same sentence manage to defend her baby boy.   Sometimes I think she thought Greg hung the moon.  😆

I was blessed to share countless meals with Pat over the years.  I remember lunches at Cracker Barrel, celebrations with family, and her massive craving for Chick-Fil-A these past few years.
There was a point in time when we were having her over for dinner each week.   I had a running dialogue with Greg that no matter what I cooked she would always manage to talk about how she would have served, or prepared, it differently.  She never meant any insult.... but I guess that's just typical daughter-in-law insecurity.  😟
It's true though....she was a great cook!.... and I will never live up to her expertise in the kitchen.   That lady could fry up some chicken!.... and her salmon cakes are unmatched.  

Pat had such a sweet tooth.   The Summer of Covid, 2020- Pat went to the beach with me, Greg and Lucas.   We made a special detour to get donuts, just for Pat.    She was also craving funnel cake that week, so we searched out a funnel cake stand and Lucas proceeded to run several blocks, in pouring rain, to obtain the funnel cake for Nanny Pat.   He insisted that she HAD to have it!  I love that memory.  
And none of us will forget her chocolate shakes from Chick-Fil-A.  

That same summer, we realized that Pat had not been "swimming" in many years.  She was determined to give it a try and came to the pool one evening.   I remember that we all laughed hysterically when she realized that she couldn't quite stand up in the pool.   She was a bit more fragile than we thought, and her legs just kept floating out from under her.  I was so tickled.  That was quite an experience for her.

When Pat was diagnosed with cancer in 2022, I helped her around the house for a year until she hired a professional cleaner, who she later raved about to me...  "She does such a great job really vacuuming underneath things".   (haha.  Guess I missed that mark, as with the cooking.  😂)
The best part about me helping her out (to the best of my ability) was that I got to spend some one-on-one time with her.   We were able to have talks about family, friends, life and death.    I think we kept conversation very real between us and I am so thankful for her outlook on life and her expression of faith.

Pat loved her family.   She adored her late husband, Lewis, whom I wish I could have met.   I'm pretty sure that he is the one who hung the moon..... although she shared some stories about Lewis that explain a few of Greg's quirks.😆  
Over the years I observed how Pat maintained unique relationships with each family member.   She had a special way of interacting with each of her children, her special nieces, and her grandchildren.   Nanny Pat was a precious matriarch to her family.    We all loved her support and stability.   
Pat will be dearly missed.

Until we meet again. 💕

The funnel cake!
Summer 2020

Surprise visit from Lucas
August 2021

Pat's 81st bday
January 2022

The night "swim" 😂 
Summer 2020

Hallelujah

I had two heavy visits yesterday.   

Somehow the same song was playing on the radio as I left each location. 
I believe that God specifically curates what I hear from the local radio channel 😇, and I am claiming this as my anthem this week:

"That's the Thing About Praise" by Benjamin William Hastings ft. Blessing Offor.  

The lyrics of the song remind us that no matter the situation, praising God is essential.  We sing, "Hallelujah" despite the heartache.  Our circumstances may not change but praising God keeps our situation in perspective.  Perhaps Praise is our best medicine.

Take a listen:

"That's The Thing About Praise"

When the rain you want, is a flood instead
And the roses bloom, but they're not quite red
And when I reach the edge of my bravery
I'll still be singin' at the banks of an un-parted sea

Sometimes the only way through it is a hallelujah
Sometimes the only thing to do is just to give it to You
And though my troubles shake me
I know they will never move You
Sometimes the only way through it is a hallelujah
That's why I say hallelujah
Hallelujah

There's what I want and then there's where I'm at
Every one step forward, it got me five steps back
And I cried, I called, God knows I prayed
But most days faith is climbin' up a mountain that stayed

It don't always fix your problems
But it'll tell you how small they are
That's the thing about praise

It won't always move the mountain
But it's good for the heart
That's the thing about praise

You'll never know what it's gonna change
But it'll always leave a mark
That's the thing about praise

Yeah, I might see walls start fallin'
Or it might just change my heart

That's why I say hallelujah 
Hallelujah

breathe

 I feel like I have managed to get my feet underneath me this past month.   In my quiet times, I have thought a lot about how I let the initial crisis with Dad drown me.  My demeanor was consumed with worry and doubt.    How quickly I forgot God's faithfulness. 
Looking back, I realize that I spent a month of my life not fully trusting God to work in our family situation.  And now that things have "settled" a bit, I keep reminding myself that God has consistently turned turmoil into peace throughout my life.  Over and over I've seen him work.   It's something I need to remind myself of, daily.

Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning. Psalm 30:5 

I know this to be true. 

My Dad's situation is far from resolved on this side of heaven.   I often wake in the mornings thinking about Dad's condition, knowing that there isn't much I can do other than spend time with him and appreciate our moments together.  

Greg and I will both have parents receiving hospice services, as of this week.   
It's a lot.  Death and dying are becoming such a huge part of our household vocabulary.   
Talks about aging parents, and the death of parents, have become conversation topics, and sad realities, among my friend groups.   
It feels like a tough stage of life we are in. 

Ultimately I know that "this too shall pass".  And I look for solace in the fact that God has ordained all of our minutes.

I hope that working at the funeral home hasn't made me callous.   I have come to grips with the normalcy of death.  We're all dying;  Just some sooner than others.
If we have a faith in Christ.... it's not the end.   We need to really believe that.   This heartache is only temporary. 

I keep reminding myself to enjoy the moments..... to LIVE while I'm alive.
I want to fully trust that God is working.   The celebrations of life and the realities of our deaths are all in his hands.   
I'm reminding myself to calm down, give my worries to God, and just breathe. 
God's promises are true.  

All of this song........💕  (You've Already Won by Shane and Shane)

 

I am not a crier

Dementia.  No one is prepared for this disease. I think our entire family was blindsided at how Dad's dementia progressed.  We have a unique situation..... but now that we're drowning in my Dad's dementia, I see other people in the water too.   People with their own unique stories: Relatable and just as heartbreaking.    It's important to share our stories.   We are not alone in this.   

End of November: My Dad, who was already struggling with dementia, hallucinations and paranoia received a steroid shot for a back injury.   
What followed was most likely a Steroid-induced Psychosis that landed my Dad in a geriatric psych ward where they attempted to regulate his medications.    The two week stay, where they heavily sedated him, completely WRECKED him physically.  This man, who was previously walking, talking, dressing himself and physically functioning came home to us on hospice services, unable to care for himself.   We were told that it was "just the progression of the disease"....but I'm convinced that he was a guinea pig for our floundering mental health system.  

It all happened WAY too fast.

Me, my sisters and my mom were on board with caring for him in the home until we realized the state that he was in.  Within days we knew that we were physically unable to care for him.   The agonizing decision was made to put him into a memory care facility.

Hear this: I was NEVER going to put my parent in a facility.  I've had lengthy discussions with friends about how detrimental that would be.  I would move hell and high water to care for my parents at home.  I wouldn't abandon my family.

And here I was within days of having Dad at home.... desperate for him to be somewhere else.

I am not a crier.... but I have been able to instantly produce tears with just a thought over the past month.  It's such a strange thing for me...I feel like there is moisture just pooled up and waiting to leak out.   I didn't anticipate the sadness, worry and despair that would accompany caring for my aging father.  Sending our Dad out of the house was gut-wrenching.    Him being in a facility is just as awful as I expected.... but at the same time I know he's at the best possible place.  What a contradiction.   The place is awful , but best. 

Never say never.

January is here.   I want to put this past month behind me and start fresh for the new year.  I can't look back and have regrets and "what ifs" about Dad's care and decline.  It is what it is.  I have to accept that.
I'm also aware that this year will bring more heartache and sadness.   
I will keep the faith and know that God will always provide a way for us.

In the meantime, I feel like our family is just starting to get our feet under us.  So much still in the works...as my sisters and I take on more responsibilities with both parents.   (Shout out to my sisters who have run themselves ragged through all of this).  
This aging parent stage is no joke.* 

We attend a memory care support group that often reminds us that there will be good day and bad days.
   Such is life.

2024.... bring it.

When you go through deep waters, I will be with you.  When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.  For I am the LORD, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.

Isaiah 43:2-3

For I am about to do something new.  See, I have already begun!  Do you not see it?  I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.

Isaiah 43:19

*Please consider this your nudge to talk finances and end of life plans with your parents this year.   Establish POAs,  medical directives, DNRs, get on the bank accounts.... get ahead of it. 

the destination

 I'm at the beach this week with a dear friend, for what she calls a "soul-cation".    An entire week away to focus on reading, praying, morning solitude, walking, and playing a few rounds of Bananagrams-by myself (while she works a puzzle) is something I've never done.... but I am IN for this.
This morning I decided to walk to the pier.   

See it?

The weather was perfect and the sand was packed, flat and ready for foot travel.   I headed off at a steady pace and the pier became closer and closer in matter of minutes.  It wasn't nearly as far away as I had anticipated.   No problem, I'd be back to my beach chair before I knew it!

Gradually the sand became softer and mushier and each step started to require a little more effort.   The shore began to slope towards the sea and each step became a chore as I had to climb up and around to avoid a group of fisherman.   My legs were starting to talk, waking muscles that hadn't been used in a while.  Should I maybe just call it a day and head back?

But I could see that pier!.... it was my goal.  I honestly had nothing else to do today.   I reminded myself, "sometimes we do hard things".  I even had the thought that "If Jesus could suffer for me..... I can certainly put in a little effort to walk to a pier."    Come on, Jill.... make it happen!

I dug my feet in with each step and pushed myself to get to those pilings.   I actually counted the last 50 steps or so, feeling as if I was crossing a finish line of sorts.
I stood under the pier for a brief moment, hands on my hips, anticipating a moment of inspiration.  I'm learning to look for God in these kinds of moments.... what does he want to teach me through something as simple as a morning walk?  

I looked out at the weathered wood pilings and happened to look up at the underside of the pier.   To my surprise I saw birds!   There were SO many birds nestled along the boards under the pier.  They looked oddly wind beaten and worn out.  I suppose they were taking a break and finding refuge from the wind under the sturdy deck boards.   Which reminded me of how that pier was designed to be a strong pillar 

in a rather unpredictable sea.  It was a source of protection and a place for birds to find rest.

Yup, there it was- the inspiration.

God is our refuge.  Our safe place.  When we are heavy and travel weary..... God is there.   When life's journey is unexpected and harder than we anticipated..... God's promises never fail.   When we are tired and needing rest..... God's character is unchanging.   In the same way the birds cling to the pier for solace.... we must cling to God for peace.  He is sturdy, our rock, our protector. 

Psalm 46:1-3
God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.  Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble at it's swelling.

And..... it turns out that that the pier was only 1.3 miles from my starting location on the beach. (2.6 round trip).
Such a struggle of a walk, which I thought was taking away my day, took 45 minutes.   I made it back in time for lunch and reading.
Sometimes we need to do hard things to realize that they weren't so hard after all.  

Psalm 118:14

The Lord is my strength and my song; He has given me victory.     :)

Isaiah 40:31
But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not be weary, they will walk and not be faint.

details

Spending more time in solitude and prayer has led me to think about leaves an awful lot.   I've always been intrigued by leaves.... in a similar way that I'm intrigued by the ocean.   The vastness and magnitude of the ocean water, held in place by God's design is something to marvel.   
But how about those tiny leaves?!.. trillions of them...Each one part of an intricate vascular plant.  They form, grow and live for a season- knowing the exact moment to release for the fall.   We often take these tiny details of nature for granted.    But boy oh boy, the God of the ocean is the same God of the leaves.  Let us not forget that He lives in the smallest details.

I've found so much peace knowing that God is in the details.   There is clearly a big picture at play here.... the big wins, the big losses, the joy of new and the mourning of old.      

The big moments shape our perspective and we should be thankful for what we learn.   
For instance, the tragic loss of Thayer taught me that "things could always be worse"..... that the small stuff in life is minor.   
Many things are cyclical, just like the presence of the leaves.   
"This too shall pass" comes to my mind often.   
Not many things compare to losing a young spouse, and I have been given a unique perspective that should keep me grounded.  

But ya know.... life happens.

A few weeks ago I had a weird toe infection.   I cringe as I type that.   It didn't have anything to do with my toenail....so I wasn't sure if I had a minor cut or an insect bite that went awry.  

Anyway, I was so grossed out by it.   For the first few days I was convinced that I would probably need to seek medical treatment.  But surprisingly, it started to heal and I raved and raved and raved about how God designed our bodies so perfectly, to fight infection and to heal.     

The VERY same day that I'm praising God for his healing design..... I tweaked my back while cutting flowers in my yard. 
Are you kidding me?!    I was distraught.  I was so fearful that one more incorrect move would rend me immobile, as I had been in the past.   Although I knew that "this too shall pass" I was freaked out and became super whiny.   

How quickly I forgot.

I don't want to forget that the God of the ocean and the leaves also cares for me, and you!   He's not only showing up during the big moments in our lives..... but in the smallest simplest moments as well.

I'm reminded of Matthew 10:29-31 "Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father's care.  And even the very hairs on your head are all numbered.  So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows."

God is in our details.  We need to trust him with ALL of it.

15 years

Yesterday marked the 15th anniversary of Thayer's death.  The date mostly cruised past with just a few texts from friends, and my precious brother-in-law, remembering the date.  I somehow didn't even mention it to my boys until just a few minutes ago. (Sorry, guys.)   

For the past several years I keep referring to 2008 as a lifetime ago. 
It really was.

At work today, it occurred to me that I met one of the funeral directors for the first time, 15 years ago- this week!  Not that we would have remembered meeting..... I was completely in shock when he sat with me...and he has met hundreds of families over the years.  All I know is that he was the one who made the arrangements when Thayer died. 
And here I am, employed at the same funeral home that assisted our family 15 years ago.
What a weird circle of events.   

I walked my neighborhood yesterday and thought about how my life is completely not what I expected it would be, yet it's exactly how it's supposed to be.  
I don't try to think about what things would be like if Thayer were here.... because it would be impossible to piece together an imaginary future based on what Thayer and I had envisioned for our lives.  We ALL know that life never goes as planned, so we must continually find joy in our current circumstances.  
I am so appreciative of what God has done for me and the boys through the years, placing us right where we are supposed to be in 2023.
Blessings upon blessings.

Wish you were here, Thayer. ❤️

marriage

I have a young friend who is getting married on Saturday to a guy she has known for about four months.  I think she has probably gotten some shade thrown her way because of the short timeline.  I must admit my initial reaction was surprise. 
Ultimately, who can pass judgement on someone else's timeline?   
I hear her talk about the prayer, counsel and support they are receiving from family.... and I hear her talk about her fiancé.... about how he supports her, encourages her, prays with her.  They have had the big talks about life and their future plans.  
They are already miles ahead of the people who sign up for that Married at First Sight TV series. :)   The odds are probably in their favor, and I can bet they'll be married longer than most folks these days.  I'm happy, hopeful, and excited, for them as they start this new life together.    Congrats, you two!

I think back to when I was first married, at age 21.  Waaaay back, when getting married young was cool.  I had two babies by the age of 25.  I'm sure some people thought we were too inexperienced to raise kids.  We grew our family, rode the ups and downs of marriage, and made plans for our future.
Nine years later I found myself suddenly widowed, raising two boys. 
I had taken so much for granted, assuming that we'd be together until we were old and gray. My forever with Thayer didn't happen.  My plans, my timeline were all destroyed.

BUT....  The important thing here is that God knew the timeline. God knew that Thayer would be taken from us at the age of 37.   God knew I'd be a widow at age 31.  God had us marry and have those kids at the perfect time. It may have seemed too quick for us to have kids but God knew.   I am so thankful for the time we had as a family.

Fast forward nine years and I was blessed with a new husband at the age of 40.   Two husbands in one lifetime was something I had never considered.  

But God. 
He knew the timing.

Greg and I just celebrated our 6th wedding anniversary.❤️ It's true that time flies as you get older!
 As I sit here thinking about taking my time with Thayer for granted I am convicted that I tend to do the same with Greg.   I should know better!!  We fall into our routines and lose sight of just how much a blessing it is to have another person in our corner, someone to live alongside.   
I know, all too well, how quickly that can change.   
I'm so thankful for my second opportunity at this thing called marriage.   Life doesn't always turn out the way we planned, but God's plan is perfect. 
God's timing is always perfect.
Greg, I love and appreciate you!  I'm praying we'll be together until I'm old and gray. ;) I look forward to many adventures with you!  Let's make the most of our time together. 💕

Ecclesiastes 3:1-11 NIV

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace. What do workers gain from their toil? I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.

input

Lots and lots of podcasts.   I listen to a podcast every morning as I am getting ready for my day.  I  listen to a podcast when I take my daily walk.  I listen to a podcast as I clean the house or do yardwork. I have a carefully curated set that I listen to each week.   

I love listening to podcasts, which is why I was taken aback when God recently said, 

"Stop.     Listen to me".   

I started a study on Spiritual Disciplines and quickly realized that my weekly routine does not easily incorporate time for Solitude.

I, like most people, have learned to drown myself in podcasts, television, music, YouTube, and social media.  There seems to be constant input, all of the time, everywhere.   
We are berated with some sort of input everywhere we go - music in stores, televisions in restaurants, commercials at the gas pump. 
These inputs are not necessarily bad in themselves but they can easily become a distraction from the most important input of all.... God's voice.

I just finished reading The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis where Screwtape was mentoring Wormwood on ways to win souls for the devil.   He talked at length about how simple it is to distract souls.....very small distractions, just enough to separate a soul from God.

Let's just say that the demons must be celebrating as of late.   We are a society of distractions.  

I want to turn the tide.  I refuse to let the demons have their talons in me.

I've been inspired to spend more time in solitude, anticipating God's perfect input.
I'm listening, Lord.

Matthew 13:9
He who has ears, let him hear.

                                       

visiting

After months of anticipation we made it over the pond to see Lucas!!  Here's a rundown of our days:

England trip to see Lucas, 2023

Lucas met us when we landed, and navigated our public transport for the entire trip. He was a great host 🙂 I am SO proud of Lucas for making a home for himself, and being so comfortable, in a foreign land. My heart was so happy to see him.

Tuesday, July 25: Arrived at LHR 10am-ish.  Hotel, McDs for lunch, nap, Camden Market, Japanese-from the market for dinner, gelato

Wednesday, July 26: Rada for breakfast, London Bridge, Borough Market (Humble Crumble), Kensington Palace, Soho, Chinatown, BBQ dinner at Bodeans, Les Miserables. (Seeing my all-time favorite musical in London was surreal. I loved every moment!) side note: upon leaving the play was the only rain we had during the trip. So thankful God blessed us with lovely weather!

 

Thursday, July 27: Coffee shop, lunch at Five Guys, train to Lucas’ house, Lucas and Jill to base for groceries, Japanese for dinner in Lakenheath, watched Fight Club

Friday, July 28: Slept in, train to Cambridge, walked around, lunch at Subway, circled Jesus College, Cambridge Botanical Gardens (beautiful place!!), Pizza Hut on base for dinner, watched Moon Knight on Disney+

Saturday, July 29: Slept in, went to Lakenheath base, did laundry, went to Mildenhall base, early dinner at Amigos in Bury St. Edmunds, watched Moon Knight. (Amigos is "voted best Mexican food in the UK".... and it was fantastic.)

Sunday, July 30:  Slept in, watched Moon Knight and Young Sheldon, went by base, dinner at the Bull Inn in Mildenhall (fish and chips, sticky toffee pudding)  Watched The Terminal.  Watched WandaVision

Monday, July 31: Train to Norwich (we really liked Norwich), chicken lunch at Nandos, walked around Norwich castle (it was closed for construction),  Played mini golf at Putt Putt Noodle, Icees and bubble tea at mall,  Pizza at Zizzi for dinner, train back to Lucas’, packed and watched Young Sheldon

Tuesday August 1:

Up at 4:15am, Left Lucas’ house at 5am, Breakfast at McDs,  Train to London, Underground to LHR, Flight out at 12:15pm,  Arrived in Charlotte 4ish EST.  Arrived in Lynchburg@ 9:45pm Total travel time from door to door= 23 hours.

Greg survived his first overseas adventure!  :)

Additional thoughts about the UK: -London was almost identical to New York City. I'm NOT a big city person, so I wouldn't need to go there again.

-A very diverse population. It was neat to see, and hear, so many cultures being represented.

-The food was underwhelming. Greg missed sugary drinks (there is apparently a sugar tax in England so things tasted "off".) We were surprised to see Five Guys, McDs, KFC, Pizza Hut and Subway were on every block.

BUT.... -There were very few obese people. (due to the fact that things seem "healthier" AND the fact that people WALK everywhere. The obese people, myself included, were clearly from America.

-Paper straws. everywhere. Can you feel the cringe? Aspects of society were very "environmentally friendly".

- America could do some catching up.... but not with the straws, please.

combating isolation

Isolation is destroying our society.   I've said it before.... but I am constantly reminded about how much we all need community and how our society is moving farther and farther away from connection.

Greg and I went to see A Man Called Otto* the other night.   It was a poignant representation of what isolation can do to someone; and also a phenomenal picture of how being involved in a community is life-altering.   
There was a scene in the movie where someone was in a life-or-death situation and the entire crowd of bystanders were preoccupied capturing the scene on their phones, and neglected to help.   It's all too familiar.... how often do we miss the obvious needs, right in front of us, because we're looking down at our devices?
Satan is using our cultural "norms" to distract us and isolate us..... to put us right where he wants us.... disconnected from God and others.

Hebrews 10:24-25 says "Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works.  And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near."

I am so thankful that God has placed me in community with so many wonderful people over the years.  Just the right people at just the right time - SO much encouragement.

Hear me out....God doesn't necessarily toss people into our lap, but he certainly seems to nudge us in the right direction. When I feel His push, I tend to roll with it and see what plays out. I have had to search out people and be intentional in creating community around me. It might involve stepping out of my comfort zone or initiating awkward conversation.... but I feel that my effort has always been worthwhile and that God orchestrates lovely outcomes.

Most recently, God had given me a nudge to start a Bible Study, in my home, last fall.  There were some hiccups along the way, but I've seen God knit together a new little group of gals that are willing to get together to grow in faith and friendship.   I love that somehow God encouraged these ladies to say "YES", to step out of their comfort zones, and get connected.  I feel that there is something powerful in our gathering..... like we are combating isolation one Tuesday evening at a time.  I'm thankful for a new opportunity to encourage one another.

I would like to encourage you, whoever you are, wherever you are, to actively seek out people.   
People need people. 
 Let's stick it to "the man" and get connected in fresh new ways.  Put down our phones and really talk to each other. 
Isolation sucks.

*I highly recommend this movie, but would like to put out a gentle disclaimer that there are several depictions of suicide attempts.