I'm ready to spout out some really evil thoughts here. so read at the risk of realizing that I am nuts...
and... there is no need to call or worry about me.... I'm not angry or psychotic (well.. that's probably debatable)... I've just got to get this stuff out of my head...
We didn't get around to cleaning the room today because we ran some errands. I think we ended up spending about 1400 hours at walmart.
We headed home so I could put the kids down for a nap, and so I could chill out.
These kids are driving me absolutely bonkers. I think I kept my cool for most of the day.... but I am just running on empty with my patience, especially for rude and disrespectful punks.
I have recently spent time away from the kids... twice in the last few weeks. I got a grand taste of what it's like to be a "person" again. And I realized that being a person rocks.
Then, I get thrown back to the wolves... the loud, hyper, very physical beings that these boys are.
Today, they were especially hyper... and I'd like to hope it's just readjusting to life after two days with Papa :-)
But with all excuses aside... they are driving me nuts.
Frankly, on days like today... I can understand, and sympathize, with mothers who abandon their children. They made the escape and they are probably enjoying it.
(Now, hold on... I heard your loud gasp... didn't I warn you that this post included evil thoughts?)
Don't worry... I won't be catching the next bus out of town.
But seriously... I could get used to the freedom that people have when kids aren't involved. And on days like today, I miss having thayer here to "take over" after a long day.
I jokingly told a friend the other day that I feel like I have two cinder blocks tied to my feet. Sometimes when I want to fly... they really ground me.
Don't get me wrong... I truly LOVE my kids but they are often very difficult to LIKE.
anywho... I was telling the kids, in a nice mommy way... that I couldn't think of anyone who would enjoy being around them when they are acting crazy. One of them said "Daddy would". and that instantly sent me into the lecture about how "yes, Daddy loved being with you.... but I know that you wouldn't be acting this way if Daddy were here.... I'm really sorry that he's not here...but it doesn't give you the excuse to treat me like this... I feel like you guys are punishing me because Daddy's not here, etc. etc."
I've had this discussion many times before.... and I'm sure that some of you psych majors out there are cringing at some of those statements. I'm sure that there is a better way to get my point across other than telling them that I feel punished.... but heck... I DO feel punished.
I figure that it'll take years of therapy for them to recover from a childhood with me anyway. I might as well give them good material.
so there. that's it.
I feel better now.
:-)
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7 comments:
If you ever want to drop them off with us for a day you are more than welcome...I know its a long way to come to "drop them off" but Cory has plenty of stuff to keep them busy. Not sure how good this offer will be after October though!! =)
Im sorry things get so hard sometimes, but dont ever doubt what a good mother you are to those boys...I hope to be as good of a mom to my new little one!!
Cathy
I totally feel the same way this week. I was just thinking the other day of how nice it's been this summer. And then this week it has been...How do you spell? 14 million times. The summer was going really well when we were busy and had swim lessons every day. But now they just constantly call my name and want my assistance every second of the day. I have determined that my kids like structure and predictability. Right now I have none. So until school starts I've decided to do lots of TV lunches and movies and maybe they can hang out with the neighbors. Only one more week and then the beach.
You didn't hear ME gasp! Nope! Not me! Cause I'm right there with you! Sometimes I feel like my High maintenance boys are even HIGHER maintenance! This wk especially because Tyler's Birthday is this friday and THEY CAN'T WAIT!!! Not to mention next wk we are going to see their cousins they haven't seen in 2 years. Then on top of THEM I'm getting MORE kids in my house!! 1 little girl that is all drama and ALL girl! Now I know why God didn't give me a girl! :) These are the times when I wish the kids had the "year round" School. My friends kids went back to school today and I'm jealous! :P
Oh, and btw-I have decided to change my name. Something long and hard to say. What do you think? :)
You are not a horrible person for those "evil thoughts". I have only been a mother for ~2 months and I can relate! You have been a parent a lot longer than me and you are an wonderful mother to D & L. Being a parent is the most difficult job in the world - I never understood that saying until I became a parent myself. Hang in there. Those especially bad days are just thrown in there every so often to keep you on your toes ;-) That's atleast what I try to tell myself.
I so appreciate your honesty. If we can't be real, what good is it all? You are far from alone, and how you feel is so normal. I think summer will end and you will get some space back and that will help. Also it sounds like you have a great support system. I am not really a part of that system but I hope that you would call me if you needed something.
Oh, and- I love it when you call them punks. It makes me smile every time. Hope tomorrow is better. xoxo
Thanks for being real. I love that about you.
My boys have been driving me insane this week--but I"m not brave enough to blog about it. :)
Thanks for reminding me I'm not alone in this mommy thing. :)
Love,
C
i'm a little late, but i was truly wanting to toss the little one straight out the window the other night.
you aren't evil, just normal.
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