8 years

interesting fact:  Elvis Presley died on August 16,1977

Tomorrow marks eight years since Thayer left this earth.    I can't really comprehend how long ago that was, or how quickly time passes.
It's forever.  It's yesterday.  
So much has happened in the last eight years.   My boys have grown up before my eyes and we have established a nice little life for ourselves.     The really bad years are a faint memory.    I still recall the crying, the screaming, the barely keeping afloat on some nights.   But I also recall the wonderful family and friends, and my gracious God, that have kept me sane for the past 8 years.   It's been quite the ride filled with loss, sadness, hope, contentment, and so much growth.

I read a post today titled "My World Would Be So Different If You Were Still Alive".
Sure, lots of things would probably be the same.  I'd probably be living in the same house, have the same job, attend the same church.    But obviously many things would be different if Thayer was still here.   If Thayer was still alive, my boys would know what it's like to grow up with a Dad.  (that's, by far, the most disappointing part about his death.)
 If Thayer was still alive, I feel like our original plan would have continued on it's path.   I sometimes wonder....what would our family,our relationships, our communication, our habits, our parenting look like?
As I have learned, life rarely goes as planned... so I never dwell on what 'could have been'.
I think I've done well with moving forward through it all.   I'll never 'get over' losing Thayer and I have a deep appreciation for the time and life we had together.

But if you were still alive, I might not have realized that the whole "live each day like it's your last" mindset is legit.  That I need to treasure every moment while I still can and tell my family I love them as much as possible.

As much as I miss you, I'm thankful for what you taught me while you were here, and what you're continuing to teach me now that you're gone.

-Holly Riordan

I can look back now and see that I've grown over the past eight years.  I have a unique relationship with God that I never would have established had I not spent nights and nights in conversation and tears with Him.   My perspective on life has changed.   Losing my husband has been the worst event of my life thus far.   The experience has also been a defining time of finding a deep faith and watching God bring beauty instead of ashes (Isaiah 61:3)

So... tomorrow.... 8 years out.     I still love him.  I miss him.    But instead of mourning his death tomorrow... I'm skipping town for a trip to the beach.  
"Live each day like it's your last!"
Our extended family will gather on Friday to memorialize (what would have been) Thayer's 46th birthday.  
I've always liked birthday celebrations better.