marriage

I have a young friend who is getting married on Saturday to a guy she has known for about four months.  I think she has probably gotten some shade thrown her way because of the short timeline.  I must admit my initial reaction was surprise. 
Ultimately, who can pass judgement on someone else's timeline?   
I hear her talk about the prayer, counsel and support they are receiving from family.... and I hear her talk about her fiancé.... about how he supports her, encourages her, prays with her.  They have had the big talks about life and their future plans.  
They are already miles ahead of the people who sign up for that Married at First Sight TV series. :)   The odds are probably in their favor, and I can bet they'll be married longer than most folks these days.  I'm happy, hopeful, and excited, for them as they start this new life together.    Congrats, you two!

I think back to when I was first married, at age 21.  Waaaay back, when getting married young was cool.  I had two babies by the age of 25.  I'm sure some people thought we were too inexperienced to raise kids.  We grew our family, rode the ups and downs of marriage, and made plans for our future.
Nine years later I found myself suddenly widowed, raising two boys. 
I had taken so much for granted, assuming that we'd be together until we were old and gray. My forever with Thayer didn't happen.  My plans, my timeline were all destroyed.

BUT....  The important thing here is that God knew the timeline. God knew that Thayer would be taken from us at the age of 37.   God knew I'd be a widow at age 31.  God had us marry and have those kids at the perfect time. It may have seemed too quick for us to have kids but God knew.   I am so thankful for the time we had as a family.

Fast forward nine years and I was blessed with a new husband at the age of 40.   Two husbands in one lifetime was something I had never considered.  

But God. 
He knew the timing.

Greg and I just celebrated our 6th wedding anniversary.❤️ It's true that time flies as you get older!
 As I sit here thinking about taking my time with Thayer for granted I am convicted that I tend to do the same with Greg.   I should know better!!  We fall into our routines and lose sight of just how much a blessing it is to have another person in our corner, someone to live alongside.   
I know, all too well, how quickly that can change.   
I'm so thankful for my second opportunity at this thing called marriage.   Life doesn't always turn out the way we planned, but God's plan is perfect. 
God's timing is always perfect.
Greg, I love and appreciate you!  I'm praying we'll be together until I'm old and gray. ;) I look forward to many adventures with you!  Let's make the most of our time together. 💕

Ecclesiastes 3:1-11 NIV

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace. What do workers gain from their toil? I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.

married with children

I've had a lot of time today to think.  

I'm overcome with gratitude for my new hubby.

We were married on July 31st.... so it's been 1.5 months of adjusting to living together, parenting together, syncing schedules, joining finances, making necessary name and address changes,  melding our lives together.        I'd be lying if I didn't say that it has been challenging.      Combining two 'grown-up' lives seems to entail more detail than kids starting off fresh together.

Despite all of the technical details, I think things are going well.   I know that they could be much worse if our 'baggage' was any different.

I think Greg is rocking the step-dad thing.   He would say otherwise.   

I'm so proud of him and I can see that the boys are receptive, and happy, to have a man in the house again.    Greg might say differently about the boys... simply because he's never lived with two teenage boys.    I like to say that I can see a noted difference in their attitudes since Greg moved in..... and Greg says he can't imagine how bad they must have been before.  haha.

Today, I threw my back out.... again.  This happens about twice a year and it is VERY discouraging.

Today's incident happened while doing yoga, which REALLY ticks me off.   I'm doing my best to stay in shape and be active, only to be incapitated when least expected.    It's really a buzz kill.

This was the first time that Greg witnessed my physical fail.    And I failed hard.    

Greg didn't miss a beat.   He was by my side, helping me out, all day.  
In the past, being the only adult in the house,  I've had to put on my big girl pants and deal with the pain.  (there have also been times when I had to call in my parents for reinforcement).
Greg had to feed me lunch today, and he vacuumed, and did my house chores too!  There is something crazy humbling about loosing the ability to do all of the things we take for granted, and having someone else step in to assist.    Even through the emotion of the day,  I was so glad to have him there with me.  I was certainly appreciating the blessing of having him in my life.

This was also a taste of what life could bring as we age.    I'm sad that he had to experience that role, of care taker, less than two months into our marriage.   He's a good man.

I'm praying for a quick recovery.   I'm anxious to continue on this new journey with him.
So far, so good!    

mid life

I celebrated my 40th birthday this month.    40.    The cliche age for midlife crisis.  Men buy fancy cars.   Women start to get plastic surgery.  

 Me?  I'm getting married again.... and I couldn't be happier.

I never knew exactly how I would want to get married the second time.  I knew I didn't want fanfare. Something simple.  Something fun.   

It turns out when you have a fairly large family and lots of friends.... nothing is simple.    So.... Greg and I opted for what would make me happiest.
Plan A...courthouse wedding, just us.

Plan B....courthouse wedding, just us and our kids.

Plan C.... and the plan we're sticking to.... tiny church ceremony with only our parents and kids in attendance.   

This will happen at the end of July.

The wedding part is great.   Simple.  I'm excited.  Can't wait to marry this man.

In the meantime, we're cleaning out and organizing two houses, getting ready for a yard sale, thinking about moving, thinking about combining households/finances/ becoming stepparents.   

Getting married as an older adult is a lot of work!  

I'm looking forward to the day when the transition part is behind us and we can settle in to our new life together.
I know it will be bumpy for a while.   

So.... baby steps.  

First thing --yard sale on July 8th.  #ihateyardsales

It's official!

April 30th was a beautiful, sunny, breezy Sunday.   After church, and lunch, Greg and I reluctantly agreed that we should make use of the day and pull the weeds from our yards.   We worked in both yards all afternoon and then took Daniel to dinner.  (Lucas didn't feel up to leaving the basement).

We took Daniel home and then drove back to Greg's house.

Greg suggested that we sit on the back deck and enjoy the evening. After a quick trip to the bathroom I joined him on the deck.    It was twilight and there was a glimpse of the crescent moon above.

I immediately sat and started rambling and rambling about whatever topic had been on my mind.
A few moments later Greg placed a little black ring box on the table.    

Just like that.  Bam!

WOW!  

THIS IS IT!   I was SO surprised!  Like really surprised.  

It was his turn to ramble a bit as I sat in my goofy surprised state.   I was so happy. 

He declared his love for me and asked me to marry him and to be his wife.

He proceeded to open the box-- and the ring took me by surprise too!  It is gorgeous.   Seriously gorgeous.

The moment was simple..... yet just what I wanted.... a completely perfect proposal.

I am now happily engaged to this man that I love!!

We've been talking about marriage for months.    I had expressed to him that I didn't need an over the top proposal.  And it's not all about the ring either.  

The element of surprise was absolutely the best part.   I had NO idea that he was going to propose at that moment.  It wasn't a special occasion, in which my suspicion would have been heightened, or anything out of the ordinary.    It was just a perfect ending to a great day.

I've slowly informed people about our engagement over the past few days.   I'm greeted with congratulations and in some cases.... tears!   This took me by surprise at first.   And then I started to appreciate just how many people have been truly invested in me over the past years.   I have had so many cheerleaders!

There were times when I thought I would never find love again.  I learned to find contentment in being single.  
Yet, by the grace of God, here I am....almost forty years old... and engaged to be married.     It's almost surreal.   

It's been quite a journey as a widow and single mom.   The opportunity to marry again doesn't magically erase the pain of the past years.   I have grown so much through my pain and I have learned that I don't want to take this second chance at love for granted.
Greg is an answer to prayers that I have prayed for years.   God has known the desires of my heart and He has provided, yet again.   The wait was long... but God's timing is perfect.  

I couldn't ask for a better man.   

(I love you, Greg.  I'm looking forward to starting a life with you!)

wanna grow old with you...

The other week, I cried in the McDonald's drive thru.  
The line was kinda long and I sat and watched an older gentleman escort his wife to the car.      A simple walk of approximately 12 feet took the couple several minutes to complete.   The woman was hunched over and very unstable.  I watched as the man steadied her and shuffled along with her to the car.
I thought to myself that this man has really stuck with it.   What a good man.
 
How often do young couples take their wedding vows and actually think about what they are committing to?
Have they thought about the fact that one day, in their future, a trip to McDonald's might be the 'big outing' for the day?     That simple tasks might become huge hurdles?  

I'm not sure if it's because I have experienced the death of my husband, or the fact that I am getting older.... but I have become very aware of older couples in public.  
I watch them.  I try to figure them out.  
Do they still love each other?   Are they caring for each other out of desire?  or out of obligation?     I wonder if they ever imagined that it would come to this?
The couples that catch my eyes are the ones that seem to still be sweet on each other.

Today, I watched an older gentleman push his wife in a wheelchair at Walmart.     And I paused.    I had my usual moment of thoughts about what a good man he was....  And then my mind started to wander into, "who is gonna do that for me when I'm old?    Oh crap."    
I don't dwell on this for too long... because I know that God will provide for me when the time comes.

 I also wonder if these couples know how good they have it?  The fact that they have someone by their side to take care of their basic needs, to drive them to walmart, to go to McDonalds.  That's huge!!
I get so irritated by married folks who just don't get it.   
I didn't get it.
I took for granted that Thayer would just be around.  That I'd always have that secure feeling of having a man to take care of me.   That he would fix things and keep everything running.   That he would be the stability in our home.   That we would manage to raise the kids, work, retire, travel, get old and die.

You never expect that stuff to happen out of order.

Recently, an acquaintance of mine, wrote a beautiful tribute to her husband.      Her words made me cry because I could see that she gets it.   She realizes that she is blessed to have such wonderful man in her life.  I was thrilled that she acknowledged all of the little things he does... all of the important things that so often get overlooked or under appreciated.    
Her words were a blessing to me simply because she recognizes her own blessings. 

It's easy, now, for me to see how I was blessed by Thayer while he was here.    The saying is true... "you don't know what you've got until it's gone".

I'll continue to pray for that person to grow old with ....but for now, I am super thankful for my amazing family and friends.
Let's just hope that in 40 years my boys will be willing to take me to McDonalds once in a while...  that'd be nice :)