"I write better than I talk"

It's time to start writing again.   It'll be good for me.  Therapeutic.   Even the counselor said that I could write, and we could discuss. 
Challenge accepted.

I've always enjoyed writing, and often sharing what God is teaching me, though this outlet.   I'm realizing that I have only posted eight times since things fell apart with Dad in 2023. 

It has been a HARD few years.  The challenges of aging parents has been consuming, to put it mildly.

We have said goodbye to Greg's Mom, and my Dad.

I had wondered if I would ever share the journey of caring for Dad, and how he suffered, and what we learned as a family.  But after his death, I knew that I didn't want to relive any of it.   There aren't words to describe how awful it was for him, for us.   The fact that he is no longer suffering is such a relief. I am so glad that he is finally at peace.     
I grieved for Dad long before he left us.  Anticipatory grief. A long goodbye. So many gut-wrenching moments, tearful car rides, sleepless nights.

We barely had time to come up for air before things fell apart with Mom.   Less than five months after Dad's death, mom moved into our home.   The diagnosis of mixed Alzheimer's and vascular dementia.
 
Recently realizing that I am NOT doing well with this life transition, I signed up for some free counseling.  I explained to the counselor that our empty nest is wrecked, and that I have lost my sanctuary.   Our home is no longer our home, and my time is no longer my time.  And it's chilling to know that mom's condition will only get worse.  

I'm in the process of trying to shift my perspective, to find God's fullness in this.
I am praying for lots of patience (I mean LOTS).
I am praying that I can learn to give God all of the things that are out of my control.

I hope to learn to control my reactions to the things that disrupt my peace.   
Nothing is going to make this journey easier.  Each day is exhausting.... but I know that I can feel lighter if I cling to the fact that God sees the big picture.
I continue to remind myself that "this is only for a season".   (If only I had a dollar for every time I have uttered that phrase) 🤑

groundhog day

 I'm just wondering where my cat is.
Where are your cats?
Where's Jeff?
(opening door)
(closing door)
There's your blue cat with the white eyes.
Your big cat never goes outside?
Where are all of the cats?
Can I let Jeff in?
(Closing curtains)
Are you going to put Jeff in the garage?
Does Jeff have food and litter?
Where is Jeff?
Where is your cat with the blue eyes?
(opening curtains)
What are you going to do with all of those eggs?
I don't know how you can eat that in the morning.  I could, maybe for dinner. But not for breakfast.
I don't eat breakfast.
What are you going to do with all of those lemons?
(closing curtains)
(pacing)
Look at all of that.  What are you going to do with that?
This is too much food.   This burger is too big.  This plate is too full.  This fish is too big. 
This is too many fries. 
 I should have just ordered dessert.
I always think I'm going to just order dessert.
I always think I'm just going to order dessert.
I always think I should just order dessert.
I don't ever eat breakfast.
Where is Jeff?
(opening door)
Jeff can't be out this time of day.   You can't trust him.   He'll run off.
This is the time of day that he likes to disappear.  He won't come back.
You have to put Jeff in the garage.
Does he have litter and food?
Where is Jeff?
Where are your cats?
(opening door)
(closing door)
(pacing)
Where is Jeff?
What are you going to do with all of those eggs? 
Where do you get all of those eggs?
What are you going to do with that?
Bet me.
Bet me.
Bet me.
How about that?
How about that?
Isn't that something?
Isn't that something?