what's it gonna be?

I've been doing the counseling thing. I've gone three times to get some parenting pointers. Especially in interacting with my youngest.
So far, so good.
I see progess in myself and the boy.

Today, the counselor managed to get me to cry (impressive, eh?) as I shared some of my fears about Thayer's absence. We talked about a few things but I think I've come to realize that no matter how much I claim to hold tight to God's promise of a future...I have days when I falter and I start to wonder what kind of future I could possibly have.

I told the counselor today that every night when I make sandwiches for the boys' lunches, I can remember back to when Thayer was here, and I would say "I just can't make another sandwich! I am sick of making sandwiches!"
And I remember how Thayer lovingly took over the sandwich duty. He would gladly pack the lunches when I was tired of the monotonous job.
So now, when I make the sandwiches... it's just me. every day. And I realized that I could be making sandwiches most week nights for the next 11 years. Is that the kind of future I get to look forward to?

yes, I know that making sandwiches isn't a huge deal. And yes, I know that my kids are capable of making their own sandwiches.
And yes, I know that many of you, including my mom, made sandwiches every day for years... and have never compained.
(so save your comments) ;)

I think that it's just the thought that there is no one else to do it that can be dark for me.
There is no one else to clean up the cat puke. There is no one else to run by the store on the way home. There is no one else to be the spiritual leader of my family.
If I let myself dwell on these concerns, I could really wallow. But God usually quickly pulls me together and reminds me that He's in charge. I'm done with worrying. I have to know that God is in charge... or I'd totally be a wreck.

So, perhaps my fear is that I'll be alone in this gig. And I think I need to be ready to accept whatever the future may bring.
When people say "take it one day at a time". I really have to. I have no idea what to expect.... or what my future holds.
One sandwich at a time.

Bring it.