the end of an era

The cat who has caused me so much heartache over the past few years..... has been missing for five weeks.    She disappeared on Saturday, June 16th after hanging out in the yard with me that morning.   We were even tickled that she approached Greg while he spoke to her from our bathroom window.     
Perhaps she was saying her goodbyes that morning. Who knows.

Last photo evidence of Blueberry taken the morning of June16, 2018

Her disappearance was honestly a very bittersweet thing.   The not knowing of her circumstances is the worst part.   Did she just go off to die?  Was she eaten?   Did she suffer?  Did a neighbor down the road take her in, thinking she was a stray?  Will we see her on someone's porch a month from now?  

I have jokingly said that I will write a children's book,  What Happened to Blueberry?

Maybe she fought to the death when a large eagle swooped down and took her away.

Perhaps she was taken in by a pack of wolves to be raised as their own.

Maybe she jumped a train and joined the circus.

At the end... "What do YOU think happened to Blueberry?"

 

Lucas has high hopes that she just found some other suckers to feed her.... who may also treat her diabetes.... and she'll live another 10 years in the lap of luxury.

I, on the otherhand, figure that she has long been taken back into the earth from whence she came.

see!  I DO have a heart.   I bought this as her memorial stone...

With the saddness of the unknown, there was a bit of relief for me as well.  I had always kind of hoped that she would just pass away on her own.  The thought of putting her down at the vet always filled me with dread.   The end of life decisions are gut wrenching.... and I had already gone down that thought process with her TWICE before.....and yet she pulled herself together each time. 

I am actually hesitant to type this post, almost in fear that she'll show up on our porch tomorrow.... just because that's the type of thing she would do to me.   punk.

This past week was the first time in Eighteen (18!) years that I did not have to secure a pet sitter while we were gone on a family vacation.    That was very nice.    But it was also the first time in 18 years that we didn't have a pet at home waiting for our return. 
The doorways have been vacant and lonely.