I'm fine, really.

gee. I was going to post about our week so far. I wanted to brag on our new routine and give good reports on the kids. (and I will... eventually).

Things were going really well today. I had lunch with a friend, did some shopping and then did absolutely nothing productive. The kids were in good moods and things seem pretty good.

Bedtime was a little rocky. And after I put the kids to bed, I got that agitated sinking feeling. It mirrored the anxious feelings that used to steal my breath after Thayer died.
I can't explain it fully.
And I certainly can't explain why it creeps up on me after a perfectly fine day.
I don't have anything pressing on my schedule but yet I still managed a little bit of panic.
weird.

I think I can chalk it up to a grief burst. Cause those certainly come when you least expect 'em.
My pity party consisted of thinking to myself that, "no matter what I do, I'm just. not. enough."
Not enough for running this house, not enough for my kids.
Thayer is supposed to be here. This is a two person job.

But as soon as I think, "I'm not enough"... God reminds me that HE is.
Though the reality of His reminder doesn't stop the tears, it takes away the guilt. (It's okay if I'm not a super mom...)
So I pull myself together, fold the sheets, and move on.

Tomorrow is a new day.