balance

I'm sitting in the basement, listening as my boys watch yet another episode of Man Vs. Wild.  We haven't seen it in a while because the boys thought we had watched all of the episodes.  (They were wrong.  I think we have a zillion left.)
Somehow this silly show makes me feel like things are balanced in this house.    It's nice to have a man around. Especially one with a fancy accent.  hah.

Tomorrow is my last day at work before a lengthy Christmas break.  I am excited about some off time.  These past few weeks have been packed!  There's nothing really to show for the packed-ness.... but I know that we've been running ourselves ragged with something each day.
Somehow I've managed to fill up my free days as well... with totally fun things like chaperoning field trips, a day trip to visit friends, and attending school parties.  I think I can manage :)

The boys and I continue on our path of partial normalcy.  Not much drama or chaos.  Some evenings I sit and think about how far we have come. Sure, we've had some disagreements... but nothing compared to the emotional chaos that haunted us for a long time.
I know that things can change drastically when they become teenagers... so I'm counting my blessings this month and praying that things will continue to look up.

the dvds

I'm sitting here looking at a box of old camcorder tapes that I recently had transferred onto DVDs.   The DVDs are ready for viewing.   I'm super excited, totally glad to have them in easy-to-view format yet REALLY intimidated by the fact that I should probably, actually, watch them.
I was telling our barber lady that I know that I have a video of her giving Daniel his first hair cut.  And I know I will love to watch it. 
When I watch it.

I haven't seen any of our videos since Thayer died.  
Well... I did watch our wedding video on one of our anniversaries... and that went..... as to be expected.

So... our family videos.  I know they will be cute.  I know they will be funny.  I know that the kids will enjoy seeing themselves.
And I know I will cry.

Not that I even expect to see that much of Thayer in the videos.
(because you know how it goes... you fill 30 minutes of footage recording your first child's nap, or something equally exciting). 
I'm just pretty sure that seeing my little family from years ago will be emotional.  And especially whatever footage of Thayer.
And hearing his voice.
  gulp!

Tonight, I asked the kids if they wanted to throw in one of the DVDs. 
Daniel said "sure"... and I reached for the box. 
Lucas said "no".... and a stream of relief flooded over me.   
I knew that I'd be safe with another evening of Bear Grylls.

Those DVDs will sit here and taunt me until I just dive in one day soon.  I'll let you know how it goes.

Speaking of Bear Grylls.... I just read his bio and saw that his sons' names are Jesse, Marmaduke and Huckleberry.    Those. are. awesome.
:-)

it's beginning

Summer life has arrived.   (please, no mean comments about how much you hate me)
I enjoyed a super duper cabining trip with my friends this past weekend and jumped right in to 'summer' today with my boys.
We had grand plans to hit the local pool but we awoke to rain and cloudy skies.

Both boys asked to go to the barber shop!!! They are amazingly cute (as always)... but there is now a bonus of actually seeing their faces! :-)  

After their time at the barber shop we made a huge trek to walmart and target to stock up on food and supplies.  I intend to eat at home this summer.  Well, mostly at home.

With the pool on their minds all day, the boys convinced me to take them swimming at 3pm.   I managed to sit in my bathing suit, covered by a towel and watch my boys swim.... in the rain.  They had a blast.
Home for a dinner of Nachos and a few episodes of Man Vs. Wild.  
Off to bed early so I could appease my facebook and blogging addiction. 
All in all a great day.