good gifts

I've been hesitant to write lately.

Things have been going swimmingly well.

 I don't want to jinx things.  
 

For over seven years I have typed about God's plan, my strong hope for a future,  and contentment.    I am secure in my knowledge that God has things planned out.   That life is good... and I can be happy in my circumstances.   And I am.
But I am always wondering, "what's next? What really IS God's plan for me?"

And now... when it looks like some of my prayers are being answered and perhaps there may be a chance of a fresh 'beginning'...... I freak out a little.

Things start going really well and I almost wait for the other shoe to drop.

I know... (and most days I remember)... that I need to accept every blessing as it comes.   I shouldn't question or doubt the blessing.    I just need to soak it up.  
God gives good gifts.    Why is it so hard for us to accept them sometimes?

The past few months have been really happy.   Heart swelling happy at times.   And honestly it's hard to believe that I deserve it.    Things were already going so well.  I was content.   Do I really deserve more?

Maybe.  Maybe not.    I guess time will tell.  
In the meantime, I need to keep reminding myself that God's plan is perfect.... and his timing is perfect.... and this day has happened for a reason.
Embrace it, Jill.

family in crisis

I have seriously confirmed that I am a crisis blogger.   I can blog all day and night when there has been death, destruction, disfunction, dismemberment.
(thankfully that last one hasn't happened yet.)
I've signed on to blogger several times over the last month... with great intentions of typing absolutely nothing.   Things have been calm, scheduled, and uneventful in our lives.
I should have known that the tide would turn at some point.

This week brings me a great crisis story for my memoir but I want to challenge myself to type out the good points in this story.

1.  My sister is alive!
Early Wednesday morning, my sister had three seizures out of the blue.   There were several moments when we thought she was going to die.  seriously.  
A CT scan showed a spot of something on her brain.    Then a MRI confirmed that she had a Cavernous Malformation of the brain.  (I'll pause while you look that up.)

If anything could be wrong with your brain... this is a good thing to go wrong.   I was beyond thrilled that this was a fixable thing!     (But I must admit that the time spent waiting for the MRI results was very unnerving.)
 The neurosurgeon was able to do surgery on Thursday evening and the procedure was a success!   
I still can't comprehend that my sister had brain surgery!     And she was released to go home TODAY!    Modern medicine and a steady hand-- provided by God --is simply amazing.    
**Please cover her in prayer as she recovers from home.  There are still many challenges ahead.**

2.  My family is a beautiful rarity.
I guess I've always known that my family was special.  (I've been known to complain one day and rave the next)  But we really do have it good.  And I should bite my tongue next time I want to grumble. (as my friends have told me to) :)

I am so encouraged when I think about how ALL of our family gets along with each other.    Me, my sisters, my parents, my aunts, my uncles, my cousins.   everyone... on my mother's side and my father's side.  
I can't recall ever having a family fued, of any kind.  

I saw our family in action when Thayer died. 
I saw it again when Shelley was hospitalized.  
Everyone drops what they are doing and helps out.   They don't wait for instructions.... they show up, they watch kids, they provide food, they sit, they wait, they talk.

In our immediate family, my parents take the gold medal.   They completely put their regularly scheduled lives on hold when things go awry for their daughters.   I can't count the number of miles they have driven, the meals they have made, the loads of laundry, the hours of babysitting, the yard work, the housework... (just to name a few of their sacrifices).    My sisters and I are very fortunate to live close to our parents.   And to each other.

We've never sat and discussed this, but I can contribute much of our family's closeness to the fact that we share a Christian faith.   Though we are far from perfect in our journey, we know the basis of how to love and forgive.  
I can see that many of our extended family members have the gift of compassion and service.  It is a special thing to know that we've got so many people 'on our side'.
I should totally verbalize this more.
We are blessed indeed.

from the ashes

I was out with some of my 'widow friends' tonight.  (I know we should come up with a happier name for ourselves...and make t-shirts... or get matching tattoos... or something...)
We attempt to get together every month, and usually the attendees vary by month.
Tonight, five of us managed to stroll around downtown and discover some new places. 

On the way home, I was trying to wrap my head around our little group.    I was feeling blessed in the fact that God has placed each of these women in my life.  
We are an eclectic group. 
I'm sure they would all agree that we never would have met each other if our husbands were still living.
God brought us together through terrible circumstances.  Yet my life if richer and blessed through these women.    Several of them have become staples in my life.

Dare I say that this is something good that has come from death?

I remember when Thayer died, I told myself that God would make something good come out of it all.  I had no idea how He was going to pull that off.  Because nothing can be good about losing a husband and father.

I know that as time passes and as good things, and blessings, unfold in our lives it will be hard to process.  
Having Thayer here and alive sounds like the best possible scenario.  But since that's not happening... I need to lean on the fact that God does have a plan for us.    I want to notice... and be encouraged... when I see God working in the little details of our lives.

Tonight I am thankful for the friendships that have sprung from the ashes...