the end of an era

The cat who has caused me so much heartache over the past few years..... has been missing for five weeks.    She disappeared on Saturday, June 16th after hanging out in the yard with me that morning.   We were even tickled that she approached Greg while he spoke to her from our bathroom window.     
Perhaps she was saying her goodbyes that morning. Who knows.

Last photo evidence of Blueberry taken the morning of June16, 2018

Her disappearance was honestly a very bittersweet thing.   The not knowing of her circumstances is the worst part.   Did she just go off to die?  Was she eaten?   Did she suffer?  Did a neighbor down the road take her in, thinking she was a stray?  Will we see her on someone's porch a month from now?  

I have jokingly said that I will write a children's book,  What Happened to Blueberry?

Maybe she fought to the death when a large eagle swooped down and took her away.

Perhaps she was taken in by a pack of wolves to be raised as their own.

Maybe she jumped a train and joined the circus.

At the end... "What do YOU think happened to Blueberry?"

 

Lucas has high hopes that she just found some other suckers to feed her.... who may also treat her diabetes.... and she'll live another 10 years in the lap of luxury.

I, on the otherhand, figure that she has long been taken back into the earth from whence she came.

see!  I DO have a heart.   I bought this as her memorial stone...

With the saddness of the unknown, there was a bit of relief for me as well.  I had always kind of hoped that she would just pass away on her own.  The thought of putting her down at the vet always filled me with dread.   The end of life decisions are gut wrenching.... and I had already gone down that thought process with her TWICE before.....and yet she pulled herself together each time. 

I am actually hesitant to type this post, almost in fear that she'll show up on our porch tomorrow.... just because that's the type of thing she would do to me.   punk.

This past week was the first time in Eighteen (18!) years that I did not have to secure a pet sitter while we were gone on a family vacation.    That was very nice.    But it was also the first time in 18 years that we didn't have a pet at home waiting for our return. 
The doorways have been vacant and lonely.

another entirely too long post about the cat

The cat.   She was diagnosed to probably have diabetes last Feburary.  At the time, she wasn't eating, and I was told that I would probably have to put her down in a few weeks.  I grieved, I cried, I wept.  She was pretty much in the grave and I was counting our last days with her.  Seriously people....I have mourned this cat!
Then... she started eating.   I started a high protein diet recommended by the vet.   Three cans of the fancy stuff a day.    $45 a month to feed a 5 pound cat.   
Over the past months, there have been three times that she had a 'set-back' in which I planned to "give her a few more days, and then I'll make the appointment to put her down".  I grieved again... hating to make end of life decisions.  EACH TIME.... she started eating again.   And EACH TIME she started another cat life... and seemed to get more mentally crazy each go-round. 
To make matters escalate, her appetite became so insatiable that she bummed food off of the neighbors and even ate the food intended for other neighborhood cats.    I really have no idea how much food she consumed each day. .... until we moved.     (and now we're having to supplement with tons of dry food.... because she is CRAZY.)
 We've got the new house (which I'll write about soon) with tons of land for her to roam.     She has been an outdoor cat for months.... and it's been a challenge to keep her inside during these cold winter nights.  I am eager to get her transitioned and back outside during the days.
To transition homes properly, we kept her inside for several days, then Lucas assisted her with walks around the property.  After she got her bearings we allowed her outside on her own. 
The first day unattended she was gone adventuring for HOURS... and Greg was determined that she was dead.   (I figured we wouldn't be that lucky.)
(My friends say that I'm so cold hearted towards the cat..... and I am outwardly.... but let's keep in mind that we do EVERYTHING right by this cat.)
Yesterday, a van pulled into our driveway as we arrived home.  It was our new next door neighbor, who introduced herself and then asked us if we have a cat.   I was SOoooo expecting for her to inform us that the cat had been hit by a car. 
BUT.... she said, "It's in our house and won't leave".
You have got to be kidding me!
Blueberry had made her way through their doggy door and was chased Grand Prix style by the three resident dogs... through the neighbors house!    She ended up on the back of a chair and wouldn't budge. 
The neighbors were good sports about it... but this has thrown a major kink in everyone's routine.
Blueberry is "grounded" for a few days until we can figure out what to do with her.    She needs to be outdoors.... but we can't allow her to surprise the neighbors again.   I REALLY hope the run-in with the dogs will deter her from entering their home again.
Just when I thought things were getting settled, I feel like the cat is holding us hostage.     This cat will be the end of my sanity at some point. 
I've known since February that our time is short with her.   (or so we think).
And I know that when she's gone that there will be tears.   (mostly tears of relief). 
I've never owned an animal that has caused so much drama.     Blueberry is certainly one of kind.

Photo cred to the new neighbor. 
 This appears to have been taken shortly after the chase.   Look at how big her tail is!!

again

Clacking out words on this keyboard has always been cheaper than therapy.    This blog has been my voice, when I didn't think I had one.
The upside is that I guess I haven't needed much therapy thus far in 2017.   And I'm only signing on today to share the upside of a down situation.

As we all recall.... 2015 was full of 'cat' posts as we prepared to say goodbye to our old cat, Mr. Q.   To make this story very short.... and hopefully to avoid a million more cat posts.... our remaining cat, Blueberry, is currently a dead cat walking.     I've grieved a bit, and now I have put on my big girl pants and I'm facing this end of life stuff with a harder heart this go-round.  

This week, while I was having my meltdown and feeling alone in my cat despair,  Facebook notified me.... not once... but twice... that my pastor's wife had posted in a FB group.   I reluctantly signed in to see that she had simply posted 2 Corinthians 1:3 which says, "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort".
Yup.  Great reminder that God knows my heart, my abilities and that he is merciful and will bring comfort in all situations.   Even in the death of another cat.

Then, moments later... my Dad showed up.   I must admit that I'm often taken off guard when he shows up unexpectedly, but this was perfect timing.   God knew that he needed to send my Daddy to me at that time.   My Dad listened to the cat drama and reassured me.
Sigh.

Two God winks in one day.    That's the upside!

This post is my declaration that I'm gonna face this impending cat death like a boss.   Yes, I'm heartbroken.... but I'm accepting God's mercy and comfort.
Not much else to do.